Birthday: 45

 I turned 45 a few days ago. It's a good number. If you add the digits, you get 9, a square number. If you switch the digits around, you get 54. I'll be 54 in 9 years!!! 

I treated myself to a hike in the park (even though it was a busy day at work). H made me a swiss roll cake - and it was delicious. E made me a beautiful red origami fox. C made me bookmarks (I really needed new ones because I keep losing them). I read, I gave and received hugs, I opened the present from my husband. In the evening, we all went outside to watch the meteor shower (Geminidis). It was very much the perfect ending to a fantastic day.

I feel so fortunate to be 45, to have the strength and the health to do the things I enjoy, to spend time with my family, to do the things I love doing.

Update

 I got the call from the radiologist! Phew, the biopsy results showed the mass was benign. Long exhale... So glad that right now, today, I am healthy and strong.

And in other news...

• It's raining outside
• Today is my last day of work before the break... supposed to be only working half-day but we'll see how that goes!
• Still a few more presents to wrap (good thing there are 8 nights of Hanukkah....)

Falling

In the last month, I've had 2 biopsies. First, an ultrasound-guided one. The mass that they thought corresponded to the abnormal MRI finding turned out to be a benign fluid-filled cyst. Which is great, on one hand (benign!), but that also meant that they didn't get the right spot (because the thing that came up on MRI was definitely not a cyst). 

So,  I needed the MRI-guided biopsy. The radiologist said to expect a phone call with results later this week.

I feel like a biopsy over-achiever. I should have a tally: thyroid biopsy (check), multiple ultrasound-guided breast biopsies (check), breast-surgery-biopsy combo (check), MRI-guided biopsy (check).

Now waiting for results.

Falling into anxiety. And exhaustion. And general sense that the world may collapse at any moment...

Parents and Children

 

Some musings on the theme of whether or not children owe anything to the parents...

One of the culture shocks after coming to the US in the 90's was my perception that, for many families, once children were 18, they were expected to move out and be independent. Where I grew up, it was common for children to live with parents until marriage... and sometimes even after marriage, as multi-generational families.

After nearly 30 years here, I see a lot more nuance... but still, children are expected to "take wing" around 18, although this may simply mean that the said child moves away to college that the parents are paying for. Parents, on the other hand, are expected to carry on with their lives, have hobbies, travel, not rely on their children, and be independent and self-sufficient. Is there an inherent assumption that, once grown up, children and parents are no longer connected? 

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Children did not ask to be born... parents bring them into this world, raise them (to the best of their abilities), feed them, educate them... One could argue that these are all "gifts" we give to our children, and when you give gifts, you shouldn't expect anything in return. Let's assume that the parents are not horrible abusive individuals, but regular mortals who do their best but often make mistakes. Should grown children have an obligation to do anything for the parents? Or is it completely peachy if they never want to speak to the parents again? 

Maybe because I am so lucky to have amazing loving parents who would do anything for me, the idea that I can just... forget about them and drop them once they are no longer useful makes me want to cry.

I "owe" everything to my parents. It feels me with dread that someday I will not have them anymore.

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On the flip side, if you are a parent , should you still "owe" to your kids to support them, help them, do anything for them when they are 20? 30? How about 15? Is there an age where you say "my dearest child, I no longer owe you... anything" or are we responsible for our children forever? 

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I do my best to provide a good, safe environment where my kids can learn necessary skills and values (integrity and grit) in order to survive, and I want to instill belief that they can get through anything. I do my best to have fun with kids, to make good memories and solid foundation for their future lives. I want them to know they are loved and valued (always and forever). We don't know what the future holds, but I hope that if they have dark moments, they'll be able to reach back to their childhood and use the happiness and all the good stuff to give them strength.

I really want my kids to become decent human beings. I love them and I want them to be happy - but I absolutely expect them to not be selfish little pricks who think the world owes them something. I wouldn't want them to feel like they are responsible for my happiness or well-being, and I don't expect them to support me in my old age (but some help would be nice).

I am not sure where this is all going...  Relationships are complicated. Families are complicated. I want to have a family that, year after year, is able to have fun together... even if there are disagreements (politics! money!), even if we annoy each other... I want to be there for my kids and I want them to be there for me.

 

Medical Stuff

I had a biopsy yesterday. Waiting for results... 

Quick recap: there was an abnormal finding during an MRI scan (I get those once a year because I'm high risk for breast cancer) and the original radiologist recommended a biopsy. However, the radiologists at my practice did not think the mass was suspicious (it looked like it's been there for a couple of years). The surgeon (who did my surgery back in 2020) thought that it would be a good idea to do a biopsy anyway, just to be on the safe side.

They were able to use ultrasound to find something that looked like the right size and the right place to match the MRI findings. They can't be 100% sure they biopsied the right thing, though, because that mass "collapsed", suggesting it's a cyst, and cysts don't look like that thing they saw on MRI. 

• I am immensely glad that the medicine and technology are so advanced - the whole biopsy procedure took just a few minutes and I was at the office for less than 2 hours. There was minimal discomfort and no pain. I was able to get back to work and back to regular life 
• If needed (and if insurance covers it), there is an option of additional MRI.
• There is also an option for MRI-guided biopsy, if needed.
• I am very impressed that I can get all these follow-ups, tests, scans. Yes, they take time - but it is so important to catch cancer early.
• Thinking of all the friends who have cancer: there are new treatments being developed, new ways of minimizing side effects, there is so much research (both in academia and by big pharma) that aims to extend lives and maximize the quality of life.

 

Halloween

Yesterday, H had her first lesson of 2nd session of rock climbing. She was bouncing off the walls. I don't know if it's the actual climbing or all the Halloween candy that's making her so hyper...

Halloween was... OK. I don't know, I just don't get particularly excited about costumes, candy, or wondering around in the dark with a bunch of hyper kids. We had 2 clowns and Kate from the Mysterious Benedict Society. 

To be honest, putting together (very last minute, as always) a clown costume for our youngest was pretty fun. H did her face paint. (I wonder if I can convince our kids to put together a clown show of some sort for Thanksgiving....)

I was trying to convince our 14-year old that he was too old for this... he didn't buy into it.

About 20 minutes into our trick-or-treating, the rain started to drip. But the kids wanted to keep going... so we did.

Random (rhetoric) questions:

• Why do we have to dress up on a specific day? Why can't we dress up in costumes whenever we want to?
• Why do kids like candy so much?
• Would they dress up for Halloween and walk around the neighborhood if there was no candy involved?
• Will I remember the Halloween stuff fondly? Will I miss the hubbub? Will I be relieved once the kids no longer want to do it? Will I regret not doing more while they are still little-ish?

Weekend Report

 We had a beautiful weekend in Washington DC. We walked around - a lot! We went to Air and Space Museum. 

There was whining. There were near temper tantrums (including one of mine). There was quite a bit of hanger.

Favorite things this weekend: 

Saturday: Library of Congress, the amazing weather, the view of the Capitol (we couldn't go inside), Lincoln Memorial and the Reflection pool, WWII Memoiral and the fountains. The wide streets, the architecture, Iran human rights demonstration, the activity near the White House (road blocked off! black fancy car*! multiple security cars! EMT truck!). Also, futuristic-looking electric unicycles people were zooming around  on!

Sunday: space shuttle, military planes, Concord, WWI-era planes, Japanese kamikaze plane, old computers and equipment used for space exploration and reconnaissance missions, treasure hunt through the museum with C, eating outside and watching the airplanes land. Visiting my best friend from college before she and her family leave for another country.

*Oh man, I haven't thought of "Chaika" in decades - those were the black shiny government cars back in the USSR.

And, like a sword over my head - the upcoming imaging (end of this week) and then, on a different day (yet to be scheduled), a biopsy. And the dark thoughts that I waited too long, that I should have pushed for it more, and earlier, and got the results back sooner...

October Snapshots

Kids activities:

• E has the most stuff. Weekly violin lessons and Young Musician Orchestra rehearsals. At school, he has cross country (although the season is over this week), Honor Strings, and French Club. He also helps out at Hebrew School.
• H has piano lessons and she is doing rock climbing once a week. She is also in French Club. She started taking lessons to prepare for her Bat Mitzvah.
• C has piano lessons and is doing soccer. (Need to find something else for her to do, sports-wise, for winter months). Plus, Hebrew School.

Parent activities:

• Work, occasional walks, reading, TV shows, updating the mud room (painting, new furniture, etc).

Fun stuff: 

• Hilary Hanh concert with E and my mom, followed by chocolate treats. 
• E and H went to a local scare-park (Bates Motel). They went on different days, with different groups of friends. E (who is 14) said “not scary at all!” but had fun hanging out wit his friends. H (she is 12) said that she had her eyes closed most of the time (and got around by holding someone’s hand or getting piggy-back rides*) but had fun with her friends.
• We are going to Washington DC with my parents this weekend.
• E had friends over for dinner and sleepover.
• We went on a very nice hike last weekend! Miracle of miracles – no one complained!
• Family bike ride two weekends ago. There was some complaining from kids (too many hills… too tired… too bored… not going fast enough…) but we survived.
• A walk at a local arboretum with friends (and their kids). The kids got lost (or the parents got lost, depending on who asked), but it all worked out. One of the kids borrowed a phone from the person at the entrance check-in and called to tell us where they were. (E, the oldest, wasn’t there because he was planting trees somewhere else with his friends).

