Nationality

Not everyone who is from Russia is Russian.

They could be Korean, or German, or Buryat, or Jewish, or Uzbek. They could be Ukrainian, Latvian, or Armenian.

There is a difference of concepts here that’s under-appreciated.

In the US, citizenship and nationality essentially represent the same thing. You are American because you have the US citizenship. On top of that, there is ethnicity - you could have Italian roots, or you could be Irish. Being Jewish is sometimes a religious thing and sometimes an ethnic thing, and sometimes both. You could be Romani.

So, if you are born in the US, you are automatically American, right?

This does not apply to the rest of the world.

If you are born in Russia, you are not automatically Russian. In the USSR (and, probably, in modern Russia), citizenship and nationality are two different things. The concept of nationality there is more similar to the American concept of ethnicity. You could have Russian citizenship, but your nationality could be, say, Latvian. Or in my family’s case, Jewish (yep, that’s what it said in our official paperwork – my birth certificate had entries for parents’ nationalities).

I don’t think USSR was unique that way,either.*

I suspect that if someone is born in France, that doesn’t mean that everyone accepts them as French, either. Perhaps I am totally wrong, but I do wonder if Romani who are born and live in France are accepted as French? Would some people be referred to as “French-born Albanians, or French-born Romani, or something like that?*

Another example: if you were born in Japan, to American parents, would that make you automatically Japanese? Or would you be perceived as American? Would random people in Japan accept you as Japanese?

It’s not, in itself, good or bad. It is just a difference of perception and a difference of tradition.

But please don’t insist that I am a Russian. Because I was NEVER considered to be Russian when we lived in Russia. Yeah, I know, I may be a bit sensitive there.

(Also, please do not assume that just because I was born in Russia, I am amazing at ice skating or love drinking vodka.).

 

*I could be totally wrong…. Please feel free to correct me.

 

We are all tribal creatures, and there has always been and always will be a tendency to have “us” versus “them”, which may be defined by citizenship, religion, ethnic background, race, political party, or numerous other factors.

Not Gifted

Prodigy. Gifted. Talented. These words have a nice ring to them, right?

I think I may have looked into gifted programs before I even had kids. I definitely looked up school offerings for gifted kids while we were looking into moving to a new school district – before any of our kids were in Kindergarten. I searched local private schools specifically geared to teaching gifted kids. Because even though I could tell early on that our kids were not prodigies (they did not teach themselves to read at age 2 or figure out Pythagorean theorem by age 4), still, they were smart, and curious, and good at puzzles (E) or near-Machiavellian analysis of motivations (H), so I heartily hoped that they would be ushered into the elementary school gifted program without much difficulty.

Imagine what an ego-deflating moment (for me) it was when neither of our older kids got into the gifted program! They didn’t even get a call-back for further testing after initial giftedness screening in 2^nd grade! Most of their friends seemed to be in the gifted program. Their cousins were in the gifted program! Did this mean I failed our kids as a parent? Was I supposed to “coach” them ahead of testing? Was I supposed to let them play all those educational games on tablets and smart phones for hours and hours to prepare them for computer-based tests?

When he was in 4^th grade, our son would come to me and say, excitedly “I ran into the gifted teacher, and showed him that space shuttle I built with my kinex/legos/craft sticks, and he said they were going to build xyz, and then learn about jdk, and then do a project with qpr!!! That would be so much fun!!!! …Oh, mom, I kind of want to be in the gifted program.” Eventually, he asked me to sign him up for additional testing, and after talking to our principal and signing a bunch of forms – he got tested by a psychologist, using whatever standard gifted testing they do. He didn’t score high enough. He was sad for a couple of hours… and then he moved on. He is now in 6^th grade – he is fine. He just finished a STEM course where they built rockets and learned about Newton’s laws – he was absolutely in heaven and asked me to get him a physics textbook. He wants to join an engineering club next year.

Last week, our 5^th-grader daughter asked to do additional testing for gifted program. Honestly, I am reluctant… I am worried that she would be more sensitive to “not doing well” – whatever that means in this context. While our son was able to pretty much shrug it off, I don’t know if she’ll be able to move on quite as easily. [Or she could get into the gifted program… She is smart, and quick-thinking, and very good at math, and awesome in every way possible.] We’ll talk more about it, and I’ll ask for her teacher’s opinion, and we’ll have to all think about how education is affected by the pandemic and if it even makes sense to try to get into gifted program since she will be in middle school next year.

Our 1^st grader will probably be tested sometime next year. We will see how it goes. I am pretty sure she will do fine with or without gifted program.

At this point, I am kind of half-amused, half-resigned that our smart, curious, wonderful kids are not considered gifted based on whatever criteria our school district is using. My ego has recovered. Our kids’ egos were never affected (as far as I know).

