Answers

 Answers.

1. Where were you born? - Neman, USSR. A very small town near Kaliningrad.
   
   
2. What languages do you speak? - Russian, English. I know a couple of words in German and Hebrew. I used to be able to speak a bit of Latvian but I can remember almost nothing except a few random words.
   
   
3. What was your favorite book growing up? - Karlson Who Lives on the Roof by Astrid Lindgren
   
   
4. Are you still friends with your elementary school best friends? Sort of - I am in touch with a few old friends but it's limited to occasional "Happy Birthday" or "Happy New Year" wishes. But if they happen to come to the US or if I go visit their countries, I would like to get together.
   
   
5. Why do you read blogs? I like learning about people: how they live and what their interests are.
   
   
6. Do you regularly blog, and if so, why? I like writing. I like having a record of day-to-day life that I can peruse at a later time. I like the opportunity to connect with others.
   
   
7. If you would write a book, would it be fiction or nonfiction? Is there a particular subject or theme you would write about? Both. The nonfiction book would be something science-related (how do cells communicate? how do they send and receive signals?) or something essay-like on growing up in the USSR (and how it may or may not be different from my children's childhoods in the USA). Fiction: probably science fiction (something about first contact and the idea that our definition of life has limitations).
   
   
8. If you could spend more time on a hobby, what would it be? Piano. Learning to identify trees, flowers, birds. Hiking. Art museums.
   
   
9. What is your favorite gift to give to friends? Books. 
   
   
10. If you had to sum up the meaning of life in 1 simple sentence, what would it be? Kafka said it well: The meaning of life is that it ends.

Questions

Once upon a time, I loved asking questions. Unfortunately, the older I got, the more reluctant I've become about asking questions. I need to get back into question-asking - especially because it feels like such a risk, like I would be giving something away about myself.

Here are 10 things I would like to know about you:

1. Where were you born?
2. What languages do you speak?
3. What was your favorite book growing up?
4. Are you still friends with your elementary school best friends?
5. Why do you read blogs?
6. Do you regularly blog, and if so, why?
7. If you would write a book, would it be fiction or nonfiction? Is there a particular subject or theme you would write about?
8. If you could spend more time on a hobby, what would it be?
9. What is your favorite gift to give to friends?
10. If you had to sum up the meaning of life in 1 simple sentence, what would it be?

Should you choose to accept this challenge, please feel free to leave responses in the comments or on your own blog. 

(I will post my answers in a couple of days...)

Finders-Creepers

Grumpy musings on unexpected  medical findings:

My annual breast MRI report came back with some kind of liver lesion (other than that, everything looked tfu-tfu clean). I don't even know how they managed to get liver when doing breast scans? But I suppose it is best to be informed - and my doctor sent me to get a liver ultrasound.

It's been over a week and I haven't heard back. Because of insurance specifications, I can't do imaging at the same place where I go see my doctors (let's call it "P"). Instead, I have to go to a completely different medical system ("Z") that is conveniently located but has poor communication. Z will not release the report to P until one of the Z doctors has reviewed the images. The Z doctors haven't gotten around to looking at my images yet. 

So, I am a bit of an anxious mess. I don't deal well with unknowns. I hate risks. Oh, and this morning, a friend of mine sent me an update about her brother who has liver cancer (he is responding very well to treatment, thank G-d!). But my mind, unfortunately, immediately goes to "oh no, could it be me, too?"

Also, I have a strong recommendation (a demand?) from another doctor to do a biopsy of yet another organ (not liver) based on the results of yet another ultrasound. Am I getting old? Is my body falling apart? (um - yes...)

So - the thing is - the more tests one undergoes, the higher the likelihood of finding something. Which is why it is typically not recommended to do any sort of prophylactic full-body scans. Because an average person likely has some weirdness in their body that they could live with for decades and never be bothered by it. Except that when you know something is there, maybe you'll go see a surgeon. And a surgeon will, of course, want to cut it out. It's like "if you give a mouse a cookie", except "if you go see a surgeon..."

If you go see a surgeon, they'll want to cut something out.

But first, you'll need multiple blood tests, which will reveal that you are low on x or high on y.

The blood tests will lead to being prescribed medication.

The medication will make you sleepy/sneezy/dopey.

The anesthesiologist will then tell you to stop taking the medication (because it will interfere with anesthesia and increase the risk [of death] during the surgery). 

After the surgery, you'll go back for a check up with the surgeons, and they may tell you that they would really like to cut something else out.

So what's the solution? I'm afraid there's none. Living in blissful ignorance is not really an option (what would average life expectancy be without modern medicine?). I will continue to do regular check-ups, recommended tests, mammograms, and MRIs. And biopsies (I feel like I get to have at least 1 biopsy a year - is that normal?)