Not good stuff:

• A neighbor and a friend was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer.
• I need a biopsy.
• My parents are depressed (because of health stuff).
• War in Ukraine
• Politics

Good stuff:

• We are alive.
• There are lots of books at the library.
• Fall colors are beautiful.
• I can go walking in the park.
• There are exciting concerts coming up (Rachmaninoff’s piano concertos! Shchedrin’s version of Carmen! Peer Gynt performance for kids!)
• Our local theater is doing Sound of Music
• I can hang out with my parents during E’s YMO rehearsal.

*H is very small for her age.

MRI, Risks, etc.

Hello again. It’s been a while. 

I’m high risk for breast cancer, so I get to have an annual breast MRI in addition to an annual mammogram. MRI is expensive, so there are a bunch of hoops I need to jump through every year in order to get it scheduled. There is an authorization code that the ordering physician needs to obtain and send me, and then I have to send it to the MRI office. I have to do all radiology (including MRI) at a different provider than the one all my doctors are affiliated with. Which means I need to physically bring CDs with mammogram images to the MRI office, and then take CDs with MRI images to my surgeon’s office (except it seems like this year they finally managed to share electronic records – so maybe I won’t have to do it next year?). Also, breast MRI has to be done during a certain time of my menstrual cycle, so that complicates the planning and scheduling.

I had my MRI done a few weeks ago in September, and then I waited patiently for the results. As usual, hoping “not yet”, hoping that they wouldn’t find anything of interest.

Unfortunately, they did find something. There was a small mass that the radiologist at the MRI office flagged as bi-rads 4, and recommended biopsy.

Except then another radiologist (at my usual provider’s office) looked at the MRI results and said “not so fast”. He disagreed with the conclusions of the 1st radiologist – because that mass was not new, it’s been there for a couple of years. So, he said “no biopsy needed – have the original radiologist take a second look.”

I was temporarily relieved. No biopsy – great – who wants biopsy? I’ve had a few – they are not fun. I wouldn’t want to undergo an unnecessary biopsy.

Except the 1st radiologist stood by her initial assessment and said “yes, biopsy”.

At which point I began to slightly freak out. I mean, freaking out because one needs a biopsy – OK, it’s scary, because there is always a chance that it may be cancer. But here I was freaking out because I didn’t know what to do – 2 experts were giving me opposing opinions. Also, both radiologists pretty much refused to talk to me in person (or on the phone). 

After numerous phone calls with the nurse practitioner, asking her questions that she couldn’t really answer, I finally managed to get an appointment with the breast surgeon who did my surgery back in 2020.

I had a whole list of questions to figure out why there was such a discrepancy between the different radiologists, and what should be done, etc, etc. Most questions turned out to be unnecessary because the breast surgeon said – you have 45% lifetime risk of developing breast cancer (because atypical ductal hyperplasia plus a few other factors), you are doing everything we asked you to do in terms of screening, so yes, let’s do a biopsy. 

I actually feel better… Yes, I need a biopsy, but it’s better to know, one way or another. If it’s indeed nothing interesting and the 2nd radiologist was correct – fantastic. If it’s cancer – it best to know while it’s still small.

There is still one caveat – they may not be able to see the mass on the ultrasound. In which case, I’ll need MRI-guided biopsy.

In the meantime… I’ll do my best to not give into the panic mode. I’ll keep saying “please…. Not yet.”

Dear cancer, I know you’ll probably get me eventually – but can you please wait…. 

Just wait.

Weekend Report

Shana Tova!

Oh what a weekend.

Friday: cleaning frantically and baking carrot cake.

Saturday: cooking and cleaning (frantically) to prepare for family get-together for E's 14th birthday. Everyone had a great time (even H said the party was a blast). There were hamburgers, hotdogs, s'mores, carrot cake, salads, snacks, etc, etc, and a giant watermelon. My husband did a ton of grilling and had the firepit going. In the evening, we got to sit around the fire and talk.

I made the sour cream icing for the carrot cake but H+C did all the decoration work. H had the idea to make a minecraft-themed cake. C helped with the decorations, but mostly did what H told her to do. There were a lot of toothpicks (to attach the various minecraft objects to the cake). 

Also on Saturday (after everyone left and we cleaned up a bit): kids and I watched a couple of episodes of the Rings of Power.

Sunday: more frantic cooking for Rosh Hashanah dinner with my parents. It turned out great! I tried a new carrot kugel recipe and everyone really liked it.

Monday: We joined the Rosh Hashanah services on zoom (kids complained). While listening to the services, we played a round of Harry Potter Clue. C was about to have a huge meltdown because she kept loosing house points to all the "dark mark" cards, but then she figured out the who/when/how and won the game. The girls and I went to the Tashlich ceremony, heard the shofar, and had a picnic in the park. The kids played with friends and I chatted with people from the congregation. E didn't go because he wasn't feeling so great (not covid... just a cold).

Musings on 14

Our oldest child turned 14 today.

Honestly, this is hard to process. Because 14 is... almost a grown up.

He is kind and clever. He is a good teacher. He is patient. He has hobbies that he is passionate about. He loves information and has a great memory for random things. He has a very good sense of direction (and makes sure I don't get lost). He has good friends.

I turned 14 when we lived in Latvia. I was in 8th grade, same as our son.

There are moment when he turns into a sullen grumpy teenager. There are moments when he seems so young. 

He is almost as tall as I am.

I had so much more independence when I was his age... I need to give him a chance to be his own person and make his own mistakes. 

I need to give him more space... I have this lingering fear that if I don't constantly poke him (did you do your homework? you need to practice violin! brush your teeth!) he'll never leave his room and just turn into a puddle of goo on his bed. We have a lot in common - and I know that the more people tell me what to do, the less I want to do it... but if left to myself, I'll get things done, eventually (usually... there were times, around age 14, when I forgot stuff and let people down... it was painful but did not force me to be any more organized). I KNOW I need to let go and let him learn how to be responsible for his choices (ie - lack of practice = poor performance)... but I don't want him to suffer the consequences... 

I became a parent 14 years ago - I am learning... Perhaps some day I'll be an expert at parenting... but not yet.

Back to School 2

The older 2 kids started school yesterday, a day behind the youngest one.

Grades 7 and 8...

I wish there was a little more "pomp and circumstance" around starting the school year. The big kids definitely weren't thrilled when I asked them "what outfit are you wearing?" 

They are going to wear clothing, they informed me. They did not need help, they said, and rolled their eyes.

Did they pack their water bottle? Snacks?

[Eyerolls from the big kids.]

They allowed me to snap their pictures in front of the house, backpacks on and ready to go. C and I walked them to the bus.

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The back-to-school night for the parents was last night. We followed the kids' schedules (husband did the 8th grader's and I did the 7th grader's) from class to class, met the teachers, checked out the classrooms.

We were warned that parking at the school was going to be a mad-house, so husband and I walked from our house, taking the shortcut through the woods (to avoid busy roads without sidewalks). It was slightly more challenging than I expected - we had to get over a stream via slippery rocks and find our way through tall grass without tripping on random roots and branches sticking out of the ground. Coming back - in the dark - was interesting, too (we did bring a flashlight).

The bad news: no swimming this year, again. (Why? They have a pool at their school! This makes no sense) 

The good news: most of the teachers were excited, organized, and prepared.

I am looking forward to watching the kids grow and learn this year...

Back to School 1

 Our youngest is starting 3rd grade today!

Her backpack has been ready for weeks. She was super excited to meet her teacher and find out who was in her class!

It's raining today, so we didn't do our regular front-yard pictures in front of the fruit trees (maybe tomorrow?). I snapped a couple of photos while we were having breakfast and another one of C with her rain jacket, rain boots, umbrella, and backpack on our driveway. 

We walked to the bus stop (in the rain - so what?). We waited for the bus. The big brother came along to keep us company. C got on the bus and... off she went to the 3rd grade!

The first time she was at that bus stop - she was an infant... and her big brother was in Kindergarten...

I am not ready to be done with summer. I am not ready to be done with vacation. I want more - hikes, ocean, bike rides, hanging out with kids...

Countdown to Maine

 Kids are back home. Girls are playing with the neighbors. E is (sort of) practicing his violin.

They had a blast with their grandparents and cousins. There were adventures, lots of movies, and good food.

We have a couple of "quiet" days (not really... because appointments, music lessons, and packing) and then we are off to Maine.

School supplies for C are mostly in her backpack or have been ordered. School supplies for E and H - I have no idea. They can figure it out.

C has a playdate this afternoon with another friend - first "real" planned playdate since... oh I don't know. Spring?

I'm having a hard time focusing on my work... 

I just baked a loaf of sourdough bread - I think I'll go grab a piece... to help me concentrate...

We need to start packing... and look up a few hikes (H already did that but I need to look at what she sent me)... and find some pie places we could go to!

Weekend Report

All kids felt well and tested negative for Covid on Friday/Saturday, so we took them to their grandparents. We'll be picking them back up on Tuesday. That means Sunday, Monday, and most of Tuesday - no kids at home. It's weird, and relaxing, and a little sad, and confusing.

Saturday

• Quick blueberry pancake breakfast... then kids packed up their clothing for "Camp Grandma and Grandpa"
• Drove to the grandparents
• Spent the day with family: lots of good food, conversations, kids playing in the stream, kids playing soccer with their cousins, kids all but licking the neighbor's dog who decided to adopt our party (because all the lavish attention he was getting).
• Drove back home without kids...

Sunday:

• Bike ride with husband (it was painful... it's been a long while since I've gone biking in the local parks... ohhh the hills...)
• Our shower broke - water had to be shut off, the shower was in pieces
• Trip to Lowes to find parts to fix the shower and to buy paint for mudroom
• Painted 
• Dinner out - we sat outside and enjoyed the food, the weather, and the people-watching.