Now, I am not super-ambitious and I don’t have any super-ambitions for our kids. Mostly, I just want them to be healthy and happy. Academic achievements – would be nice, but I am not willing to push them (other than an occasional prod to make sure E. remembers to turn in his work, or helping with homework when asked, or reading with C). We are all happy when kids get good grades, but I keep reminding them (and myself) that learning is more important than test scores, and the most important thing is that they understand the material. None of our kids find schoolwork difficult, but all need to do at least some work to stay on top of things. Right now, we are all happy that they have plenty of time for playing outside, building things, and reading. And snuggling with parents – can’t forget the snuggling!

What’s Up With Math?

In Russia, they call math “The Queen of all sciences”. [Математика – царица всех наук]

I guess it's not surprising that I put math very high on the importance scale of stuff I want our kids to learn well and be good at. 

The 1^st grader – I don’t worry too much about it. Yet. Whatever baby-math they are doing in school (the 1st grader complains it's too easy), we plan to supplement with some additional fun math stuff (whenever we’ll have some extra time… hasn’t happened yet...). 

The 5^th grader has some natural aptitude for math. She is in “accelerated” math – meaning when she was in 3^rd grade, she got to skip over most of the 3^rd-grade math and jump into 4^th grade math. I really don’t understand why the school does it – I mean, why force-crush ahead instead of providing more practice and giving challenging problem to kids who are good at math? It’s not like the (supposedly) 6^th grade math they are doing right now in 5^th grade is challenging or in-depth… they do super easy stuff, most of the time. It’s not geared for kids who like math or who are good at it. It’s geared for introducing the basics on topics covered in 6^th grade math curriculum in some US schools (and probably more like 4-5th grade elsewhere). Their teacher does provide tricky problems for kids on occasion, but, still… I feel like what they are learning is very surface-y. Like they never get the chance to fully internalize and practice the basics and before they get the chance to learn anything in depth, they hop to a new topic.

 

The 6^th grader has been doing great in his math quizzes and tests most of the year – which got me worried. He is also in accelerated math, although math was not his strongest subject at the elementary school level. For him, math was … not exactly a struggle, but there’ve been hiccups along the way. He has a tendency to make silly mistakes (because of not paying attention, or forgetting something super basic that they’ve covered months ago). So when, for months, he’s been getting perfect scores, I started to worry. I talked to another parent with a 6^th grader – she had similar concerns. Math has been easy – too easy. The kids barely have to do anything – and there’s no homework. They are learning – a bit – negative numbers, some algebraic concepts. But it’s an absolute minimum of learning. And it’s not sticking in my son’s head – he grasps new material very easily, but then forgets it all just as easily. Hence, the most recent algebra quiz – he didn’t do so great. He tells me he now understands things better, but when I ask him to add two negative numbers, or to divide a negative by a positive, he has to think a while, whereas these things, by now, should be totally second nature, like recognizing letters of the alphabet. And that’s pretty much all they’ve been doing this year.

I get it: this has been a super-challenging year. Some of the teachers and students have been struggling. It is very hard to teach both virtual and live students at the same time. I get it – let’s put the emotional well-being before all else.

But it shouldn’t mean that kids do NOTHING in math this whole year.

So… Intervention time.

Especially for the 6^th grader (he agrees).

Any recommendations for workbooks (I’d like to stay away from screens as much as possible since the kids are full-time virtual and spend hours on screen during school time)? Any printouts?

Weekend Report

It’s been chilly here. The kind of weather that’s perfect for sitting in front of the fireplace, reading books and playing board games. Also perfect for walks. Not so much for biking, though.

On Saturday, after picking up the yard a bit (it’s been windy, so lots of branches strewn about), I went for a walk around the neighbourhood and C joined me on her bike. She’s always been very cold-resistant and not one to complain about minor discomforts, but there she was, grumbling loudly that her face was freezing and that she couldn’t feel her fingers, while I helped her up the numerous hills (I was sweating). Yes, we were able to zip up her jacket so that it covered at least part of her face and yes, she was indeed wearing gloves. I told her I could feel her pain – I don’t like biking in frigid weather, either.

Husband and son have been working on the shed throughout the weekend. Older daughter helped some, too. The roof is finished and they just need to do a bit of work on the sidings. In the meantime, C, the youngest, spent hours playing with Legos and dolls.

On Sunday, we went on a family hike and explored a new trail. One of the kids (H) complained and sulked, but considering that she was in a really good mood the rest of the day, I think it was all good and worth it. The weather was perfect – cold enough so that the mud was solid (although things started thawing out towards the end of our walk) but sunny and not too windy. There was some ice on streams and puddles. We saw a red-tail hawk, a few dogs, a couple of people, and a few neat houses (one that was octagonal-shaped!). It wasn’t a super-challenging hike, but there were a few hills, lots of interesting scenery along the creek, footprints and pawprints to decipher in the frozen mud, and a few farm fields.

Kids had a movie night on Saturday – we watched Penelope. On Sunday evening, because we had a productive and nearly whining-free day, we watched “Woolfblood” for an hour.