I wonder if I can adapt my dad's old adage (Those who do not drink or smoke will die healthy) to this dilemma. Perhaps: If you ignore medicine, you will die. If you follow all the medical advice and treatment - you will die healthier? (Sorry - that was a bit morbid)

What do you think?

Neverending

 There are certain things that are never ending, and not in a good way.

• Laundry
• Dishes
• Kitchen cleanup
• Dusting
• Yard work
• Finale of a romantic-era music piece

I would really appreciate it if there were also never ending things like:

• Chocolate
• Freshly baked bread (still warm!)
• Hot tea
• Petting the cat (he will, eventually, bite)
• Back rubs

I was going to add "sleep" but then I realized it would probably mean death... So no, thank you!

Do you have any grievances against - or any wishes for - never ending things?

Weekend Review

Well, it is only Tuesday, and I can barely remember what we did last weekend. I am not sure if this is a function of memory deterioration, doing too much, doing not enough, or just being so darn tired all the time.

This is how I did on my to-do list.

• Go through and clean my closet - DONE
• Go through and clean C's closet (with C) - DONE
• Go through and clean E's closet (with E) - not started (but we talked about it.... about 0 enthusiasm from E)
• Cooking - YES because everyone always hungry all the time
• Shopping - YES (husband did produce-shopping on Saturday and I supplemented with a few other things on Monday)
• Laundry - IN PROGRESS (because: neverending)

Exciting things.

• C had a cello trial lesson on Friday (because her current teacher is moving away). It went well and she seemed to like the new/potential teacher!
• H had a piano rehearsal on Saturday. She did a very good job. I was a bit worried because her practicing has been less than optimal, but she pulled it off. (so... maybe 20 minutes of practicing a day is enough for her.. but I can't even imaging how amazing she would be if she practiced an hour a day... that said, she is not looking to become a professional musician, so this is not something I am going to push)
• Takeout (sushi per H's request)
• I went out with a few local women who have kids at our Hebrew School. It was really nice to get to know them. (I would like to work on forming deeper and better friendships but I am having a really hard time connecting with people. I miss having friends who are in the post-forming-friendship stage. I want to skip getting-to-know part and get to the knowing and trusting and being effortlessly friends part. It doesn't work that way, I know :))

Other things.

• Kids played video games.
• Husband and E spent hours outside on Sunday, chopping wood, cleaning things up, and then going on a bike ride.
• Board meeting - I am a co-chair on a committee. This is not something I particularly enjoy. I do it because: giving back to the community, etc, etc.
• Probably other things that I can't remember now.

Didn't happen.

• Board games
• Family movies
• Reading (well, I read a tiny bit)
• Walks
• Exercise
• Probably other things that I can't remember now.

What are your favorite weekend things to do?

Work and Books

Work.

I might have mentioned a couple of months ago, that work was crazy: unsustainably high-intensity overwhelming projects.

This is one of those "be careful what you wish for" things. Not that I wished for anything - I was just barely surviving day-to-day, trying not to drown in everything that was coming at me. I felt so out-of-depth. So yeah. I need to finish up a couple of things - but all those projects are going away. The client is going away because they no longer want to work with our team. Not a pleasant feeling. I refuse to be "the fall guy"- there were a lot of issues before I joined the team (including lay-offs, conflicts with the client, and people quitting). I kept repeating over and over again that I was not the right person for the job. Unfortunately, it seemed like there was no one else to do that job. I was told that I was doing "just fine!" - until nothing was fine.  

I firmly believe that, for me, the best way to learn something new is to jump into it and do it, make mistakes, learn, improve, and, eventually, become an expert at that skill. This is much more efficient than trying to learn by watching others do something, or helping others do something... I never really truly learn the skill until I am actually full-on committed to doing it. This is true for hands-on science experiments and techniques, writing, cooking, organizing parties... pretty much anything and everything.

That said - there are situations, where "jumping into it" is more of "being thrown into it", without adequate preparation, tools, knowledge, or support. It can be a total train wreck. It's not even "sink or swim" - it's more of "I don't understand the concept of water" situation.

So that's strike one.

Strike two: a long-term client that we have a very good relationship with and that has been happy with our work is no longer sending us more work. With all new projects, they feel that we charge too much and they end up sending those projects elsewhere. Upper management on our side believes that we don't charge enough and want to raise the prices. Most likely, we are going to loose that business, too.

Writing on the wall: time to look for a new job.

Books.

I feel slightly depressed. In part, because I feel bad about the work situation. In part, because I finished my fiction book and I have nothing on my shelf that I can dive into. I have a couple of non-fiction books I am slowly working through, but that's not the same as looking forward to an all-engrossing read in front of the fireplace. 