Random Stuff

• School! Big kids found out their "teams" and teachers. They are getting excited about going back to school (that would be after Labor Day)! They are figuring out which of their friends are in which classes with them...
• A few new teachers - including a new orchestra teacher (for E) and a new math teacher (for H). Hopefully they are good and tough...
• H is on the same team as E was last year.
• All kids took covid test today - all tested negative. H is convinced she still has covid and is feeling pretty anxious. She is loads better than she was a couple of days ago (back when she had super congestion and runny nose) but is complaining about sinus pain and is asking to go see the doctor. I am hoping it will all clear up... 
• I looked up Maine on Atlas Obscura (because we are going to Maine in a week)... and then looked up our own state... This reminded me that I really wanted to do day-trips to local destinations this summer and we never got around to it.
• H and C started taking piano lessons with my mom. Because their regular piano teacher was selling her house and cancelling lots of lessons and potentially moving far away... and then she took the house off the market and is now not moving anywhere... but I think we'll just stay with my mom for the time being. But we do need to make a nice card for the old piano teacher and give her some nice stuff... My kids really liked her and made good progress.
• Hebrew school may or may not happen this year... because they are having a hard time finding teachers...
• Work has been frustrating and stressful. Not the work itself - the set up... the lack of support... and sense that everyone is overworked and disgruntled. 

Again

 One of my kids tested positive for Covid on Monday. I tested negative on that same day - but it's probably only a matter of time.

The "positive" kid has had bad congestion and runny nose* for about a week. We did test her a couple of days after her symptoms started, and she was negative, so we all relaxed.

The kids were supposed to spend this week with the grandparents, so we figured "let's test H again, just to be on the safe side!" And - yeah. Everyone is staying home now.

I've had unpleasant cold symptoms* for the last 5 days (which was why I did the rapid test on Monday). I will test again tomorrow.

E has some congestion and sneezing. C is seemingly fine.

*We all had Covid at the end of May/beginning of June. It seems that this time around, H and I have milder symptoms than before. In May, she had a fever for a couple of days and really did not feel well. This time around, she actually feels fine - except for the annoyance of the stuffy runny nose.... Hopefully this is not spoken too soon, so knock on wood, etc, etc.

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Other than that, all is fine. Kids are disappointed they didn't get to do "camp grandma and grandpa", but they understand that we can't risk infecting the grandparents and great-grandparents.

They agreed to all contribute to buying a large Lego set (I'm contributing a chunk of money, too). We were planning to go to a Lego store, but with the covid that just never seems to happen, so Amazon to the rescue. They spent hours (HOURS!) selecting the set and arguing about the price they were willing to pay. It should be getting here today or tomorrow.

In the meantime, C is downstairs (first one awake), going through her school supply list and putting things into her backpack. I was hoping to do it with her, but she is set on doing it RIGHT NOW and I got to get going on work stuff. She is 8 and a half. She can figure it out... 

Last night, E and C (oldest and youngest) stayed up super late, talking. I was trying to sleep (it was after 10!), but they just kept talking... part of me was like, "kids! get to bed!", but another part of me was secretly enjoying this brother-sister bonding.

Weekend Report

 

Saturday:

• Husband took H rock-climbing. She loved it.
• I took the other kids to the Colonial Plantation.
• We petted the sheep, learned how to make linen, helped make butter and cheese, and stayed at the place much longer than anticipated! 
• The kids now want to get our own butter churner and cheese cloths so we can make butter and cheese.
• Yardwork... stupid bunny munched on our pea plants.

Sunday:

• Farmers market
• Had our own tomatoes (with store-bought mozzarella) with lunch. 
• Husband did a ton of yardwork. The rest of us went to the pool.
• Cooking: beef stew, sourdough bread.
• Reading: The It Girl by Ruth Ware

In other news: H and I both have horrible colds. I tested for covid this morning - negative.

Kids were supposed to go stay with their grandparents this week. Not sure if this is possible now... It's going to be a really tough week if it ends up as a combination of being sick, having tons of work, and kids having to stay home with no planned activities.

Ugh. Didn't sleep well last night, all congested, and work has been insane.

Board Games Crisis

The kids and I play board games sporadically. We don't have a designated "game night".  Every once in a while, when the mood strikes, we'll be looking through our shelf and saying "Hmm... what should we play?"

I think our game shelf needs some revisions. We have plenty of games - but I am usually not in the mood for any of them.

I haven't felt like playing Scotland Yard in ages. Not in the mood for card games, or Clue, or aggravation. I have been so tired in the evenings that I just can't handle anything that requires thinking or planning (so definitely no chess). 

We used to love "Ticket to Ride" but it's a pretty long game and I need something that can be finished in under half an hour.

Last couple of times, we ended up playing "4 in a Row". My 12-year old beat me every time... The 8-year old beat me once. (It's kind of neat when your kid surpasses* you at something but also just a little sad... ).

I don't like Monopoly (as in, it gives me huge anxiety... and also too long). I've never tried Risk but it doesn't seem appealing at all.

So I guess I need something (relatively) mindless but fun and that can be played with multiple players. Maybe Pictionary or charades? Honestly, I am totally drawing a blank.

*Speaking of being surpassed by kids... the violin music my son is currently playing - it is HARD. He is so beyond the point when I could offer any help.... 

The older daughter (the one who is 12) is very close to playing all the same music I like to play on the piano (she is not quite there yet but will surpass me in another two or three years if she sticks with piano).

Books and Movies

Recently finished reading: "Diamond Eye" by Kate Quinn. Very good. I have to say I usually avoid historic fiction, but I have liked every single book by Kate Quinn so far. I really like how she is able to take real events and real people (Lyudmila Pavlichenko, WWII sniper) and weave them into a story that's both sensitive and honest.

Currently reading: "Our Kind of Traitor" by John le Carre. I like it so far, but I haven't had the time to get too far into it.

Currently watching, sort of: Wayne. Really like it, but I don't know if I'll be watching the last 2 episodes.. there is just too much violence and I feel so bad for Wayne and Del.

Currently watching, sort of: Victoria. Kids and I started watching it a few weeks ago - we got through the first season. The girls like it - and it's a fun show to watch together and discuss the queen, how life was back then, etc. We'll be picking it up again once my work stuff gets settled down a bit.

Finished watching: Outer Range. It was... weird. And not necessarily in "this is so weird, I love it!" kind of way. I did like the scenery - the mountains, the fields... nicely done cinematography. The characters were either outright despicable or difficult to like.

Finished watching: Night Sky. It was weird, but I kind of liked it. Puzzle within a puzzle. Love the concept of secret doorways and null-transport. Hopefully 2nd season is coming.

July Report

July turned out to be a bit crazy. Because a) crazy work load; b) summer camps.

So summer camps are absolutely wonderful. The only problem with day camps is that you have to drive your kids to and from. When I was planning this, it seemed doable - and it was doable. Just stressful. We tried to "bunch" camps as much as possible, but at best, 2/3 kids were in 1 camp and the 3rd kid was either home or at another camp. So - lots of driving/shuttling kids means the work day is fragmented and it's hard to get work done. Normally, it wouldn't be too much of an issue, but we had an explosion of work in July and not enough people to do it. 

Kids did the following camps:

• Tennis camp (1 week, 1 kid)
• Soccer camp (1 week, 2 kids)
• Theater camp (3 weeks, 1 kid)
• Theater camp (same as above but for younger kids; 2 weeks, 1 kid)
• Occasional 2-5pm gymnastics practice that's about 25 min drive away (1 kid; she only did it twice and then decided competitive gymnastics was not her thing).

Tennis and theater camp overlapped.

It wasn't all on me - husband did a lot of driving on the days he was working from home. My parents helped with soccer camp pick up and took kids to the pool in the afternoons. It was just a combination of a ton of work and not being able to focus on it for long stretches of time - and I got somewhat stressed out.

We had 1 week in Ocean City, NJ, with husband's family. There were 16 of us (8 adults, 8 kids) in 1 house. It worked out fine. I planned to work 2.5 days - rode my bike to the library (much more comfortable and more quiet than in the house). Kids loved playing with their cousins. Grown-ups enjoyed walks and late-night conversations (no late-nights for me, though - I was absolutely exhausted by 9:30 and ready for bed). The ocean was fantastic - the water felt great and the waves weren't too rough. We all did lots of swimming. Our kids got a bit burned one day (sunscreen and all), when we met up with some friends on the beach and all got a little carried away and didn't get out of the sun in time. Nothing too bad - C probably got the worst of it and has a little bit of skin peeling on her nose.

How was your July? 

Weekend Report

Friday:

• Work
• Pool with kids
• Reading The Shadow House by Anne Downes
• Watching "Wayne" with husband 

Saturday:

• Laundry
• Food shopping
• Pool with kids
• Reading "The Younger Wife" by Sally Hepworth
• Picked a few blueberries in our berry patch

Sunday:

• Went to the beach
• Met up with another family
• Kids played together, grownups commiserated about the math curriculum changes
• Lots of sun
• Went for a quick swim in the ocean (swallowed lots of water, etc, etc, the usual).
• Our oldest child is staying with friends at the beach until Thursday. They are planning to do fishing, surfing lessons... He is super excited.

Of Weather and Pests...

• Last few days were on the chilly side. Not that I am complaining. 
• Squirrels ate all our peaches and nectarines. Those things weren't even ripe yet!
• The boysenberries are ripening - but I am under no illusion that we'll get to eat them. The catbirds got them in the previous years and they are back for more now.
• I did eat 2 red boysenberries today - definitely not ripe yet, so tart they tasted bitter.
• We netted our blueberry bushes. Not sure it would do any good... But we have to at least try.
• Rabbits have been visiting our garden and mowing down the lettuce - they dug under the fence. 
• Some of our cucumbers and beans grew along the fence - and got chomped by deer.
• Clearly, we need a pack of feral cats in our yard... to keep the bird, squirrel, and chipmunk population under control.

