Not Gifted

Prodigy. Gifted. Talented. These words have a nice ring to them, right?

I think I may have looked into gifted programs before I even had kids. I definitely looked up school offerings for gifted kids while we were looking into moving to a new school district – before any of our kids were in Kindergarten. I searched local private schools specifically geared to teaching gifted kids. Because even though I could tell early on that our kids were not prodigies (they did not teach themselves to read at age 2 or figure out Pythagorean theorem by age 4), still, they were smart, and curious, and good at puzzles (E) or near-Machiavellian analysis of motivations (H), so I heartily hoped that they would be ushered into the elementary school gifted program without much difficulty.

Imagine what an ego-deflating moment (for me) it was when neither of our older kids got into the gifted program! They didn’t even get a call-back for further testing after initial giftedness screening in 2^nd grade! Most of their friends seemed to be in the gifted program. Their cousins were in the gifted program! Did this mean I failed our kids as a parent? Was I supposed to “coach” them ahead of testing? Was I supposed to let them play all those educational games on tablets and smart phones for hours and hours to prepare them for computer-based tests?

When he was in 4^th grade, our son would come to me and say, excitedly “I ran into the gifted teacher, and showed him that space shuttle I built with my kinex/legos/craft sticks, and he said they were going to build xyz, and then learn about jdk, and then do a project with qpr!!! That would be so much fun!!!! …Oh, mom, I kind of want to be in the gifted program.” Eventually, he asked me to sign him up for additional testing, and after talking to our principal and signing a bunch of forms – he got tested by a psychologist, using whatever standard gifted testing they do. He didn’t score high enough. He was sad for a couple of hours… and then he moved on. He is now in 6^th grade – he is fine. He just finished a STEM course where they built rockets and learned about Newton’s laws – he was absolutely in heaven and asked me to get him a physics textbook. He wants to join an engineering club next year.

Last week, our 5^th-grader daughter asked to do additional testing for gifted program. Honestly, I am reluctant… I am worried that she would be more sensitive to “not doing well” – whatever that means in this context. While our son was able to pretty much shrug it off, I don’t know if she’ll be able to move on quite as easily. [Or she could get into the gifted program… She is smart, and quick-thinking, and very good at math, and awesome in every way possible.] We’ll talk more about it, and I’ll ask for her teacher’s opinion, and we’ll have to all think about how education is affected by the pandemic and if it even makes sense to try to get into gifted program since she will be in middle school next year.

Our 1^st grader will probably be tested sometime next year. We will see how it goes. I am pretty sure she will do fine with or without gifted program.

At this point, I am kind of half-amused, half-resigned that our smart, curious, wonderful kids are not considered gifted based on whatever criteria our school district is using. My ego has recovered. Our kids’ egos were never affected (as far as I know).

Now, I am not super-ambitious and I don’t have any super-ambitions for our kids. Mostly, I just want them to be healthy and happy. Academic achievements – would be nice, but I am not willing to push them (other than an occasional prod to make sure E. remembers to turn in his work, or helping with homework when asked, or reading with C). We are all happy when kids get good grades, but I keep reminding them (and myself) that learning is more important than test scores, and the most important thing is that they understand the material. None of our kids find schoolwork difficult, but all need to do at least some work to stay on top of things. Right now, we are all happy that they have plenty of time for playing outside, building things, and reading. And snuggling with parents – can’t forget the snuggling!