I recently finished "The Expanse" series by James S.A. Corey. There were some books in the series I liked better than others. The final book - Leviathan Falls - was OK... I read it more out of respect for the authors than for the enjoyment of the book.

Darling Girls by Sally Hepworth - it was intense and I loved most of it - but it didn't stick the landing.

The Hunter by Tana French was excellent. 

Last night, I finished The Sequel by Jean Hanff Korelitz. Loved it.

But now there is this void... I have a few books I put on hold at the library, but nothing I am super excited about.

What do you do when you feel like you failed at something?

 

Happy December

My favorite month! 

Because: 

• I like the early darkness - you can see the stars without staying up super late! Also, super-cozy to be inside a warm house, with a book, a fuzzy blanket, and a fireplace. When you look into the windows, you see reflection - everything is through-the-looking glass and looks familiar but yet different.
• Snow! There should be snow! But even if there isn't - the hope for a beautiful snowy winter is very much alive and kicking in early December (as opposed to, say, February, when the disappointment sets in).
• Cold! I have a new comfortable winter jacket. I have hats and gloves. I have warm fuzzy socks. I can enjoy the outdoors and stay warm.
• My birthday is in December. I know it's kind of passé to be excited about birthdays at my age (will be 47!), but hey, I will have 2 of my favorite cakes (my mom is baking one and my daughter is planning to bake another). And I will not be doing any dishes that day. And I am totally looking forward to indulging in cakes, chocolate, and winter forest walks.
• Winter break!

Last Sunday, I got an early birthday present from the world. I took two of the kids to the Barnes Foundation - I've been meaning to go there for ages. And it was free because it was the first Sunday of the month!!! I was ridiculously excited. The artwork was amazing. H showed me her favorite paintings (she had a fieldtrip there with her French class a few weeks ago). C was slightly scandalized about "all the naked people!". We overheard some quirky conversations by art lovers. We counted the foreign languages we encountered (surprisingly, only 3: Russian, French, and Spanish).

I had a strange deja-vu-ish experience. There were 2 beautiful young women wearing all-white stylish outfits, silently gliding through the museum. They looked oddly familiar - I feel like I've seen them in other museums. Maybe in another city, or maybe in Philly, I honestly can't remember. Or maybe it was their outfits - perhaps I saw other women elsewhere wearing similar stylish white pants/sweaters/hats combinations. Now I want a white wool bucket hat like that... 

Do you have a special occasions hat? (I don't... I just have beanies and a quirky faux-fur-lined peruvian-style hat that's just a little too small for my head... If I need to worry about the state of my hair, I just wear a hood).

How do you keep your hands warm in the winter? 

College

As promised... 

I went to a really big state school for undergraduate. They had a strong biochemistry program and tons of research opportunities - exactly what I wanted. It was an urban campus in a city about an hour away from my family. I lived in the dorms for 3 years and then rented a room off-campus for my senior year. I had a fantastic college experience. I found my "niche" - people that became my family away from family. I was independent but was close enough to my parents that I could easily go home for a weekend. 

For grad school, I moved to a different state and ended up in a very small graduate program at a medium-size university. It was in a large city with lots of exciting things that I wanted to do (museums! symphony! musicals! blues and jazz clubs!). Grad school was pretty intense, so there wasn't as much time to explore and meet people as in college. 

What I came away with, that for me, going to a big school with lots things to choose from and a large enough student population where I could find people I had similar interests with, was a good choice. Really small schools might not have worked as well - if I didn't fit in, it would be hard to make friends. There probably wouldn't be as many research labs to choose from.

If I went back to school now (or after retirement)... I don't know, maybe I would study something like folklore? (And travel around the world to collect stories - that would be amazing) Or creative writing? Or maybe I would explore a different branch of science. Or maybe I would try coding. I probably would not go into history or economics.

What are some of the things you wish you had a chance to learn about?

Thinking About College

E and I went to a school presentation on applying to colleges. It was ... OK. Some interesting tid-bits, but nothing ground-braking, nothing super-helpful. It is going to be a confusing and stressful process - they pretty much said that.

I don't get the sense that students get much support from the high school counselors. Too many kids. Too few counselors.

One thing that caught my eye was that an "average" (whatever that means) 4-year college accepts 75% of applicants. That seems really high, right? Well, they said that the super selective schools represent only a very small percentage (like, 3%-5% maybe?) of all universities in the country. That means, >90% of universities are less selective, with most ranging from somewhat selective to not particularly selective at all.* So, they said, a student will find a wonderful school that will be a good fit, no matter what.

On one level, I completely agree - it is all about the best fit for academics, available programs, and the person's interests and talents. But it just rubbed me the wrong way... it was like they were implying that - hey, this is a public school, don't aim too high - but these less-selective schools are a available to the likes of you. 