Weekend Report

 Kids spent the weekend with family in a nearby town. They had a blast - lots of good food, amusement park, kayaking, movies, hanging out with cousins.

Husband and I were home alone. So strange. So quiet.

We caught up on some chores. We gardened, and took care of plants, and relaxed. While he was busy cutting grass and chipping branches, I went out for lunch with a friend. It was nice - I don't get out much these days.

We went to an 80's concert in a park and met up with some friends there. I forgot about this - how when you are at a good concert - whether classical, or rock, or anything - there is this energy. I needed that. 

On Sunday, we had my parents over for breakfast (I made pancakes! and scones!), did more yardwork and then went to pick up the kids.

We had dinner all together at a diner. Kids were impressed and loved the food. C (the youngest) kept saying how this was such a fancy restaurant. The waitress was the best - a little quirky, very charismatic, and a bit like a mix of a grandma, a fairy godmother, and a monarch who just may behead you if you step out of line.

School is Out

 Wednesday was the last day of school.

We are in the transition phase - re-setting expectations, evaluating what's working and what's not. Because even though the kids are on their summer break, the parents have to work. We have some activities planned for them this summer - but not every single day of every single week. 

If I got a chocolate every time H told me she wanted me to be a "house-mom" (ie, not  to have a job) or a teacher (ie, have summers free), I would have a nice stash to last me for months!

Actually, E and C do splendidly while I work. They read, listen to audio books, peruse youtube (E); they have art project and construction projects; they like going to the garden and picking whatever is ready. They are both self-sufficient. Also, they get along really well, so sometimes they'll do a lego project together, or will talk, or will play soccer outside.

It's H who tends to interrupt the most... she can't handle being on her own... She does like to read, but only at night in bed. She used to like to cook, but she hasn't been in the mood for it recently (although she said she wanted to make kugel today for lunch - that would be awesome). She craves constant attention.

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We celebrated end of school year by going out for ice cream with friends on Wednesday evening. I got a small scoop of chocolate ice cream - it was delicious! Much better than I remembered! H and her best friend went for a walk in town - first time on their own - while the rest of us hung out by the court house. They got lost coming back but figured it out by asking for directions.

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Summer expectations for kids when they are home all day:

• Get out of bed and get dressed. Hopefully make the bed!
• Wash breakfast + lunch dishes
• Help out with or make lunch (sometimes)
• Practice piano or violin (depending on the kid)
• Do a bit of school work (like maybe 30 min spent on math or language arts-type work?)
• Clean up cat litter box (they take turns)
• One chore (like folding/putting away laundry, mopping the mud room, vacuuming family room, or cleaning their room)
• Play outside
• Limit screen time 

Fun things for kids to do this summer when they are home all day:

• Maybe watch a movie or play minecraft
• Read!
• Catch frogs, turtles, and toads! And sometimes snakes!
• Going to the pool
• Going to the park 
• Playing with neighbors
• Legos, puzzles, art, crafts...
• Board games

Angry About Lilies

 I've been so looking forward to our tiger lilies blooming...

We have quite a few, growing in our back yard. Last year, the deer ate all the flower stalks before they ever had the chance to open.

This morning, C yelled from the bathroom - "Deer in the yard!"

Someone forgot to close the gates...  a mama and a fawn were grazing and wondering about the place. The lilies - blooms still tightly closed - all gone. 

So angry. So, so upset.

I was trying to figure out why I felt such powerful fury at something that's so... well, let's face it, trivial. Flowers. Yes, pretty, but it's not like we are going to starve... or loose our home... or be ill...  In the grand scheme of things, this is a trifle of a thing.

And yet, I felt extreme fury.

Was it because I felt so powerless?

Was it because I should have checked the gates last night?

Was it because someone else messed up and did not close the gates properly (even though they claimed the did...)?

I feel like I am ready to move on. Maybe I'll buy some other flowering plants. Maybe I'll add some more hanging baskets.

But I mourn the beauty that could have been and now will not happen until next year (if we ever manage to keep the idiotic deer out of the yard).

A little dramatic? Yes, perhaps. 

I am still upset. But I am ready to move on.

Weekend Report

 Friday night:

• H planned and took care of a party for neighborhood kids earlier in the day - it involved cupcakes, cupcake decorating, treasure hunt (she had clues hidden all over) - she was not 100% happy with it...
• Our 3 kids watched part of the LOTR The Two Towers
• Husband took the kids to the pool - and I had some blissful alone time (kids didn't have school that day)

Saturday:

• Friend's Bat Mitzvah 
• E and my mom practiced to get ready for the recital
• Piles of laundry
• Kids watched the rest of the Two Towers
• Husband and I went for a walk in the neighborhood
• Baked beet bread
• Husband took care of food shopping.
• Youngest played with neighbors. A lot.
• H & C had a very public and dramatic sister fight (I think C was hungry and over-tired from staying up too late and reading)

Sunday:

• Neighbors came over for breakfast. Kids played. Grown-ups talked. 
• E's recital - he did great. It is such a gift to watch E and my mom play together.
• We went into town, got some snacks, and hung out at the playground for a bit.
• H and C had a piano guild party hosted by their teacher.
• E watched one of recent James Bond movies.
• Husband and I did some yard work.

Angry about Parenting

 There is an insane amount of pressure on the parents. To always be there for their kids. To always be loving, supportive, and patient. 

Even when kids are being little turds. It's one thing when they are cute and want to give you a hug. It's a completely different thing when they talk back, yell at you, and constantly demand things.

You can't be too permissive - that's bad parenting. But you can't be too strict, either (that's bad parenting, too). You have to "connect", you have to show compassion and understanding. You have to be firm... but not too firm. Loving, but still setting safe boundaries.

We are supposed to be super-human. Never losing temper, never just "losing it". "Losing it" is a failure as a parent. Traumatizing your kids. Setting a bad example. Bad parenting.

We are expected to internalize anger - our own and our children's'. We are supposed to suck it up - exhaustion, sleep deprivation, frustration, stress, worries. 

There are unrealistic standards we are setting for ourselves. We are setting ourselves up to fail.

These are unrealistic standards that we are showing to our kids. Is this what we want to teach them - parents have to be perfect? That our mistakes are failures - of character, of wisdom, of parenting ability?

I was angry today. Not in a lose-my-mind angry way, just angry in an annoyed kind of way. My daughter baked cupcakes for her friends. She also served them juice. When she was cleaning up, she accidentally spilled some juice over the kitchen floor. Not a big deal, right - she just took some paper towels and cleaned up the big spill.

But... she didn't do a very good job cleaning up. When I came down after finishing my work, the floor was sticky... I hate sticky floor. It was driving me bonkers.

So what would a good parent do?

a) Mopping the floor myself - because she is only 11, and we can't expect her to do a good job cleaning up herself.

b) Yelling at the kid until she cleans it up better.

c)"Connect" and say something like "Sweetie, I see that you cleaned up the spill. But you missed a few spots - can you please grab a mop and we can quickly make the floor un-sticky?"

So... no brainer there, option C, right? Her are the problems: the said child is in her room and has no desire to come down. I am trying to make dinner and I don't have time (or energy... or, after a trying day at work, patience) to tip-toe with all the "Oh, sweetie, I completely understand that you don't want to do this right now. Now let's find a solution to this little sticky problem."

Gah. I hate parent-book speak.

In retrospect, it's easy to see the right path. In the moment, there is no path, just frustration.

She did mop up the floor. I didn't have to nag, or beg, or yell, or use 542 words (instead of just 2: MOP! NOW). I think I said something along the lines that I hated the sticky floor, and it was really annoying me. I may have repeated that a couple of times. I guess my kids know, by now, my expectation: that if they are capable of baking and pouring juice, they are capable of cleaning up the dishes and spills.

I thanked her for mopping. I will also mention to her that the cupcakes look delicious and that I was really impressed how she cleaned up most things. 

I am still angry.

Not at anyone in particular - just angry at all the stupid unsolicited parenting advice out there.

Random Observations

• Just a few more days of school left. Kids are in no mood for homework or practicing their instruments.
• Our persimmon tree got quite a few bloom! First time ever!
• There was a bunny in our garden yesterday. We need to fortify the walls, obviously. I found a place where it dug under the fence.
• I took C for a walk to a local arboretum. It was wonderful! 
• Local pool is having problem with lifeguards - that's going to really suck if they can't keep it open this summer!!!
• I miss going to concerts and museums. Hoping to find a few opportunities to do this sort of thing this summer.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

 Big kids had award ceremonies at the middle school. E got 2 (science and orchestra) and H got 1 (language art - she won the local Young Author award).

I was running late - I sprinted into the auditorium as the principal was getting started on his congratulatory speech. It was semi-dark, and I was so hyper-focused on finding an empty seat that I completely missed a giant sign in the middle of the aisle. I spied an empty seat and went for it. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was in the student section (that was the sign!), sitting next to a very loud 7th grader. It was like being suddenly in a zoo - but not on the visitors side. 

I am so glad I am not in middle school and that I never have to attend middle school... 

But at the same time - it was kind of neat to see (yes, annoying and loud) teens resisting the authority of the teachers and the principal. It was pretty obvious that the annoying behavior was aimed at the authority, and not other students. This kid sitting next to me - clapping extra-loudly at random times during the principal's address - I was annoyed at the time, but now that I am sitting in my comfortable (quiet) home - he was trying to be a rebel. And that's normal. That's part of growing up, of testing the limits of how much you can get away with, of poking the authority to see: are they really as powerful as they make themselves out to be? 

