Musings on Being Weird

“If you are weird and you know it clap your hands!!!”

*clap*  *clap*  

At what point does social awkwardness turn into weirdness?

People terrify and mystify me. There are too many unspoken and unwritten rules of “proper” conduct. There are too many taboo subjects. There are oh-so-many opportunities to blab the wrong thing at the wrong time. There are even more opportunities to NOT say the right thing at the right time.

When I was a kid, I used to watch my cousin with a mix of awe and jealousy. He would open his mouth and words would come out, effortlessly! He made talking to people look so easy.

Having a conversation is hard work! Stressful, too (plus, occasional mild stuttering is an annoying thing I have to deal with). My conversation skills do tend to get better with practice. Of course, with working from home, the pandemic, and my general tendency to avoid people (I guess I am shy?), I haven’t been practicing much. 

I am sort of naturally rude, without meaning to be. That cousin I mentioned? When he used to call, he would go through 20 minutes of asking questions about random things (and I would be like, get to that point, what do you want?). 

In contrast, this is me, on the phone: “Hello? Vlad? Do you have any potatoes I could borrow? Great, thanks. Bye.” And only after I hang up, I would think “oh crap, I forgot to be polite”…. I was supposed to ask about Vlad’s mother’s health, chat for a bit about random things, ask about how the new puppy was getting on, mention the weather, explain that we built a new fire pit and were planning to bake some potatoes, ask if he needed anything, and at some point during this lengthy conversation inquire if they had any potatoes.

I’ve learned to say “please” and “thank you”, you would think I would be able to learn (by now) to include polite (if pointless) small talk as appropriate…. I wish I was better at those little conversations with acquaintances.

Every once in a while, I get a feeling that neighbors and kids’ friends parents are looking at me a little funny. So am I truly weird or just a little strange? (Or is this onset paranoia?) 

Or did I totally fail to become assimilated after coming to this country more than 27 years ago, and  I'm having a hard time fitting in because, darn it, I am too much a product of the USSR? 

Rhetoric questions :)

Dear Reader, do you ever feel, after a conversation with someone, that one of you is weird but you can't tell if it's them or you?