Work and Books

Work.

I might have mentioned a couple of months ago, that work was crazy: unsustainably high-intensity overwhelming projects.

This is one of those "be careful what you wish for" things. Not that I wished for anything - I was just barely surviving day-to-day, trying not to drown in everything that was coming at me. I felt so out-of-depth. So yeah. I need to finish up a couple of things - but all those projects are going away. The client is going away because they no longer want to work with our team. Not a pleasant feeling. I refuse to be "the fall guy"- there were a lot of issues before I joined the team (including lay-offs, conflicts with the client, and people quitting). I kept repeating over and over again that I was not the right person for the job. Unfortunately, it seemed like there was no one else to do that job. I was told that I was doing "just fine!" - until nothing was fine.  

I firmly believe that, for me, the best way to learn something new is to jump into it and do it, make mistakes, learn, improve, and, eventually, become an expert at that skill. This is much more efficient than trying to learn by watching others do something, or helping others do something... I never really truly learn the skill until I am actually full-on committed to doing it. This is true for hands-on science experiments and techniques, writing, cooking, organizing parties... pretty much anything and everything.

That said - there are situations, where "jumping into it" is more of "being thrown into it", without adequate preparation, tools, knowledge, or support. It can be a total train wreck. It's not even "sink or swim" - it's more of "I don't understand the concept of water" situation.

So that's strike one.

Strike two: a long-term client that we have a very good relationship with and that has been happy with our work is no longer sending us more work. With all new projects, they feel that we charge too much and they end up sending those projects elsewhere. Upper management on our side believes that we don't charge enough and want to raise the prices. Most likely, we are going to loose that business, too.

Writing on the wall: time to look for a new job.

Books.

I feel slightly depressed. In part, because I feel bad about the work situation. In part, because I finished my fiction book and I have nothing on my shelf that I can dive into. I have a couple of non-fiction books I am slowly working through, but that's not the same as looking forward to an all-engrossing read in front of the fireplace. 

I recently finished "The Expanse" series by James S.A. Corey. There were some books in the series I liked better than others. The final book - Leviathan Falls - was OK... I read it more out of respect for the authors than for the enjoyment of the book.

Darling Girls by Sally Hepworth - it was intense and I loved most of it - but it didn't stick the landing.

The Hunter by Tana French was excellent. 

Last night, I finished The Sequel by Jean Hanff Korelitz. Loved it.

But now there is this void... I have a few books I put on hold at the library, but nothing I am super excited about.

What do you do when you feel like you failed at something?