It was the same in my day...

I keep hearing (and  thinking) how much these kids today are spoiled, undisciplined, privileged, and lazy. What I saw today - they are the same as we were.

But... speaking of undisciplined and lazy... the lifeguard did not show up at the neighborhood pool today, and the kids and I were super disappointed because we were really hoping to jump into the pool. We even brought friends with us! ugh. 

Hits and Misses: Spring 2022

• Young Musician Orchestra recital (E) - that was great. Our family and friends were able to attend in-person.
• Young Musicians Orchestra auditions for next year (E) - he said he did great; E really wants to be the concert master for next year.
• School orchestra recital (E) - very fun, attended in person.
• School orchestra adjudication trip & amusement park (E) - total miss, E was home with covid.
• Bar Mitzvah (E) - we were able to have services in-person, but some people (including dad) were only able to join virtually (because covid).
• E did track and field at school, he had fun. That's all done now.
• C and E did soccer (intramural, local club, weekly games) - all done.
• H did gymnastics and was invited to join the team. We are thinking about it.
• I signed up to volunteer at C's field day. Couldn't do it because of covid.
• Piano Guild - that's today - was supposed to be H and C, but C is home with covid, so just H is going.
• Harry Potter exhibit: H was supposed to go with a friend a couple of weeks ago. Cancelled because the friend got covid.
• Yevgeniy Kissin concert: I REALLY wanted to go, but... just couldn't make myself commit to buying tickets.
• 
  

Coming up: 

• 3 field trips for all 3 kids next week! C would be just out of quarantine and should be able to do it as long as she is feeling OK (she has no symptoms other than occasional stuffy nose so far).
• Violin recital for E in a little over a week; mom is going to accompany him. Lots of practice still needed!

Bar Mitzvah and Covid

My son tested positive for covid a week and a half before his bar mitzvah. One of his younger sisters tested positive the next day. I tested positive 2 days later.

The following week, my husband tested positive - just 6 days before the bar mitzvah.

In retrospect - maybe we should have been more careful... Maybe we shouldn't have let my son go to a sleepover... or participate in orchestra recitals... or maybe we should have kept all kids home from school for 2 weeks before the event. Realistically, though - we can't (and do not want to) live in a bubble. We do our best to be careful: we vaccinate, we avoid crowded events, and we wear masks even when we are not required to, but that's pretty much it.

It was a small Bar Mitzvah. We were able to have it at the synagogue because most of us cleared the required quarantine. Our youngest tested negative. My husband joined on zoom (and was able to participate - thanks to the miracles of modern technology). Some of the family joined on zoom and some family and friends were able to come and be there with us in person. We all wore masks. We had food outside after the services. Our son was fantastic, reading from the Torah and leading the prayers. It's all kind of a blur. I often get teary-eyed at other people's bnai mitzvahs, but I had no desire to cry at our son's... Our son said it all went by so fast and he wouldn't mind to repeat the whole experience one more time. He seemed so grown-up, standing there on the Bimah, his voice strong, looking so confident and calm.

We rescheduled the outdoor party (small, just family and close friends) to this Saturday. Because it didn't seem like a good idea to have it (even outside) while my husband wasn't feeling great. 

And then this morning - our youngest seemed a bit stuffy, and we tested her, and her test was bright-positive for covid.

We are trying to figure out what to do. We can't really reschedule the party again - just because of logistics and plans for the upcoming weekends. We either have to cancel it, or go with it and have the 8-year old separate and far away from everyone else. It is doable - we have a big yard, and she seems open to the idea of  sitting separately from everyone else and then staying inside and watching a movie on her own. We are talking to the grandparents and other family members to get an idea of comfort levels and acceptable risks...

Let's just hope we don't come down with monkey pox... (what with our recent luck...)

Oh, speaking of infectious disease - our middle child got bitten by a chipmunk. (She was trying to rescue the thing from our cat). She is now extremely worried that she would get rabies or plague or something equally horrible. It's been 5 days - the wound is healing nicely. She spent quite a bit of time on google researching rabies and plague, and she has talked extensively to every relative and friend in medical-related profession about her chances of survival.

Seriously! Chipmunk! 

Family Stuff

We are at a (relatively) good spot with the kids (tfu-tfu).

We've had lots of good conversations! They ask interesting questions. They are thoughtful. They are funny. And for now, they seem to be very interested in sharing their thoughts and listening to our opinion about things. I have no idea how long this will last - the older two are on the brink of teenage-dom. Isn't that when kids think the parents are out of touch with reality and get annoyed by everything we say?

I already get the whole "mom, you are SO last-century! No one uses phone to call - everyone texts!" and "mom, we are the only family that doesn't eat xyz, all the Americans do this!". But it is, for now, all said rather fondly - and not meant to offend.

Meals together are now so much less stressful than 5 years ago. Everyone is able to feed themselves! We have conversations! We tell jokes! Kids still tend to talk over each other and don't always have the patience to listen to their siblings. Not sure if that will ever change...

We haven't been out eating in a restaurant in years. Even before the pandemic, it felt stressful to go out with 3 young-ish kids, so we mostly avoided it. Maybe we should try it (while there is a lull in local covid cases) - this would feel like a totally novel experience.

Speaking of family and siblings... my mom is afraid to talk to her sister (who currently lives in the US). Because of the war in Ukraine. My parents have been very much horrified by what Putin has been doing. My mom never liked him (because of his KGB connection) - good instincts. My dad, on the other hand, had some respect for Putin - until now. So, my parents are very firmly in anti-Putin camp. My mom is not sure what her sister's take on the situation is. She (my aunt) has lived in Kharkiv for many years, and so did my grandparents. They had a horrible time with anti-Semitism while there. So did my dad's best friend (who ended up moving to Belarus because of all the issues he was having).

So, my mom is terrified that she and her sister are going to end up on the opposite sides of the barricade, so to speak.

Mom's sister-in-law and my cousin are in Taganrog, Russia. It's a small city not far from Ukraine. They've been in touch through WhatsApp, but I feel like we need to have some sort of backup communication plan in case Russia declares WhatsApp off-limits, or Meta decides to shut off WhatsApp for Russian citizens. They never talk about politics - just basic things, like are you OK and is everyone healthy. We have no idea what their opinions are - and we wouldn't want to put them at risk in any way, therefore, we watch what we say (and they watch what they say).

How do you work around any in-family political disagreements? Avoid the subject altogether, disown family members with offending viewpoints, politely nod and smile while wishing you could strangle the other person?

Weekend Report

Things have been tough and I have been tired and demoralized.

Last week was a blur of activities. I stayed afloat (didn't forget to do anything important) - but barely.

This weekend:

Saturday

• H had gymnastics and C had her first spring soccer game.
• E had to finish up some homework.
• We drove to see family in rural PA for a birthday part and stayed overnight at the grandparents house.
• It was great to see family. The weather was beautiful and we went for a walk.

Sunday

• Hike at the Hawk Mountain. We didn't see any hawks, but saw quite a few turkey vultures and a bald eagle.
• Kids had fun hiking (because it was beautiful and because their cousins were there).
• Got back home and got started on regular chores and week prep.
• Talked to E about summer plans (he can research various volunteer, summer camp, and job options for himself).

Forsythias are blooming. Daffodils have opened around the yard. Our trees are about to sprout leaves and flowers. I should be happier and more excited about spring . Instead, all I want is to hide under the blanket and eat chocolate. 

Dark Thoughts

 I am glad I am alive.

What I have is this moment.

I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. But that hasn't changed - we never know if there will be a tomorrow. We just assume that we will get to have another day, and then another, and then another.

We have our home, we have food, we have water. There are no bombs falling on our heads. (not yet)

We don't have to hide in bomb shelters. (there are no bomb shelters around here)

We don't have to evacuate. 

There is a terrible war in Ukraine. People are dying. Everything is being destroyed. 

There is a terrible situation in Russia - the impending economic collapse may be worse than what happened after the collapse of the USSR. Will the fall of economy bring about hatred and violence? That was a rhetorical question.

My son has asked me what we would do if the nuclear strike was coming.

I am angry and heartbroken that (thanks, Putin) he needs to think about that.

I told him that we would get our family together, eat good food, tell stories, play games, and laugh.

I am telling myself to "always look on the bright side of life..."

• Today, right now, we are alive and well.
• If there is a nuclear war, we will no longer need to worry about global warming.

Termination Shock

 Neal Stephenson, Termination Shock.

It made me look up facts, and geographic locations, and events, and technologies. Stephenson is amazing at taking what we have today and extending it a step or two further.

I don't always agree with his protagonists. But that only makes reading more interesting.

This was something that rang true:

"..he had arrived at the conclusion that political stability anywhere was an illusion that only a simpleton would believe in. That (invoking, here, a version of the anthropic principle) such simpletons only believed they were right when and if they just happened to live in places that were temporarily stable. And that it was better to live somewhere obviously dangerous, because it kept you on your toes."

Except I don't particularly want to be kept on my toes, so I'd rather live in a place that is temporarily stable, even if it is only an illusion.

Stephenson was very, very convincing in describing the reactions of China and India to the weather-changing technologies in the book. 

Russia was completely missing from the picture. I suspect he did it on purpose but I am not sure why. United States was described as a mess and a laughingstock of the world - but there were no details (but we can fill in the blanks, so to speak).

Verdict: liked it a lot.

Weekend Report

 War in Ukraine.