E. started reading “Maze Runner” and he seems to love it. C read a few stories from a kid magazine aloud to me (she is getting so confident!). Everyone practiced their musical instruments. I finished Maise Dobbs (I didn’t love it… most of the characters were just so annoyingly GOOD) and started reading The Luminaries – not sure yet if I’ll stick with it.

Cooking:

·         I made amazing (if I may say so myself) split pea soup – we have some saved for today’s lunch

·         Husband and I made stir-fry that’s going to last for a couple of dinners

·         I made pan-fried barramundi fish for Sunday dinner + roasted vegetables

·         Tuna salad that’s going to be good for a couple of lunches early this week

·         Kids made pasta with vegetable sauce for lunch

·         H baked ginger snap cookies

·         I baked Swedish Dill Bread

·         There were also some buttermilk pancakes

Cleaning: um… nothing… just laundry.

Book vs Movie

It is a well-known facts that there exist many movies that don't measure up to books they were based on. 

My default thinking tends to be: "Oh, a book! I am going to read it! Then, it's going to be so much fun to watch the movie!"

I don't think this paradigm is working all that well for me.

All too often, after reading and loving a book, the movie is... just not quite as good (or not good at all, or good but half the stuff I loved got cut out, or the way the characters are portrayed clashes with how I saw them in my head while reading the book, or the story was changed). The movie just becomes kind of.... disappointing.

Examples: Dune (thinking of David Lynch's 1984 version), Harry Potter series, Pride and Prejudice.

There were a few exceptions where I didn't particularly enjoy the book but the movie was fun to watch.

Examples: The Hunger Games series, Bourne Identity, Everything is Illuminated (thank you, Mr. Schreiber, for directing it and making it so real. Also, Russian is actually spoken by native Russians! Awesome!)

And then, there are books one discovers after watching (and loving) the movie. Terrifying thought - there are probably some books I would have never read if I hadn't seen the movies and wanted MORE.

When I was a kid (back in the USSR), I saw Jules Verne's "Children of Captain Grant" and I became completely obsessed with it. When I learned there was a book (I remember my mom saying something along the lines that reading a book is even more interesting than watching a movie) - it was like a promise of something so amazing - like a giant present waiting to be opened. As I child, I LOVED the book. Sadly, I tried reading it as a grown-up, and... nope. 

Also, "The Three Musketeers" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" - seeing the movies first helped visualize the characters and made getting through the books easier.

During Perestroika, some of the previously banned or "disappeared" stuff started coming back. Right around 1990, there was a "Week of Tarkovskiy" (Russian-born film director with a very distinct visual style, sort of like a Soviet version of Kubrik) - where every night that week, a different Tarkovskiy film was broadcasted on TV. The only one I saw was "Stalker" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuOnfQd-aTw). I can't describe the impact that movie had on me. I have never seen anything like that before. I was about 12 years old, and nothing I have ever experienced could compare... It became the Paragon of Science Fiction. I pestered my mother with questions - why? what does it mean? I don't get it... but why and WHAT DID IT ALL MEAN? She happened to mention that, years ago, she read the book (Roadside Picnic by Arkadiy and Boris Strugatskie). A book??? There was a book?  

I spent years looking for Roadside Picnic. It wasn't in any of the (small-town, middle-of-nowhere) libraries. It wasn't at the bookstores. I couldn't find it anywhere - no one in the family had it even though many of the adults seemed to have read it.

In the late 90's, in Seattle, I was browsing through the Russian section of the university library and I stumbled on a new edition of the Strugatskie's works in multiple volumes. Roadside Picnic was there. It was everything I expected it to be and then some.

More recently, there have been "Blade Runner,"  "Let the Right One In," "The Man in the High Castle," and "The Expanse", where watching the movies and shows lead me to the books. 

Do you have favorite books that were made into movies that you thought were amazing? Do you have favorite movies that made you go out and get the books?

Phone Calls and Video Calls

Growing up, I hated using the phone.

“Hullo??? HULLO??? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Calling mezh-gorod (inter-city) was a sort of alchemy. It was complicated. You had to know the ropes. I remember my parents calling the operator to request a mezh-gorod connection. Then the operator would call them back, letting them know that “mezh-gorod” was ready.

 

Sometimes we went to a special place (called “Telegraph”, I believe) where you could send telegrams and also make long-distance calls. There were special little cabins, and the operator would call out “Call to Kharkov, go to Cabin 17!” And we would stuff ourselves into the tiny Cabin 17 and do our best to slide the door closed.

“HULLO? Mum? YES! IT IS! CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

There was always an unspoken assumption that someone could be listening in on your call. A bored operator, perhaps. Or worse.

“This is not a telephone conversation” – code for sensitive stuff that was not for other people’s ears and could get someone in trouble.

 

When we lived in the Far East, we had a military phone at home. There was no dial tone, but an operator answered after you picked up the phone. 

Iceberg-2.

To call my dad, all I had to do was pick-up the phone, hear "Iceberg-2" and say “Please connect me to Medical”. And then, “Can I speak to Major Zhxxxx, please.” I always felt so guilty if I had to get a hold of my dad over the phone, like I was taking up people’s valuable time that could be used for something better.

