Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Happiness of a memory

It is fall. Leaves are turning and falling. We have the heat on. The other day, the kids were wild, jumping into a pile of leaves. They raked some, their hands tiny on the grown-up rakes. Then jumped, smashing the dry leaves, screaming, laughing. I joined them, bringing C along - just for a bit. Fixed up a nice big pile. Then ran and jumped. There was a satisfying "whoosh" and "crunch". We showered leaves on each other. C was fascinated by the dry leaves. She kept grabbing them, opening and closing her fingers, her face - sometimes in a frown- showing the concentration, the intensity... She laughed when we tickled her with the leaves or sprinkled them over her. The TV was forgotten. The dinner was forgotten.

Raking leaves is a thankless job-in half an hour, more leaves are on the ground, completely obliterating your work. And yet, here are the piles, showing I was here today, working hard, fighting entropy and winning, at least for a few hours.

Being in the leaves with the kids reminded me - this is what I want. Little things, little moments. Forget about the mess, the particles stuck in everyone's hair. This is what the kids wanted, their mom being wild with them. This is what I want to remember. And yet... it does not make me happy ... but it is something that I will remember and think fondly about. Strange, isn't it. Some things that make me happy right now, I will not remember or think much about beyond tomorrow (a mystery novel... a piece of chocolate). Other things, I have to make an effort to enjoy, and that will be the stuff that I will be happy to remember.

What do you want to do this fall?

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