It puts things into perspective, doesn't it. 

We complain that we were so traumatized by our kids having to stay home from school for months at at time, having to isolate, not being able hang out with our friends.

I did not have to leave my home. I did not have to live in bomb shelters. I did not have the uncertainty of not knowing where I was going to end up tomorrow. I did not feel in imminent danger of death, losing my kids, or losing my country. I did not feel unsafe to the point of having to get out of the country.

I do not want to minimize the suffering the the covid pandemic has brought on. But war - that's a whole other level.

May we never know.

This weekend:

• Our son had his first ever sleepover at his friends place. He had a blast.
• I did some work
• I read junky stuff - just to escape reality
• Laundry, cooking
• Started watching season 2 of His Dark Materials with kids
• Girls had gymnastics on Saturday
• Read the news. Read people's opinions about war. Tried to figure our what the perspective of people was in Russia (hard to tell - I don't know how much people are censored and how much is just naked propaganda - that there is a general sense of discontent among some, while others are blaming the US for causing the war).
• Sad, sad, sad.

News: the Good, the Bad, and the Sad

I had a mammogram and ultrasound yesterday - part of a regular check-up. I always get very anxious in the days before the imaging. Because you never know what they are going to find.

I am happy to say - there was nothing new. 

Weight off my shoulders. At least for a few months, and then I'll get to look forward to the next thing (I get mammogram or MRI every 6 months because of the high risk for breast cancer).

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Ukraine and Russia - I don't know how to express the horror, the sadness, and the hopelessness I am feeling. My grandparents lived in Kharkiv for more than 10 years. I have very fond memories of going to the nearby store to get fresh bread and eggs for my grandmother, getting ice cream from a street vendor  (best vanilla ice cream I ever had), going to the zoo (they had these amazing sugar candies on a stick, in the shape of a rooster, that you could suck on for hours), the circus (at age 4, I sobbed uncontrollably when I saw clowns perform because they were breaking a piano as part of their joke act), the parks. I loved getting on the subway there - it was all granite and marble (and lots of patriotic images) - that same subway that people are using as a bomb shelter now. This is insanity. It's like watching an old World War II movie, except this is happening now.

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One of my dad's cousins, Big Rosa, passed away recently. Just a little over a year after Little Rosa.

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Our school district is doing away with mask requirements starting next week. I am OK with that - the covid numbers are down in our area and our entire family is vaccinated. Kids say they still pan to wear masks in crowded hallways. 

I feel like I should take advantage of this moment and plan activities that may become undesirable once the next covid wave hits. Like going to a museum, or a movie theater, or the concert hall. Or the middle school musical - I think we'll do that next week. (I do hope there will be no more major covid waves... yes, stupid to hope for something so unlikely).

No Words

 War.

Russia and Ukraine.

No words.

I don't know what to trust.

Because this is going to be an information war, as much as the physical war with tanks and bombs.

I know enough to know that I can't trust my eyes or ears: what I read, what I see, what I hear - that's all going to vary wildly depending on the source of information. And everything can be faked - or angled "just so" to create a specific message.

I don't understand what Russia's angle is - are they "liberating" Ukraine from the control of the "decadent West"? And then what? I get it that they didn't want NATO in Ukraine - that's like having the enemy in your neighbor's back yard - I just didn't think Putin would actually go for full-blown freaking war. I don't understand what the long-term objective would be - world domination? Or am I missing a critical piece of information there that's not accessible to me because I am in the US?

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There are some that are saying that only the military targets will be hit.

There are some that are saying that the Ukranian forces and preparing footage of civilian casualties and destruction - ahead of the actual Russian attacks.

There are some that are saying that people in Donetsk have been living with casualties and destruction (because of the Ukranian forces) for years and no one has cared.

There are some saying that there will be provocations, where Ukranians, dressed as Russian Army, will be creating chaos and disseminating videos to the rest of the world, making Russia look bad.

There are some that are saying that Russia is going to install its own puppet government in Ukraine.

There are some that are saying that Russia is just doing what the US has been doing in Latin America.

There are some that are saying that the Ukranians shouldn't care if they end up with Russia-controlled government. Because they hadn't cared about having US-controlled government.

There are some that are saying that this is the time when agricultural work should be starting in the fields... which now may or may not be possible because of the war.

My husband says "This is World War 3".

Will Russia stop at Ukraine? Will it go into Poland? Romania?

Are we having the Russia/China alliance against the West? 

Also - Ukraine is big. Western Ukraine is NOT going to be just sitting back and doing nothing.... Historically, Western Ukraine seems to be very nationalistic - sometimes in a scary way (or is this the propaganda I absorbed as a kid in the USSR?) It brings to mind places like Eastern Washington. People with guns (supplied by the US?) who will be prepared to fight guerilla war for decades if Russia takes over the government. 

There are some who are worried about once again living in a dictatorial state, behind an iron curtain. There are some who are shrugging and appearing to not care.

I hate this. I hate war. 

There is nothing I can do.

There is not much (good) that the US can do. Because we are a mess.

Too Many "No School" Days

 Kids had half-day on Thursday, then they were off on Friday, and we were all off on Monday. In March, the kids are going to have a 5-day weekend (Thursday-Monday) - no idea what I'm going to do... I don't really want to take time off (because I am taking the whole week off for spring break, plus I have a bunch of medical appointments coming up that I'll have to take some half-days), we no longer have any childcare arrangements, there are no camps that we know of... Having 3 kids at home, with no scheduled activities, while working = not good. Why are they having a break just a couple of weeks before the spring break - that makes no sense.

What got done over the long weekend:

• We went ice skating again at the outdoor rink! It was mostly fun (except for some annoying kids who kept zooming around every which way, and some teenagers who were oblivious to everyone else and were cursing*).
• We went for a hike to a new (for us) state park. It was a beautiful day, the hike was very scenic, but we had to cut it a bit short because we needed to get back home in time for E's Hebrew lesson. Which then got cancelled. But the girls were happy to not have to hike for too long. And it was super muddy - there is only so much mud-squelching one can do. So, all-in-all, a good hike but I want to go back when it's not as muddy and do a longer hike there.
• H was sick for a couple of days but all better now.
• C had a sleepover with the grandparents (technically, it was H's turn, but she couldn't go because she was not feeling well.)
• We watched some more Olympics
• Our heater hasn't been working right for the last couple of weeks. So, on Saturday, husband took it apart... and one of the parts broke. So we lost all heat - while it was in the 20's F outside.
• We  had our 2 fireplaces going non-stop for over 24 hours. Two of the kids camped out in the attic, where there is electric heat, setting up camp and brining out the sleeping bags. H slept in her room, but in a sleeping bag and 2 blankets. Husband and I slept in the living room in front of the fire, which he had to take care of throughout the night.
• The house was chilly, but not totally frigid thanks to the fireplaces! We all enjoyed reading and playing board games within the 2 m radius of the fireplace. We did not enjoy stepping away from the fireplace...
• Husband managed to find the broken part on-line and had it shipped (I don't want to know how much he payed for next-day shipping). He was hoping that once he replaced that part, everything would work again.
• The replacement part did not fix the heater problem... The thing was going on and off every 5 second but no heat was produced. The problem actually got worse - before my husband started messing with the heater, it was not working well, but it was at least working some.
• After poking around on-line and poking around inside the heater parts, husband figured out that there was a rubber tube connecting A to B, and that rubber tube was not quite properly on. There was condensation inside the tube and some build-up of mysterious nature. After cleaning out and re-connecting the rubber tube, the heater started working!
• As of Monday morning, we have a warm house again! 
• Why we didn't call the experts first thing on Saturday, before husband took apart the heater in hopes of fixing it himself? Because we wanted to wait until weekday, because we did not consider the situation an emergency, because husband was hoping to fix the problem himself, because he likes saving money, because fixing things makes him so happy. Realistically, if we called someone on Saturday, we probably would not have the thing fixed by Monday morning. 
• There were also the usual chores - laundry, vacuuming, dishes...
• I baked Challah and it was a total disaster. I did not add enough yeast (misread the recipe), so it did not rise well and the whole thing turned out super-dense. We ate it all (some of it got made into french toast for Monday breakfast).

*Generally, I don't care if people are cursing. But it annoys me when they are cursing in a public place full of people, and not because something heavy fell on their foot but just to appear "cool". 

Highlights

 Lately, I've been feeling "meh". I've been retreating. Disappearing into reading, or into watching the Olympics, or just into my own head.

I guess part of it is just life stress - worries about the future and the present. Part of it is pure procrastination. Our son is to have his Bar Mitzvah in May, but I just don't want to plan - or do - anything. Part of me finds religion deep, and meaningful, and comforting, and a connection to other people. Part of me struggles with religion and feels the whole thing is just... not my cup of tea. I feel like in the US, being Jewish is intricately tied into religion. Growing up in the USSR, being Jewish (for our family) had almost nothing to do with religion and religion was not part of our lives at all.

Recent highlights:

• Ice skating! We all went to a near-by rink and it was so much fun. Even though I am terrible at it (can barely stay upright), I find something about gliding on the ice so... liberating.
• Olympics! We've been watching every night. Usually, this means my husband and I fall asleep in front of TV and wake up in the middle of the night groggy and disoriented. But I love, love, love watching it... love seeing the excitement, the daring, and the thrill of the wins! I love it all: figure skating, skiing, biathlon, snowboarding, curling.
• I want to practice cross-country skiing! Kids want to learn ski jumping. I NEVER want to down-hill ski (it just looks terrifying). "Big Air" - I was getting vertigo just looking at the hill. 
• Papadakis and Cizeron are amazing. Papadakis is beautiful (she has this distinguished and regal look).
• Nathan Chen is spectacular. I especially loved his short program.
• Russian women figure skaters - love watching them. Tutberidze (coach) may be evil or may be a genius. Or a bit of both. The stuff they are able to do, the difficulty of their skating programs is out of this world. Shcherbakova and Valieva have the expressiveness and the ballet-like gracefulness. But they all seem at or near the breaking point. The "old ones" Shcherbakova and Trusova - they are only 17....