To call anywhere outside our immediate little army base, one had to ask to be connected to Iceberg 1. And then, depending on where the call needed to go, there would be a whole string of code names.

I remember my dad trying to get through to some far-flung hospital or another military base.

Iceberg 2. Iceberg 1. Piano.  P’ero.

When we moved to Latvia in 1991, we didn’t set up a phone at all – didn’t have the money on extras like that. If I wanted to call my favorite cousin in Riga, I had to leave our apartment, walk about 2 minutes to a nearby dormitory/hostel and use their payphone. At that point, there was no disembodied operator, just a bunch of numbers to get through to Riga and then our relatives’ number. It would take forever to place the call because the line to Riga was always “busy”.

 

After coming to the US, using the phone became a whole other level of torture. I stutter, and my stuttering got so much worse with the stress of having to use a new language (even though I was fairly fluent, it was like my brain wasn’t wired for speaking English full time, resulting in embarrassing stuttering and stammering). It was even worse when trying to speak English over the phone. And I had to do it in the beginning – because my parents couldn’t do all those phone-calls with electric companies, and phone companies, and what not, when we were getting set up in our apartment.

And then there is this whole other thing about speaking to someone you can not see. No body language to help you.

The idea of cell phones turned me off. I did not want to be reached anywhere, any time. I did not want to have a cell phone as a leash. I ended up getting one in 2004 or 2005 – because my future husband and I needed to be able to speak with each other frequently, and we were going to do long-distance relationship thing for a few months while he was finishing up his PhD.

I didn’t get a smartphone until 2020 because I was happy with my little button phone. It did everything I needed it to do: call people and send and receive texts. Until it couldn’t…. the company discontinued supporting that type of phone, half of the texts weren’t going through. So, now I have joined the (nearly) rest of the world in owning a smartphone. I mainly use it to send texts and whatsapp messages. Sometimes, I use it to make calls. Sometimes, I use it to check email, listen to podcasts, or check on my favorite blogs. It’s fine. It’s a tool.

For most phone calls, I use our house internet-based phone.

I suppose I would use the smartphone more if I wasn't working from home or had to travel.

I still don’t like phones.

I also really don’t like video calls.

Because when I am on a phone with my mom, or aunt, or a friends, sometimes I like to fold a bit of laundry, or cut up some vegetables for a salad, or maybe even stretch out on our sofa in the dark. Video calls, instead of making me feel closer to the people I talk to, make me feel more removed. I also feel like I am more on “display” and need to present myself as favorably as possible (stressful!).

What do you prefer – phone calls or video calls? Or neither - and are perfectly content to be disconnected from everyone most of the time?

Weekend Report

Overall, a nice weekend. Perhaps slightly boring, but in a good way.

My husband and son made good progress on building a wood shed. It is very impressive (and big)! Husband loves doing it – it’s like therapy (working outside, having something to show for your work, making something new – all very satisfying). Our son, I suspect, does not love construction work quite as much, but he does enjoy the bragging rights – showing it off and saying “Dad and me built this!” He is very proud of the work they have done.

I was nowhere as productive. I puttered around doing some cooking, baked a sourdough beet bread, read quite a bit. I did get 2 nice things accomplished – de-cluttering our bedroom and organizing the mud room. The bedroom looks much better – there were too many papers, knick-knacks, and junk accumulating on all the available surfaces. The mud room needs additional shelves and better storage, but I give myself an “A” for (finally) going through all the shoes and putting away out-of-season stuff, sorting through out-grown stuff (keep vs donate vs throw-out… there were a few pairs of cleats and I have no idea at this point if they were for baseball or soccer), and moving stuff to the attic where we have the “donate” boxes. Those boxes definitely need to take a trip to Goodwill soon…

 

The highlight of the weekend was our hike. We found new trails nearby!!! Miles and miles of new, unexplored trails! We probably did about 3 mi round-trip. Part of the trail went near small farms – there were goats!!! There were some new condos nearby, which got us thinking that the farmland would be eventually sold off and made into new developments. There were streams, and trees, and birds, and the kids were singing on top of their lungs “Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!” because they’ve been reading Pippi Longstocking and just watched Pirates of the Caribbean. The trail we started on that snaked around farmland connected to another trail on a preserve that had a completely different feel (more like a forest). We loved it. All the kids loved it – they want to go back in the spring and summer (because stream, catching frogs, etc, etc). 

Random Musings

Random thoughts:

Reality is overrated.

Would I even be able to tell the difference between truth and illusion? Would I want to?

*****************************

From “Altered Carbon” by Richard K. Morgan.

The book is a bit too “hard-boiled” for me, but it is an interesting read and there are some real gems here.

“The human eye is a wonderful device,” … “With a little effort, it can fail to see even the most glaring injustice”

 

“Just as a primitive sextant functions on the illusion that the sun and stars rotate around the planet we are standing on, our senses give us the illusion of stability in the universe, and we accept it, because without that acceptance, nothing can be done.”