I want my kids to get a good education and have an amazing college experience. I want them to be successful. I want them to go to universities that have strong programs in the areas of their interest. I want them to be able to continue on with other pursuits, be it music, running, rock climbing or swimming, when they are at college. I want them to have a sense of community there, finding "their tribe", if you will. 

I really want our kids to have all the necessary tools and know-how to get into the schools of their choice (they are thinking about solid universities with rigorous academics and good reputations - but not Ivy League-type competitive).

I don't think that their high school is going to be able to provide those tools or teach them enough about all aspects of the college application process. They might give them an overview, but there will be no true "guiding".

*I don't know where they got their data or how accurate these numbers are.

If you went to a 4-year university, was it a small school or a big school? What did you love about it?

If you could go to college for free now (let's say you have the time) - would you do it? What would you study? <<I will respond to these questions in my next post!>>

Goldilocks Cello

C's been taking cello lessons for a little over a year. She has made a lot of progress and she has good "chemistry" with her teacher - very important when it comes to 1:1 music lessons. Unfortunately, her teacher is moving to another state. So... I am searching for a new cello teacher. And it is proving surprisingly hard.

Her current teacher wasn't able to recommend anyone else. We've got a few names from E's violin teacher and a local luthier. I also have an old list from the middle school orchestra teacher that we got when we were looking for a cello teacher the first time around. That time, we got M's (teacher's) name from 3 separate sources and after exchanging a couple of emails it seemed like a good fit - and it was. We never talked to anyone else.

This time... I don't know, it just seems more tricky compared with my previous experiences of finding violin/piano/cello teachers. 

One person never got back to me.

One person seems nice and kind, but she comes to your home to give the lesson (this may not work all that well for us...), her only open day is when C has swimming, and teaching cello is not her main occupation but more of a side thing. Plus, she does not do any recitals with her students. And she is a Suzuki teacher (that may be perfect for very young kids but not for C). Her hourly rate is reasonable. I am keeping her name as a possibility, but I don't think this would be an ideal match.

Another person that was recommended is a full-time cello teacher and seems pretty intense. My sense is, he is best for older kids who are intensely into music and may be considering careers as professional musicians. He charges substantially more than what we typically pay for private music lessons. I don't think this would be an ideal match, either. 

We need something in the middle.

I still have 4 more people to call... 

So hopefully one of them will be "just right".

Do you or your kids take music lessons? How did you find your teacher?

November Activities

Life right now:

• Monday: cello and piano lessons for the girls
• Tuesday: swimming (C) and orchestra rehearsal (E)
• Wednesday: swimming (C)
• Thursday: violin lesson (E)
• Friday: nothing!!! fun time!!!
• Saturday: rock climbing (H)
• Sunday: Hebrew School (C and H)

Winter sports are starting tomorrow: 

• Winter track (E) every day after school
• Diving (H) at least 3 times a week in the evenings; pre-season has started this week, so she had a couple of practices already - she is loving it so far!

Other activities;

• C is doing Reading Olympics (Wednesdays before school)
• C has band rehearsals before school on Mondays.
• Should I mention work for the grown-ups? Does that count as an activity? Perhaps I need a hobby...

Fun stuff (concerts/plays/adventures): nothing yet but need to look into it

There is definitely room for other stuff... but it is also nice to have relatively light Wednesdays/Thursdays and then free Friday evenings. At least for me - big kids have homework, so not quite as relaxing for them :)

What are some of things things you would like to add/remove from your weekly activities?

November Weekend Report

November already? Doesn't feel like it.

Wait, let me check the calendar - and we are almost half way through November. Yikes.

Our oldest had a concert on Saturday: 

Smetana, "The Moldau" from Má Vlast
Gershwin, Rhapsody in Blue
Offenbach, Overture to Orpheus in the Underworld

The orchestra was amazing. It was so much fun to hear them play! All the grandparents and one of the cousins came to visit, so E had a pretty big fan group :) This was the first performance where E played in the first violins section (at the very back... he said he didn't do as well as he had hoped at the auditions last spring). Their conductor was fabulous playing the piano part of the Rhapsody in Blue.

On Sunday, there was a leisurely hike with some other Hebrew School parents. And then some cooking, clean-up, and laundry at home.

Other things:

• H had rock climbing practice
• C had her last soccer game (they lost)
• Kids did some homework and practiced their instruments
• My husband did a lot of yard work and hung a few new window treatments.
• Library (returned + picked up books)
• Movie night with the girls (we watched Love and Monsters). E was not in the mood for it and played Minecraft instead. 
• I read. A lot.