Looking forward to:

• Watching season 2 of "His Dark Materials" with kids.
• Olympics being over (and getting back to normal sleep schedule)
• Spring break - have a house reserved and plan to do hiking, sight-seeing, and visiting the museum of glass in Corning.

Weekend Report

Gymnastics and soccer got canceled because of the snow storm. There was a fair amount of snow shoveling (mostly done by my husband) but our area didn't get hit too hard. We had pretty much the perfect amount of snow. Enough for sledding and fun but not enough to be too disruptive.

What got done:

• Sledding (lots of it! Saturday and Sunday!)
• C has awesome balance and is a natural on a snow board
• Husband and kids went out on the icy pond. The ice was not great for skates but perfect for just stomping and sliding around.
• Lots of outdoor time in beautiful winter weather.
• Cooking and baking (split pea soup, sourdough bread, husband made calf liver with onions, I baked salmon, lots of salads, blueberry pancakes... we eat a lot)
• Piles of laundry
• Watched Grantchester with husband
• Watched a few episodes of His Dark Materials (season 1) with kids. Pretty good! We've had some interesting discussions about who would have what daemon. Mine would probably be a hedgehog.
• Vacuuming, dusting, and tidying up 
• Reading (started reading A Boy and His Horse to C; also reading Termination Shock).

What didn't get done:

• Board games (everyone seemed to prefer playing outside or watching shows)
• Work (I kind of wanted to do a bit of writing to get a head start on the week, but ah well)

More Snow!

 Things I am excited about:

• Snow! It snowed a bit in the morning - enough to cover the ground. 
• Going on a walk: I've been trying to go for at least a 30-min walks every day. I don't have time to go to the park this afternoon (the trails would look beautiful...) but it would still be pretty nice to just walk around the neighborhood.
• Watching first season of "His Dark Materials" with kids.
• Reading in front of the fireplace.
• More sledding!
• Drinking tea.
• Snow storm... (but I hope we don't loose power).
• Board games with kids

Things I am not excited about:

• Vacuuming and dusting
• Washing bed sheets
• Potentially taking kids to a local arcade (ugh... covid, noise, video games... but it's a neighbor's half-birthday and they invited us... still deciding if we should go or not).

Things I would like to try:

• Screen-free day. We used to do it on a regular basis back when the kids were doing virtual school - and it worked pretty well. Looking up recipes and other information without resorting to computers or phones was surprisingly invigorating (as in yes! I can function independently!). The fact that I feel a bit anxious about not checking my messages or the news suggests that a screen-free day is definitely a good idea. One of these Saturdays or Sundays! But perhaps after the Olympics.
• Making a new soup. Something that's not lentil, pea, cauliflower, or chicken/matzo ball soup.
• I'd like to do a "streak" of something. Maybe daily walks, or daily piano practice, or daily dusting... something like that. Nothing hard - and something that I already enjoy. I want the streak to last at least a couple of months.

Labor

 Both of my middle-schoolers have Home Econ this term. Except it's called Consumer Science. Apparently, the teacher said something along the lines that her class was a dictatorship and she was the dictator. The kids acted out a skit yesterday, making fun of what the class was like. H was the teacher and yelled "DETENTION" every 2 seconds. E and C were the delinquent students who pulled down their masks, put their feet on the table, and were rolling their eyes. They got about 16 detentions each.

Apparently, the kids will get a detention if they are late for class (hmm... even the first time?), if their mask is down (OK, makes sense), if they make a mess, if they bleed all over the floor (I assume my kids exaggerate but I could be wrong), if they are disrespectful, and for about another 100 infringements. My son is kind of worried - he already warned me that if he doesn't come home on a regular bus it means he got detention with Ms Home Econ. H does not seem worried at all - if anything, she appears to be amused. I have a feeling she may start a revolution, overthrow the current dictator (Ms Home Econ) and crown herself as the Empress. 

In my daughter's class, they'll be sewing a pillow. In my son's class, they'll be baking muffins. The kids are not thrilled. H at least appears to be curious about learning to use a sewing machine. E says he already knows how to bake muffins.

Oh boy, this brings back some old memories... Home Econ equivalent back in the USSR (we called it "Trud", or "Labor") was one of my least favorite classes, along with PE. My hands grow out out of the wrong place - my teacher's words  (I believe the American expression would be "all thumbs"). In 6th grade, I had an absolute nightmare of an experience sewing a skirt. Lots of tears and snot. I spent hours and hours at my teacher's house, where she was helping me stitch things on her sewing machine.

And then, at a different school, there was an incident with pickled cucumbers. My jar exploded... 

I knew pretty early on that I absolutely did not want to be a housewife. Because everything around household tasks seemed absolutely out of my league difficult. Chemistry, math, physics - I could do. Sewing, knitting, pickling, and making soup - not so much.

As an adult, there are some things I have to do whether or not I enjoy them. Interestingly, I came to really like cooking. Especially soups. If absolutely needed, I can stitch things up and re-attach a button (although I procrastinate forever and try to avoid it if at all possible) - I do a messy job and I am pretty sure my old teacher would shake her head sadly at my uneven untidy stitches and would give me a "C-" (or worse). But... the button works and the hole is gone and no one in  my house complains about the poor workmanship. I never attempt to sew any clothing for myself or for my kids... no home-made Halloween costumes here (because hands growing out of my *ss, as they would say in Russia).

What was your experience with Home Econ like?

Weekend Report

 We had nothing planned this weekend except "hopefully go for a hike". The weekend turned out to be busy and fun. Maybe not productive in a conventional sense of the word, but definitely fun.

Saturday.

• Sourdough pancakes with blueberries for breakfast.
• Girls had gymnastics in the am. Because of covid, you can't wait inside (they have a very small sitting area - it can get very crowded). C has an hour-long lesson. H has an 1.5 h lesson. During the first hour, I went for a walk. It was in the teens but sunny and no wind. I was bundled up in multiple layers. The walk was great - I ogled at houses and daydreamed. I came back to the car after about 45 min and read a little bit before it was time to pick up C. C and I then went around to the back of the gymnastics place, where there is a large grassy area, a stream, and some puddles. Everything was frozen and we had a blast playing on the ice, slipping and sliding and pretending to figure-skate.
• Then I decided to use up some cabbage that I had sitting in the fridge. Piroshki with cabbage are delicious, so I figured I'll make some. I kind of forgot how time- and labor-intensive it was to make piroshki. The kids did not show any interest in helping (and I was fine with that -I was kind of in a zen space, rolling the dough, putting in cabbage stuffing, pinching piroshki closed). 
• And then I ran out of cabbage but I still had about half the dough left. So I improvised. We had some Ricotta cheese in the fridge. We had some super-sweet apricot jam from the Russian store. We had raisins. I mixed it all together and it turned into a delicious sweet "tvorog" (a type of farmers cheese popular in the USSR). The kids eyed the manipulations with ricotta suspiciously, but got pretty excited when they tried it (H has made a similar mix herself the other day for snack). 
• Unfortunately, piroshki with tvorog were a bit of a disaster - most of them burst open in the oven, with stuffing leaking out all over the baking sheet. Still - they taste good. 
• C and I made apple sauce.
• Kids watched a movie (it was C's turn to pick)
• I made salad and quinoa with raisins for supper (husband baked chicken).
• I read, played & chatted with kids in front of the fireplace, and played with Vlad the Ripper (our cat).

Sunday:

• Sourdough pancakes with blueberries for breakfast (yes, again... they are delicious).
• 2 loaves of sourdough bread (part-whole wheat, with orange zest, and caraway seeds.
• Family hike at the local arboretum! We explored new trails. H did not freak out. There was a stream crossing that I, with my terrible balance and weird anxieties about taking risks, had a hard time getting across. The rocks looked slippery! Jumping at the narrowest place from one shore to the other did not look possible (although H managed it)! Walking across a fallen log (but what if I loose balanced and fall in!!!) - I did it. (It wasn't anywhere as terrifying as I anticipated when looking at the log and the stream).
• C and I went off on our own, following a trail that lead to a nearby state park, and then walked home. The rest of the family finished the loop trail at the arboretum, had some fun at the stream, and drove home. 
• C and I got home first and made matzo ball soup. 
• The kids played with neighbors outside. For hours. 
• The kids played minecraft at home while husband and I sat in front of the wood stove (outside) and talked.
• I made eggplant stew (turned out delicious!).
• Husband and I moved some more wood closer to the house. We've been having fire in the fireplace almost every day.
• Laundry.
• We all read in front of the fireplace. And played geography trivial pursuit-type game. 

What didn't get done:

• I didn't clean anything (living room and family room need to be vacuumed; my study needs to be cleaned up and vacuumed).
• We forgot to set up birdfeeders.
• I didn't organize/make things pretty/tidy around the house.

Randomness

Random thoughts.