*****************************

I went through a phase in graduate school with a lot of self-doubt, navel-gazing, and time-wasting about what-ifs:

What if the concepts we consider as axioms and base all our scientific explanations on are inherently faulty? Does it mean we have build a giant castle with no foundation and it will topple over? 

My interpretation of the data (I was studying effects of anthrax toxin on immune cells) is based on assumptions and biasis... what if they are wrong? What if am I wrong?

I was paralyzed with indecisiveness. I couldn't make up my mind about what the data meant... 

My mentor gave me "mental" kick and said something along the lines that it's better to be wrong than do nothing at all.

Dear reader, do you ever wonder about truth versus reality? About not being able to perceive the truth of reality?

Scientist on the Roof Pandemic Style

Here is where we are now. Life in the trenches, so to speak… (well, not really, but I figure my future self might appreciate reading about the daily boring grind stuff…)

Three kids, ages 12, 10 and 6 (almost 7). All in virtual school (6^th, 5^th, and 1^st grade).

Husband, working full-time from home.

Self, working full-time from home.

My parents live nearby, we see them often (outside only).

Husband’s parents live about 2-hour drive away. We see them periodically (outside only).

Balancing what’s safe vs what’s necessary, vs what’s fun has been very, very hard. I mean, this virus is very contagious, but it’s not the plague… There are some things (I am thinking health-wise) that are more deadly and more dangerous than the current COVID-19.

Hence, I feel it’s important to keep up with necessary medical visits & procedures and most dental visits. Yes, my dad will go get that biopsy done, even though he doesn’t want to. Yes, we will all get our teeth cleaned (unless there is a bad COVID spike in our area, then we will postpone…) and get our cavities fixed and whatever else is absolutely necessary. Yes, I will do all those mammogram and follow-up visits.

Some human interaction is necessary for everyone’s mental health. Outdoor time with grandparents has been great. Kids wear masks if they are in proximity to the grandparents (masks can come off if kids are running around and playing in the yard and far away from the grandparents). I love discussing books with my mom (over the phone or on their back porch). Husband spends hours catching up with his parents and siblings over the phone. I try to stay in touch with my best friend and talk to her every couple of months. Husband tries to stay in touch with friends from grad school. We don’t do social media, so it’s all about phone calls.

Kids haven’t had any formal playdates in a long time. My son’s best friend sometimes comes to our yard with his siblings and their giant dog and kids chat for a while (everyone masked…. Except the dog, obviously). My son has gone dog-walking with that friend (again, masked) a few times. We’ve gone on (infrequent) forest hikes with another family. We’ve done 1 bike ride with another family. It was fun and we should do it again (both of those families are super cautious and their kids are very good about keeping their masks on).

I was telling my husband the other day that it really helps to have 3 kids that are somewhat close in age and whose interests somewhat overlap. They fight a lot, but they hang out together a lot, too. Usually not all 3 at once. Two will do stuff together while 3^rd kid does stuff on his/her own. Interestingly, it is usually the youngest and her older sister, or the youngest and her older brother that are doing stuff together. The two older ones don’t seem to hang out as much these days. In any case, all 3 kids have had a lot of time with minimal parental supervision and each other for company. They discuss important stuff with each other and commiserate on the number of chores their parents make them do. They gossip about teachers, warn each other about bullies, and sometimes even help each other with school work or music practice.

On the flip side, fighting among kids has become a problem… Not surprising, because they’ve been together all the time for months. They now all have their own rooms – but that hasn’t been as amazing as I expected (because they unceremoniously barge into each other’s rooms and then I hear “GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! MOM!!!! TELL HIM/HER!!!!”)

 

Dear readers, please drop a note about your life and what keeps you going…

5 Year Strategic Plan: First Iteration

Main goal: stay alive.

Main concern 1: high-risk of breast cancer

·         Every 6-months follow-up with Breast Surgeon and mammogram or MRI

·         Possibly follow-up with oncologist

·         Possible (likely) daily tamoxifen

·         Set up trust and make a living will

o   Find an expert who can help with this…

Main concern 2: my father’s upcoming prostate biopsy and potential cancer diagnosis

·         Call parents and talk to them frequently

·         Get together with parents (outside, masked)

·         Provide advice/support as needed, find doctors as needed

Mid-level concern: physical and mental health (husband, kids, and self):

·         Get outside! (every day, if possible; with family or alone)

·         Exercise! (outdoor walks and hikes count as exercise)

·         Encourage husband and son to go on runs and bike rides together.

·         Family bike rides when whether is warmer. Solo bike rides.

·         Play board games, ping-pong with family.

·         Comedy movie nights with family!

·         Read fun books.

·         Encourage kids and husband to read for fun.

·         Fireplace! Fire pit! Woodstove! Roast potatoes and other stuff.

·         Go on hikes and explore new trails.

Low-level concern 1: children’s education

·         Have our 1^st grader read to us at least 3 times a week.

·         Math games and extra math practice (all kids) once or twice a week.