Looking forward to:

• Reading: Tiamat's Wrath (science fiction, book 8 of a 9-book series that I previously gave up on after book 6). Next: Darling Girls by Sally Hepworth (I loved The Good Sister and The Mother-in-Law... )
• Solo walks in the park
• Husband coming back from Boston on Thursday
• Cleaning the windows and organizing spaces around the house (not because I like cleaning or organizing, but I am really looking forward to enjoying the end-result!)

How was your weekend? What are you looking forward to this week?

I Don't Like This x10

It is freakishly warm outside. Like 70's - and it's November! I don't like this.

Our carved pumpkin has rotted and made a huge mess. Yuk. I don't like this.

My hair is getting thinner and thinner, and clumps keep coming out when I shower. I don't like this.

There was a dead deer in our yard. I don't like this.

The election, the state of the country, the precipice our world is heading to... I don't like this.

I am gaining weight around my middle. Not unexpected, but... I don't like this.

My kids are consuming too much candy and processed junk. I don't like this.

My cat is lying around all day, doing nothing. I don't like this. But I wish I could do the same.

Our laundry room is a work-in-progress that looks like a complete disaster right now. I don't like this.

It's been so dry we are worried our fruit trees won't make it. I don't like this.

We Survived (Halloween)

 We don't usually get many trick-or-treaters and this year wasn't any different. My husband sat out on a porch wearing a "scary" overalls/baseball combo, with his ax and a chainsaw propped by the door. I am sure that wasn't the reason why only a couple of groups of kids stopped by...

I took our youngest and her friend around our neighborhood. C was the Ranger from the "Ranger's Apprentice". Our oldest went to a friend's house (they all dressed up as Minions) to eat sugar and watch "The Exorcist". He was pretty grumpy when we came to pick him up because they were only 30 minutes into the movie - but hey, school night, a test the next day, so... a grumpy teen. The middle child also went to a friend's house to party - they dressed up as super-heroes. The initial plan was to take friend's little sister trick-or-treating around the friend's neighborhood, but at some point that plan got changed. So it was just a bunch of teenage girls and H, who is 14, took full advantage of her looks (she looks like a 10-year old). Like I wrote before, I am not a huge fan of teenage trick-or-treaters (leave the candy for the little kids!!!), but oh well. 

There are multiple stashes of candy throughout the house. 

I am kind of over trying to enforce any sort of limitations on candy-eating... 

We didn't watch any scary movies as a family, but we did watch "The Boy and the Heron". It was... weird. Don't get me wrong, I love weird and I liked the movie, but this was just a whole different level of weirdness. I feel like I missed a lot and will have to watch it a couple of times to catch all the details. But seriously, man-eating parakeets? I don't know what kind of mushrooms Miyazaki and his team have been eating. The world they have created was wonderous and had a dream-logic to it, where you just kind of accept things as is while watching it but when thinking back to it - the pieces just fall apart and don't quite fit together. 

How was your Halloween? Did you dress up? 

Kill Switch Part IV. Freezer.

For previous "Kill Switch" posts please see: Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part III and a Half.

We have one of those refrigerators with a bottom-freezer-drawer configuration. A few months ago, we noticed that it was getting hard to close our freezer. Initial thought was that we were simply overloading the poor thing. Upon closer examination, we realized there was a sheet of ice formed at the bottom of the freezer. Like all self-respecting ice buildups, this one was growing in width, depth, and girth. Eventually, it got to the point where the freezer would not stay closed - the seal would not engage. 

We hoisted the contents of our freezer down to our extra fridge in the garage (Yes, we are those people with 2 full-size refrigerators... because Costco and because the climate here is not conducive to storing frozen stuff between the window panes* like we did back in the day on another continent...). We unplugged the refrigerator, opened up the freezer, and waited for the ice sheet to melt. And waited. And waited. Eventually, we got impatient and started using various devious tools to try and chip away at the ice. It was extremely satisfying when we were finally able to lift that ice sheet up and out of the freezer. After giving it a nice wipe-down, we turned the fridge back on and moved the frozen stuff back into that freezer.

Well, that was not fun, we thought. But whatever it was that caused the ice buildup - must have been a fluke and surely would not happen again.

Ha.

Two days later, I noticed a very thin sheet of ice building up at the bottom of the freezer. 

We figured it must be the ice-maker in the freezer that was leaking water. I complained about the dratted thing to a friend of mine who said, very reasonably, "Why don't you turn off the ice maker?".

I didn't even know that was possible. We never turned it off before - I wasn't sure if there even was a switch. Well, upon a deep-dive into the freezer, I did discover that there was a small button - kind of like a light switch - right next to the ice-maker. Happily, I pushed it into the "off" position. I even did a little victory dance, because take that, corporate world, I fixed the problem and I can continue using my fridge happily ever after.

Right.

A day or two later, my daughter said to me "Mom, why are the floor tiles next to the fridge peeling off? And they are kind of wet?"

