A 40-year Old Fool

I am turning 40 tomorrow.

At the moment, I feel furious with myself. I forgot to enroll in FSA for next year - now the opportunity is missed and I can't change the selection until next year. I mean, really - how can I be so freaking irresponsible? I'm turning 40 tomorrow and still... and still... I am disorganized, irresponsible, I forget to do things that are financially important and have implications on our earnings and savings. I feel incapable, idiotic, and so, so angry with myself. And jus tthis morning, I had the auddacity gto get mad at one of my kids for forgetting to study for a test and not knowing where his study guide was (in my purse, because I put it there to give to him later and then forgot about). What the hell is wrong with me? Will I ever grow up or am I going to die an idiot? I find myself unable to stay on top of things.

That said - I am generally happy to be turning 40. I am glad to be alive. There are so many things I am grateful for - and I know all that can disappear in a blink of an eye. Family, job, health. House, car, piano.

I love this time of year - the early darkness, the snow (we had a first mini-snow storm this weekend) on the trees and grass, the fireplace, Chanukah, my birthday!!!

Not sure what we'll be doing tomorrow - our team has a fancy lunch meeting with a client. Our elementary school has their band/orchestra concert tomorrow evening - my kids aren't participating, but it may be fun to go watch. I am not baking anything - but if someone else gets (or bakes) me cake - there will be cake. I also want to have a super-special morning that involves a back-rub, some time to relax and daydream, no feelings of anger or frustration (that's seems to be today's theme...), and a breakfast of eggs and potatoes ... and maybe some other vegetables, too. And fruit - including pomegranate. And presents - I don't care what they are, I just want them.

I am super excited about the Chanukah presents I got for the kids this year, including tickets to the Arden Theater to see Peter Pan. I am also going to include a special "pass" this year - travelling to a nearby city with each of the big kids and taking Claire out to the zoo for some mommy-and-Claire time.

Alrighty, I feel somewhat better and less angry at myself.

Happy First Night of Chanukah tonight to all!