Friendships

Part of being from a military family is that you don't get to grow up in a single place with the same kids. You move. Your friends move. 

One thing I learned - when people moved, and I lost a friend, and it felt like I would never have another friend like that - it was true. I would never meet another person exactly like that. I would go on to make other friends, but they would be different. The friendships would be different.

I don't make friends easily. 

I've been fortunate to have met some truly exceptional people. Sometimes, I can tell right away that we "click" and we will be friends. More often, I am completely clueless. It also happened (more than once) that there was initial dislike.

Back in the early 90's, after what felt like an eternity of not having any friends at all (we moved when I was 13 and the transition was extremely rough) - I finally had a best friend. We could talk for hours. We went on walks in the evenings, after dark (because "darkness was the young people's best friend," or "temnota - drug molodezhi" or something along those lines). We made each other laugh. We used to laugh so much... To this day, I have not met another person as ready to laugh, as ready to share her life, as easy to talk to (and to laugh with)... 

A few years later, in college, I had a best friend, a "kindred spirit". It felt like we were going through all the same major life events at the same time. She was like a sister I never had. I felt like I could tell her anything. These days, we are separated by a vast distance and we rarely talk because we get so busy with work and family, and the time difference makes things even more tricky. We drifted apart as we aged and formed new relationships that changed us. And yet - I still very much feel like she is my sister... and we share history from college days. I will never meet another person as determined and brilliant as she is. I miss that close friendship and I miss our late-night conversations about everything under the sun.

There was another friend in college who was like a brother I never had (but always wished I did). He moved to another country when I was finishing up my sophomore year. I haven't seen him or heard from him for more than 20 years. I suspect he is not alive (but I hope I am wrong). It is unlikely that I will meet anyone as frustrating, enraging, kind, confident, and angst-ridden as he was. I miss his friendship.