We have really old vinyl tiles in the kitchen. Apparently, once I shut off the ice maker, the water started leaking under the floor, causing those tiles to become unglued and lift up. 

I turned the ice maker back on. At least this was a controlled leak that we could deal with by defrosting the freezer every couple of months.

Clearly, this is to be continued. I suppose we will get a new refrigerator, eventually. The horrible kitchen floor situation is moving us a few steps closer to actually fixing up our kitchen - a project we've wanted to do for the last 10.5 years, ever since we bought this house.

Dear Reader: what are your least favorite refrigerator quirks and features?

*Long story - maybe in another post.

O Fortuna

I made it to Carmina Burana last Sunday! It was definitely an extra effort to arrange things around kid activities, and I had to give myself a couple of stern talking-to's (because all I really wanted was to read and nap and not go anywhere). My mom and E joined me - so that helped to get me out of the door. As expected - once I got there, it was fun and energizing and relaxing all at the same time. One of the biggest deterrents was the distance - almost an hour drive each way. I was really not looking forward to driving on a major interstate highway. The universe, in this case, has decided to help me along. My map app has unexpectedly decided to take me through some back-country roads instead of the major highway. Driving through the hills, seeing the colorful foliage, cute old houses with wells - so much better! Sometimes it's good to listen to your phone.

 I am reading Tana French's The Hunter - almost done and really like it so far. Will see how the ending is... I am a little nervous about how French is going to bring it all together. Her books have a tendency to pull me in to the point the world I am reading about become more real than reality. I have to make an effort to take breaks from this book and read something else (nonfiction, Meave Leakey's The Sediment of Time or random articles from New Yorker) to counterbalance the effect. If I "dissolve" too much in French's books, the consequence is days of feeling out-of-it, disoriented, and disconnected from my life. That's not a good feeling. I love her books but I have to be emotionally on-guard when reading them.

Other things that happened over the weekend:

• Raking leaves. Lots and lots of leaves.
• It's been very dry - the longest stretch of no-rain weather in this area's recorded history.
• Reading in front of the fireplace. 
• E had his last cross country race - he got his best time so far this year.
• H had rock climbing practice while C and I shopped for food and fun fall decorations.
• Hebrew School
• C had soccer - her team won. (Every time I take her to soccer, they loose. Every time my husband takes C - they win. C has concluded I am bad luck for her team.)

Meatloaf Madness

I made meatloaf yesterday. 

Meatloaf used to be a nearly-weekly occurrence back in the day of toddlers and infants. It was easy to make and lasted for a few meals. And then I went through some bad-luck meatloaves: too dry, too mushy, too weird, or just all wrong. Kids complained. Sad chunks of meatloaves took up space in the fridge. 

I stopped making it. It just never seemed to come out right, and there were plenty of other things to make with ground meat.

During a relatively recent conversation with kids, somehow meatloaf failure came up again. I realized I had 2 options: stay away from meatloaf or practice making meatloaf until I finally figure it out.

I decided to go with the 2nd option: I will be making meatloaf over and over again until I find a version that works and that everyone (or at least most of the family) likes.

Yesterday's meatloaf was a semi-disaster. The favor and texture were actually quite good. I used this recipe as a guideline, but I didn't follow it exactly because I didn't have veal or chili sauce. So there was a fair amount of improv and substitution shenanigans. I must have gotten meat that was far too fatty, because the freaking thing produced so much grease - I have never seen anything like that in my life! 

In all my past meatloaves, I used ground turkey exclusively. This time, I also added ground beef and - well - lesson learned - I need to get leaner beef. 

I will try again.

There are no shortcuts to greatness. Sometimes you have to try again and again until you get the feel for the ingredients, the process, and the correlation between starting materials and the final product. 

We ate about about a third of the meatloaf last night... We will be having it again tomorrow.

The kids, at first, were very suspicious about it: "Mystery Meatloaf" my youngest complained. They are not super-picky but they just don't trust my meatloaves (can't blame them...). They ate it, though, and after I mentioned my plan to make meatloaf again and again until I get it nice and perfect, there was a chorus of "But Mother, it is already perfect! It is delicious!".

Ha. Right. (It was quite tasty... but so far from perfect).

I will let you all know how my next meatloaf turns out!

Dear Readers: do you have a trusted meatloaf method? 

