Looks like I’ll be going back to work in a month. I am excited and terrified at the same time. I’ve been home with the kids for 16 months. I am used to the flow of things, to the convenience of being home for my family, the evenings that I can spend any way I want (reading, mostly). This new job – it will be really new. Career-changing new. I am leaving the bench-work science behind and starting out in medical writing. Writing full-time… I am scared.
I will not be able to produce well-written material. I will not be able to meet deadlines. I’ll be horrible at my job. Everyone will realize I am a fake and don’t qualify for this position. My life will be over. I’ll never see my children again. My children will hate me. My 16-month-old will no longer love me. My children will miss out on xyz opportunities because I’ll be at work. They will be failing school. They’ll grow up and require extensive psychotherapy because their mother chose to work rather than be home with them.
They offered me the freaking job! I completed their writing test – and the team liked it enough to interview me and to hire me! My writing is fine. I earned a Ph.D - that’s no walk in a park. I know how to work. I’ll be ok.
I’ve worked before and I was happy and the kids were fine. In the past, I was able to work out a schedule (get-in-early-get-done-early) that maximized the time I spent with the kids. My life was a little crazy but – overall – I was happy. The kids did really well as far as learning/development stuff. My daughter acted out a lot but she does that when I stay home, too. We’ll be ok.
This opportunity is great in so many ways. I will be learning a lot. It is a new field for me. The money is good. The commute is good. I liked the people. There will be opportunity to work from home a few times a week once I get established. Down the road, if I like it, I can continue with the company – plenty of opportunities for promotion. If I decide it is not for me, with the experience I get there, it will be much easier to get into freelance writing (or find a job at with a different company).
There is a lot to figure out in the next few weeks (childcare... backup childcare... schedules... ). I better get on it! I know I will feel more relaxed once these things are resolved and I have a clear view of how our life is going to be organized starting in July :)
How do you find childcare and/or nannies? I always seem to struggle with this...