·         Science books and projects (all kids) once a month

·         Read and discuss books with 5^th and 6^th graders (just finished Dune, thinking about reading some Poe with them).

·         Virtual lectures, museum exhibits, documentaries – address each person’s interest:

o   Black holes, history (especially wars), engineering, history of ancient world

o   Insects, spiders, psychology, gymnastics, cooking

o   Biographies

o   Soccer, animals

o   Art, literature, science

Low-level concern 2: maintaining and making new friendships (everyone in the family!)

·         Outdoor masked: walks or hikes with friends

·         Virtual hangout with friends and family

·         Call aunts, uncles, and cousins.

·         Get more involved (kids, community?), volunteer (maybe?).

Global crazy-town concern 1: global pandemic dragging on for the next decade, with the virus turning more infectious and more deadly, and vaccines not being able to keep up with mutations.

·         Go on hikes in the forest

·         Read fun books (by myself and with kids)

Global crazy-town concern 2: The country and economy collapsing, Nazis taking over. Not being able to buy basic necessities.

·         Go on hikes in the forest

·         Read fun books (by myself and with kids)

·         Encourage self-reliance and resourcefulness in kids

o   Encourage cooking (help as needed)

o   Encourage foraging and fishing

o   Praise independence, sense of adventure

 

A Room of Her Own

 Our youngest child (6 years old) has moved into her own room.

She has shared a room with her older sister for… oh, I don’t even know how many years. It worked pretty well until last spring. Then they were home all the time because of the pandemic, plus everyone was getting older and more opinionated, so we got squabbles. Lots and lots of squabbles.

Over the summer, big sister moved all the toys out of their room into the attic/study (where I work) – because, I guess, being 10 means she is too old to play with dolls, Calico critters, and doll houses. It actually worked out pretty well. C spent hours last summer playing quietly in her new play-space while I did my work. When I wasn’t working, kids could build sprawling cities and roads, put together fancy LEGO houses, play “school”, and dress up the dolls. And you know what, big sister joined C and they would play together nicely, and sometimes all 3 would be busy with some construction project and my husband and I would be, like, “oh, we did something right! Look at these wonderful children playing so well together”, and then 2 minutes later “oh, never mind!” - because it would all dissolve into a horrible sibling fight.

We finally finished painting C’s room over the winter break. She wanted it all purple – we agreed on a very light shade. I was a bit worried about the final outcome, but the room looks really cute. We split apart the bunkbed (my husband’s old bunkbed that he and his siblings shared), so each girl has her own bed. Grandparents have a desk for her that they are re-painting (purple, I expect). For now, we put in my old kitchen folding table from the good old days in Chicago. There is a bookshelf that C filled with books and art stuff. Then C moved in a pile of toys and now there isn’t much room for… anything. I got to figure out some storage solutions for her...

Also, my study looks like a junk room (because lots of toys and random boxes are all over the place here – how did this happen?) and needs a major cleaning.

C is doing virtual school in her room now… We’ll have to work out whether it is best if she still does school work next to us (we set up workspaces for her both in my study and our bedroom where my husband works, so we can take turns being parents-on-duty and still get some work done) or if she’ll do most of her work in her room and comes to parent-on-duty when she has questions.

I am curious to see if in a few weeks the girls would decide they miss each other terribly and decide to do a sleepover…

Winter Break 2020 Highlights

• Walks. My favorites were walks to the nearby park with my son. We went on days that were slightly below freezing, so we could explore the trails without sinking into mud. It felt so good, like discovering new worlds. One of our hikes was a couple of days after it snowed, so that was extra fun. We followed footprints and paw prints, and even skiing tracks. I love winter. Not the slushy mess that’s underfoot right now (because rain and above-freezing weather – ridiculous….) but the real thing – with snow in the trees, brisk air, blue skies. We also went on family neighbourhood walks and ogled at people’s houses (there are some pretty cool houses with unusual styles!)

• Outdoor fire pit. We had a stretch of cold-but-nice evenings, so my husband had fire going. We roasted potatoes and ate dinner in front of the fire to stay warm. The whole thing was kind of like pretending to rough it in the winter woods but then going back into the house and sleeping in our nice warm beds. Oh, and kids made s’mores. As far as I am concerned, nothing beats a potato right out of the hot coals, but to each their own, I suppose.

• Indoor fireplace. And snuggling with books, or playing board games in front of the fireplace.

• Ping-pong: we got ourselves a small ping-pong table for Hanukkah. Husband and son are really into it! We have it in the living room for the time being, so can enjoy the fireplace and play ping-pong at the same time.

•  Food. I baked a lot of sourdough bread. Daughter baked a cake. We also made multiple batches of cookies (oatmeal/raisin/chocolate chip and ginger snap). Husband cooked lamb. He also made his amazing beans in the cast-iron pot (not on top of the wood stove this time, just on our regular gas range). We had food exchange with my parents. They sent “vinigret” (beet salad), cow tongue (I haven’t had it in years! Delicious! Kids loved it but said they would never mention eating tongue to their classmates), and cake.