Homecoming, Deer, and Books

Highlights from the last weekend (and more):

• Husband took all the kids to the Homecoming football game at the high school. This was the first time our kids went to a football game. Ever. First time our 2 highschoolers went to see their team play. Everyone had fun. Our son ran into his friends and they hung out and did their own thing.
• Our older 2 kids went to the Homecoming dance on Saturday. There were pre-dance parties with friends (separate for E and H, and neither at our house), and after-dance sleepover for E at a friend's house.
• C's friend came over while the big siblings were away, otherwise the house would have felt way too quiet.
• H is back to rock climbing - she is on the intermediate-level team and is training once a week on Saturday mornings.
• Celebrating Sukkot on Sunday - we all went to our synagogue and had lunch in the sukkah (a temporary structure made of wood planks so that the sky and the scenery around are visible, decorated with harvest-themed objects) with other Hebrew School families. 
• Reading and napping in the hammock!
• We planted some more daffodil bulbs.
• On the way home from H's piano lesson on Monday (15 minutes away), we counted 18 deer (mostly in our neighborhood). It's deer-maggedon. Seriously, those things are a hazard. Not only they eat everything in sight, they jump into the road, and generally act like complete imbeciles.

Looking forward:

• I might go to a concert next weekend (Carmina Burana)
• Halloween Movies: I think I'd like to watch the Addams Family Values again.
• Books, books, books. I put quite a few books I am really looking forward to on my library waiting list: The Hunter by Tana French, Persepolis Rising by James S.A. Corey (part of a series that I gave up on but now want to re-visit), and The Mercy of Gods (same authors, new series - yeah, I know I was just complaining about all the reasons I don't like multi-book series, but the premise looks too interesting to pass by..)
• Part of my renewed interest in James S.A. Corey (aka Daniel Abraham and Ty Franck) is an interview I listened to a couple of days ago - I really liked them! It was one of those things, where I kept nodding and chuckling to everything they said, and thinking I'd love to hear more!

Dear Reader: how was your weekend? What are some of the things you are looking forward to as October is wrapping up?

Are You Serious About Series?

  Neal Stephenson has a new book out! I am so excited but also apprehensive - Polostan is supposed to be the first book in a series. And I've seen reviews mention that it ends on a cliffhanger. 

I really like stand-alone books. I am usually cautious about book series and I get very annoyed if there is a big fat "to be continued" at the end of the book - it feels like the author is twisting your arm, forcing you to get their next book.

Reasons I do not to like book series:

• If it's a new series, I have to wait, and wait, and wait for new installments (hello, Song of Ice and Fire, aka Game of Thrones!).
• Sometimes the author may get bored of the characters, and never finish the series, leaving us all hanging (hello again, Game of Thrones!)
• If it's an old-and-finished series, it can be a pain to figure out the order in which the books have to be read.
• I get sick and tired of the characters and themes (Dune, Expanse, Wheel of Time) and never get beyond the first 1-2 books (but am I missing out???).
• If there are new books still coming out, it can be hard to remember what happened in the last installment from X years ago (and I usually have no desire to re-read stuff I've already read; exception: Harry Potter).
• I may die before the series is finished and will never know how things work out...
• The author may die before the series is finished and I will never know how things work out.
• Books can be uneven - like the first one in a series may be amazing, the next one OK, but #5 is meh, #7 is brilliant, and the final book is just awful but I feel compelled to read it anyway... And perhaps this is the root of my apprehension - picking up a new book feels like a commitment (even if I know it's OK to let it go if it doesn't work for me). Picking up a new book that's a first in a series is a much bigger commitment - I begin to feel a little too invested... and I just don't know if I have it in me.
• Cliffhangers - no, just no. Because all of the above.

Reasons to like series:

• You kind of know what to expect (and that can be a nice feel in a world that's filled with unexpectedness)
• It's nice to hang out with the characters and in the settings you really, really like.
• If it's a short series, like 2-3 books, it feels manageable and allows for a better character growth than may be possible in a single book.
• If it's the author you really like, it's a joy to read them, no matter if it's a stand-alone, #1 is a series, or #27.
• Longer story arc allows for more depth and details.

I can appreciate series that do not go on forever and instead are 2-4 books in length. Ideally, each book would have a clear theme and resolution and the books would be connected by the same characters, or settings, or themes. For example, Tana French's Dublin series - different characters but same settings, and each book has a clear beginning and a well-executed ending. Or, Anthony Horowitz and his Susan Ryeland series - the 2 (currently available) books are definitely connected (and have the same matryoshka-like story-in-story concept) and it helps to read them in order, but each has a clear beginning and ending. Harry Potter - I liked that even though there was a bigger theme that played out through the whole series, each individual book had a satisfying ending.

Dear Reader: what are your thoughts and feelings on stand-alone books versus series? Do you have a favored book series length?

Weekend Report: October Days, Dresses, Apple Sauce

This weekend was relatively slow.

Saturday was Yom Kippur - the kids and I went to the services. I fasted for a good chunk of the day - but I just never seem to be able to keep the fast for the full day. I start getting dizzy and feel like my head is full of wool. I also get very moody, in a scary way. 