• Cold winter is better than warm winter. Because snow makes everything pretty, because hiking on frozen ground is much more pleasant than hiking in the mud, because when ponds freeze over you can go ice skating for free, because you can go sledding in a park, because you can go cross-country skiing. 
• I don't like arcades. It's kind of like gambling for kids - it eats up your money and leaves nothing in return. And some people can't stop - they want more, more, more. I find arcades stressful - both because they keep eating my money and because the games are stressful. 
• One of my kids repeatedly complains that I should become better friends with neighborhood moms. "Just go talk to them! You'll like them!". I do like them - I just don't want to talk. To anyone. I want to stay home and read my book. Yes, I am antisocial like that.
• I like having friends. I like making new friends. I like getting to know people. But I don't know if I have the mental energy to socialize. I've been cocooning myself at home (hibernating?)
• Husband and I are watching Grantchester. What the dickens... The stories pull you in, the acting is great.
• Kids have half-day at school today. I keep fantasizing about retirement (will I live that long?) My boss just recently retired but he is staying on part-time as a consultant.

Favorite Reads of 2021

 

Cecilia Eckback. Wolf Winter.

• Beautifully written: interesting place, time, and characters. It was dark and unexpected and it completely pulled me in. 

Liane Moriarty. Apples Never Fall.

• Interesting story of a family: sensitive and kind without being sugary. Complex personalities, complex relationships, and gratifying personal journeys for all the characters.

Barbara Kingsolver. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.

• Non-fiction: went from being a bit preachy in the beginning, to a very fun, friendly, and inspiring read about growing, making, and appreciating food.

Fredrik Backman. A Man Called Ove.

• So sad. So full of hope. So full of life. So full of death. 

Avi Loeb. Extraterrestrial.

• Non-fiction. Controversial, thought-provoking, and inspiring, but only after I was able to get through annoying first couple of chapters full off bragging and self-adoration.

Lauren Wilkinson. American Spy.

• Interesting, compelling, with believable multi-layered characters. Thought-provoking and deep enough for late-night conversations about ideologies, desires, philosophies, and political, personal, and moral implications of human actions.

New (for me) author I really liked:

Lisa Black (Gardiner and Renner series). Crime-solving police procedurals from the perspective of a forensic scientist. She really knows what she is talking about - I loved reading about microtubes, and repeat-pipettes, and multiple other technical details that are very familiar from my bench-work science days. Her writing is OK, the plot lines are OK (as in, not fabulous but interesting enough, and thought-provoking). She puts a lot of research and thought into her books. The best part, for me, were the (realistic, I think) forensic science approach and descriptions of every-day lab work. These books pulled me out of a reading slump. That said, I am not sure I'll be going back to her books any time soon.

Long Weekend

 All of us here had a 3-day weekend (MLK day). It was... mostly nice, but I have a tight angry knot inside. Because one of the kids is just infuriating. Nothing new - just same old screaming during our weekend hike (she is 11), just same old doing things without asking, just same old bickering and fighting with the siblings, just same old talking-back to the parents, just same old demanding (but kind and caring deep inside) little tyrant.

Good stuff:

• Kids made lunch on Monday. Salad, mac-and-cheese (from a box), and chicken soup (from a can). It was all good. Especially the salad!
• Baking bread
• Baking cookies with our youngest
• Hike in a chilly wintery forest, with semi-frozen streams and crunchy mud (we were able to tune out H's screaming and complaining, most of the time).
• Kids played with neighbors outside
• Trip to the library
• Brief walk with my oldest in a muddy trail (it warmed up and crunchy trails turned into, well, mud soup).
• Solo walk in the neighborhood.
• Reading (a lot!!!) 
• Finished a project for work
• The whole family playing Apples-to-Apples together, in front of the fire place.
• Husband and I are watching Grantchester - I really like the stories and the characters.

Weekend Report

 Fun stuff:

• Sledding with friends: we took our friends on our favorite sledding hill! The snow wasn't ideal, but the kids made it work. There was some sibling drama (our kids), but overall it was all good.
• Hiking on a wintery trail (beautiful!)
• Working on a snow fort with kids
• Kids found giant icicles (and ate them)
• Laundry, laundry, and even more laundry
• Husband bought a giant push-cart to move yard-stuff around. Kids converted it to a covered wagon, pioneer-style, and proceeded to play "Laura's Family". Girls dressed up and had some awesome pretend-play for hours. Our son was "Pa" for a bit (he then took a break to play Minecraft), our older daughter was "Ma", and our younger daughter was Mary. Not sure what happened to Laura.
• I baked bread.

Movies and shows

• Husband and I finished 8th season of Dexter! I liked the ending. I was kind of glad to end the show - it lost most of its humor and got pretty dark. But wait, there is now season 9... except we can't get it for free at the moment, so we'll wait until we can. 
• Watched Indiana Jones (The Last Crusade) with kids. Loved it! Hollywood at it's best. Entertaining, funny, and not too deep.
• Husband watched a couple of episodes of Monk with kids. 
• After much deliberation, husband and I started watching "Grandchester" as our "grown-up" show after kids go to bed. 

Books

• I am almost half-way trough Bill Bryson's "A Walk in the Woods". I have mixed feelings about it - I sort of like it, but it also sort of annoys me sometimes, and the humor is a bit on the mean side, and he definitely likes to complain. It wasn't what I expected - I guess that's the main thing. I thought it would be more like Gerald Durrell (loved his books when I was a kid) - funny, kind, curiosity-inducing, and cautiously hopeful. 
• I am also working my way through "Termination Shock" by Neil Stephenson. I like it, but I need breaks from it.

Games

• Geography-themed Trivia Pursuit - the game we have is from the late 80's or early 90's, I believe. That makes things a bit more challenging - because geographic and historic facts changed quite a bit since then. Soviet Union was still a thing! And Cambodia was Kampuchea. It's like playing Trivia Pursuit in a time machine.

Snow Day

First snow of the season! First snow in 2022!

I am so excited. I love the snow. I love how it hangs on to trees and bushes, like fuzzy white fur coats - each branch has it's own.

Kids are thrilled. They area already in their snow pants, getting ready to go outside.

I am planning to go out with them - even if it is just for half an hour.

My husband is clearing the drive way. At some point today, we'll go to my parents to clean up their sidewalk and driveway.

I am really hoping to go sledding!

Except I have to work... Ugh, I wish workplaces gave snow-days, too.

Around Here Lately

Life in general:

Schools are open in our area, despite the Omicron madness. Getting official testing done seems arcane and nearly impossible (because hours for walk-ins are very short and inconvenient, scheduling a test on-line hasn't worked, and if you call, the voicemail is full). I guess if we are actually sick with symptoms, we can do it through our doctor's office or pediatrician (? maybe ?) But if we want to test after a potential exposure, or even without a known exposure just to be hyper-vigilant - then I don't know. We have a couple of home tests that we are holding on to, to be used only when absolutely necessary (however, the school does not accept results of home tests). 

Movies:

Our family watched a couple of Mission Impossible movies last weekend. The first one was fun. MI2 was pretty awful. I don't think we'll be watching MI3 anytime soon. We may go back to watching old James Bond movies...

Our kids really like Clue. I am thinking, they might also like Arsenic and Old Lace.

Books:

We've been reading Brothers Grimm stories. I totally forgot how dark and murderous they get... Kids love it! Perfect for long winter evenings in front of the fireplace...

Happy New Year

 We are having a very laid-back winter vacation. 

We spent a couple of days with my husband's family. We spent a few days in the Poconos with family friends. We meant to spend New Years Eve with friends and January 1 with my family, but decided to cancel because of a) omicron concerns, b) on-going colds that may or may not be covid, and c) ... it's pretty nice when it's just us.

We all stayed up past midnight to welcome 2022. We made some delicious foods. We played games. We watched movies. We watched concerts on TV. We read Brothers Grimm fairy tales.

On January 1, we went for a walk in the neighborhood, cooked, played more board games, and watched a movie. There was some complaining and fighting among the kids (isn't there always) - but overall, it was a very nice relaxing day.

Poconos. The only negative - there was no snow! We actually brought all our snow gear (boots, pants, gloves, etc), and we packed a sled - just in case. No snow!!!!! I hate this. It was pretty warm, so it was pleasant to be walking around, but I'd rather it be below freezing instead of walking on mushy squishy mud.

We stayed in a house on a lake, and there was a pretty nice layer of ice on it. Kids had a blast trying to break the ice by throwing pebbles and stones on it (even big rocks didn't go through). They managed to break off chunks of ice with a wood club and then dragged ice shards onto the floating dock - those were pretty cool, like pieces of glass. They called it "ice harvesting", or something like that, and spent (I kid you not) over an hour doing just that. In the meantime, our youngest, who was semi-sitting on the dock, put too much weight on her feet (we told them the ice was thin! but kids were, like, but look how thick these chunks of ice look!!!), went through the ice and got her feet submerged in the water. I pulled her out - she didn't go in too deep at all and everything above her knees was totally dry. Still, she got pretty freaked out and her boots were totally wet. And husband and I absolutely didn't say "WE TOLD YOU SO!!!"  because of course we said about a million times to not stand on ice because it is too thin. Ah well, childhood. I remember falling through ice when I was just a little older than our youngest - the water was all the way to my waist and it was a pain to climb out.

Our youngest then proceeded to develop the sniffles. We used one of our covid home-tests - it came out negative. A day later, I got the runny nose. Now, our son is sneezing. Ugh. Do we have to test for covid with every sneeze? Of course it is nearly impossible to get official tests in our area. We have a couple more home-tests left but want to save them for when absolutely needed (because it is now pretty hard to buy those).

It is snowing outside. Nothing is sticking but I am happy to just see the snow flakes! First snow!!!!!

I want to go sledding. And cross-country skiing. Snowshoeing would be fun, too. Hiking through the wintry forest - yes, want to do that! (Maybe I should move north....)