•  Movies. We all had some extra screen-time (because holidays! Vacation!) Kids watched Elf, Son of Bigfoot, and Star Wars original trilogy. Husband and I watched True Lies and Buffy. We all watched Wolfblood.

•  Kids had zoom and skype fun with their friends. Son and his best friend were designing something (a computer, I think?) and talking about their holidays and gifts. Older daughter and her friends are working on doing a remake of “just add magic” – so they were putting together a script and practicing their roles. And also just talking on the phone (for hours). Youngest daughter (she is 6) got to hang out with her older sister’s friends on Skype (but she was grumpy that she didn’t get to see her own friends).

•  We went on a masked hike with friends to a new park (new trails!!!). It was good to see friends and our kids are similar age and get along really well. Good thing about winter hikes – masks keep your face warm!

• Husband and son replaced split-rail fence and got started on building a wood-shed.

•  Dancing. The kids and I had a spontaneous dance party while waiting for the ball to drop on New Years Eve. They got some good moves, especially the 6 year old!!!

•  No work!!! No school!!! Sleeping in until 9 (first time since our son was born >12 years ago)!!!

 

TV Shows

My husband and I watch TV shows almost every night.

I used to be more of a movie person - I liked the format where a story unfolded over the course of about 2 hours and then it was done. 

These days, the <1 hour per episode works so much better... because we are tired and can't stay focused late in the evening (after kids are in bed) for >2 h. I've been really enjoying long story arcs, too, where you get used to the characters and get to know them, and character growth can be awesome. Also, streaming (we have you-know-what_prime) is awesome because we control the time (ie, can watch whenever we want to), there are no commercials, and, for older shows, the story unfolds much faster without all that pesky waiting for the new season.

 Husband and I have somewhat different tastes. I love science fiction. He loves comedy. Part of the fun is findings shows we both enjoy. I couldn't watch Sopranos (too violent... too stressful) and he refused to watch The Expanse (too sci-fi). I had to quit watching The Marvelous Mrs Maisel (too anxiety-inducing and I missed half the jokes). We both loved The Americans, The Tick, True Blood, Sneaky Pete, White Collar, Monk, The Man in the High Castle.

We are watching Buffy right now - we are on season 5. I've seen random episodes during re-runs in the early 2000's, but I don't think I've ever seen the entire thing beginning to end. I am kind of surprised that husband likes it - but I guess there is enough comic relief stuff for him. I am not even sure why I like it (character growth, maybe?) - but we are having fun watching it, even though there are some cringe moments and some of the characters are so annoying (Xander!) I have no idea why they are part of the show.

I still enjoy movies on occasion - like a family movie night (extra fun if I get to share one of my old favorites with kids), but the TV shows have definitely become our default relaxing grown-up time. I really like watching shows with my husband - somehow, watching alone just isn't as much fun. Because, hey, we get to smirk at each other, and raise eyebrows and give each other meaningful nods, or do eye-rolls during cheesy moments.

Kids smuggled their way in during a couple of early season 1 Buffy episodes, but I think they are too young for the show (ages 6, 10, and 12). Kids were super-grumpy to be banned from watching Buffy but I think I found a decent substitute that is more kid-friendly: Wolfblood. We saw the first 6 episodes and the kids seem to like it, and husband and I had fun watching it, too.

Please share any recommendations for TV shows, especially kid-friendly stuff for the 6-12 range!

Today, January 6, 2021

 I get a really uncomfortable anxious feeling when TV is on non-stop, especially when no one is actively watching anything. It’s even worse if I wake up to TV being on first thing in the morning.

I notice it when we spend time with extended family – they like watching sports and sometimes just leave the thing on. They also give green light to kids turning on and watching TV as soon as they wake up. And I go into a hyperventilation mode.

It took me a while to figure out what was going on. It wasn’t like it was anything bad on TV – just baseball, or football, or cartoons. Yet I was having such a disproportionately negative reaction to it – it really truly freaked me out.

Do I have a strong dislike of sports? OK, maybe, but not really. I even watched a football game once with my husband last year – no panic attacks, quite on contrary it was quite fun (although I kept bugging my husband and kids with 1001 questions because I had no clue what was going on).

Do I have a strong dislike of cartoons? Yes, Disney makes me gag, but, seriously, it’s not that.

It’s deeper.

Tension. Stress. Uncertainty.

I remember, as a young child, one day when my parents were glued to TV. I felt ignored and lonely. I was hoping to watch a cartoon (Thumbelina!) but it was cancelled, and instead, my parents were sitting in front of the stupid TV and asking me to please be quiet. There was this palpable tension in the air. Whatever was on TV seemed extremely boring, but, clearly, very important to my parents. There were people talking, talking, talking. And my parents, staring, tense, and anxious. Brezhnev died. It was not clear who was going to come to power next. It was not clear what sort of a turn life in USSR was going to take. If things would go back to the time of Khruschev or Stalin, or if it would be something else entirely.

As a teenager, I remember watching TV with my parents when Lithuania, then Latvia, then Estonia declared independence. I remember scary stories of OMON (soviet special militsia unit).

I remember being glued to TV when GKChP took over during the putch, promising (threatening) to send army to bring Latvia back. Then watching TV as Soviet Union as fell apart. Then, a year or two later, watching squabbles for power in Moscow, involving army tanks going through the streets. I remember, watching in disbelief, the government building being fired at.

Yes, we had TV going non-stop. Because that was the only way to get at least some idea as to what was going on.

Fast-forward a bit, then a bit more. 9/11. TV on all the time.

So well yeah, no kidding: waking up to blaring TV freaks me out. Because TV on means something bad is happening, that I have no control over the situation, and all I can do is just watch.

I am going to go and turn TV on. Because mob is in Washington DC, storming the Capitol.

This is just like Russia. This is just like the USSR. All I can do is turn the TV on and watch in horror and powerlessness. I have no idea what I am going to tell our kids.

Sad News

My dad’s cousin, Rozochka, passed away. Rozochka means “little rose” and is a variation on her name Rosa. My dad has another cousin named Rosa, referred to by everyone in the family as “Big Rosa”. Because she is quite tall and stately. Rozochka, on the other hand, was tiny (like, 5’2 in heels?).

Rozochka was my grandfather’s favorite niece, which created all sort of odd frictions in the family. His sister lived nearby soon after Rozochka was born (or maybe they lived with my grandfather’s parents for a time?) and my grandpa used to babysit Rozochka. He was 14 or 15 at the time, and he would take Rozochka on walks, with her sitting on his shoulders. The passerby would utter in surprise “such a young father” – which absolutely delighted my grandfather.

Which reminds me…  When I was 16, that first summer after we came to the US in 1994, I used to take care of my second-cousin’s daughter, Lenochka, while my cousin was helping my parents with all sorts of immigrant stuff. Lenochka was 2 years old and absolutely adorable – plump cheeks and curls and all. I loved playing with her and taking her to a nearby playground. When people saw us together, they would ask in shocked voices “Oh my God, is this your daughter?” I thought it was kind of annoying and somewhat ridiculous – I mean, come on, I am just a kid, can’t you tell (I wished I looked older, but I knew I could have easily passed for a 14-year old). It wasn’t until I went to high school in the fall, where there were pregnant girls and girls who already had a child, that I realized it wasn’t all that weird for people to wonder...

Back to Rozochka. She helped us a lot that first year. She taught us about grocery shopping and coupon clipping. She taught us about Salvation Army and took us there to get some clothing and kitchen stuff. She and her husband drove us around whenever we needed to get places (because public transport in that town was less than optimal and we didn’t have a car). She helped us get set up and settled in the US. She was a strong person, a brave person. She took care of people, including her mentally ill brother who lived with her for many years until he passed away. I will remember her, and I will tell our kids about her, and G-d willing, I will tell our grandchildren about her, too.

Favorite Books 2020

Samantha Ellis, How to be a Heroine. 

Reading this book reminded me of conversations I had with friends in college. It made me want to call my best friend and talk about books (I did! It was fun!). It made me want to talk about books with all the people I know (didn't work out so well... not all of my friends are as obsessed with books). It made me want to have tea and a long conversation with Samantha Ellis and ask her a million questions. The salt thing for the "evil eye" - my parents used to put a packet of salt under my crib mattress. 

Amor Towle, A Gentleman in Moscow 

Loved it. Want to buy this book (I borrowed a copy from our library) and read it again, slowly. This is a kind of a book I could pick up and open on a random page and just jump into it. 

Fredrik Backman, Britt-Marie Was Here 

So well-written. Funny and sad at the same time. 

Kate Quinn, The Alice Network and The Huntress 

Really liked both books, especially The Huntress. The romance line at the end of the Alice Network felt kind of unnecessary (like, hey, the target audience is women, so that means must slap on romance and happily ever after?). I am going to need to read more on the Night Witches... 

Cath Crowley, Words in Deep Blue 

Really well-done YA that felt honest. 

Lara Prescott, The Secrets We Kept 

Amazing: intelligent and sensitive. Intersection of history, literature, espionage, politics, and love story. 

Katarina Bivald, The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend 

I loved the characters... feel-goody and cozy book to read in front of the fireplace. 

Cambria Brockman, Tell Me Everything. 

This was an excellent thriller - I couldn't put it down. Interesting exploration of college friendships, an excellent tie in of beginning and end (things that didn't quite add up in the beginning of the books all of a sudden made perfect sense), good mix of expected with unexpcted. 

 Amazing new finds: 

Martha Wells - I freaking loved Murderbot Diaries!!! So entertaining. 

Ted Chiang - I read his collection of short stories "Exhaltation" - this is the science fiction I love... This is WHY I love science fiction. Those stories reminded me of the stuff I grew up with! I didn't love every single story in the collection, but I really liked them all, and I am am absolutely getting more of his books at the library.