I spent a decent chunk of time in a hammock, reading Anthony Horowitz.

I also spent a decent chunk of time cooking. I do like to cook, generally, but sometimes it feels like it just takes up so much time.

C helped me make apple sauce (it is delicious!).

On Sunday, my husband and E went to see a local luthier. They got an estimate on what it would cost to fix up an old family violin and E tried out a few bows (he asked for a new violin bow for his birthday). 

C and I went to a local Arboretum for a very scenic walk. It was wonderful and made my soul sing and made me feel calm and relaxed. 

I took H + C to the King of Prussia mall (I hate that place but it didn't feel too terrible after the morning at the arboretum) because H needed a new dress for Homecoming.

H has a couple of nice dresses she wore for her Bat Mitzvah and the semi-formal dances at the middle school. One of those dresses was a backup plan in case we didn't find anything. We went to 1 store, she tried on about 5 dresses, and settled on a dress that had a very reasonable price and looked very cute on her. Phew - that was easier than expected and everyone is happy. That said, getting new dresses that will only be used once or twice seems... sad. I remember, soon after coming to the US, someone was explaining to me what a formal dance was. One thing they said - you buy a dress that only wear once - seemed shocking at the time. Maybe they didn't mean it quite that literally, I don't know. Thinking back - my prom dress, I don't think I ever wore it again... I kept it and it still hangs in my closet. I am quite sure I will never be able to fit into it, but maybe H or C will use it (even if it's for a Halloween dress-up).

We stopped by another store to look for some winter every-day outfits for H and C - and we could not find anything in the sizes we needed. There were tons of clothing for age 10 and under. There were tons of clothing for adults. But nothing in between! H is very petite and C is tall for her age, so they both need something in the 12-14 range (and sizes run small at that particular store, which is perfect for H). Ugh. I suppose we could have looked harder, or asked a store clerk, but by that time I was all malled-out and was quite ready to get back home. 

The rest of the day was spent helping E study for tests, helping C practice cello, reading, hanging out in the hammock, cooking (yes, again! no matter how much I cook, we always need more food...), doing laundry, playing a couple of board games with the kids, and catching up on work stuff.

Do you own fancy dresses? Do you feel judged if you wear them to multiple events? 

Book Club

I haven't belonged to a book club - I think ever? I've tried out going to one a few years ago, and it was OK but I didn't love it.

I really like reading. I like talking about books. And yet...

I would love to join a book club where, instead of everyone reading the same book (what if you don't like it? what if you are not in the mood for that specific book at this specific junction of life?), you can read whatever you want. People can share their thoughts on books, what they liked, what they would recommend.

There was something I saw about the Silent Book Club - where people get together and read in companionable silence. It doesn't have to be a specific book - just whatever you are reading at the moment. The reading time can be followed by the schmoozing time, if so desired. That sounds kind of perfect...

Also, about books... Do you ever get anxiety about starting a new book? I noticed that now-a-day, I feel an odd sense of discomfort when I'm about to start reading something new. I am not a "finisher" - I don't feel compelled to finish every book I start. I know I can stop reading at any time and look for a new book. And yet, there is this whiny trepidation inside my head: "what if I don't like it?" I guess once you read something, you can't "un-read" it, and the words will be forever stuck in your head - so there's that and one must be somewhat careful about what to put in front of one's eyeballs. There was at least one short story that I read as a teenager that made me want to pull my brain out and scrub it clean. (No, it wasn't that kind of a story... it was science fiction and it was desperate and depressing and without hope... I probably would have loved it as a 20-year old but it destroyed me as a 14-year old).

Do you belong to a book club? 

Coffee & Things

Just like in that song - "These are a few of my favorite things"

• Coffee first thing in the morning, while sitting outside 
• Crisp air, falling leaves
• Anthony Horowitz - I started "Close to Death" yesterday, loving it!
• Watching "Elementary" with family
• Discussing "Rings of Power" with kids - we all agree that it was entertaining but also a bit "meh"
• Watching a completely random Japanese show and experiencing a bit of a culture shock
• Discussing with my son why he likes chemistry and does not like his English class (he likes it when things are clear-cut and concrete).
• Helping my daughters study for their up-coming tests (I love it that they are working hard!).
• Listening to music while working on a puzzle with kids
• Crosswords with C.

Hogwarts 3D Puzzle
Almost done!!!

Dear Reader: what are your favorite things right now?

Happy October!

New month, new hopes, old problems.

Our 14-year-old continues to push us to and past our limits. I can't quite figure out if we have spoiled her rotten and are giving in to all of her demands - or if we are not giving her enough attention and she is just being a normal self-absorbed teen...

I am figuring out how to love, admire, and be absolutely furious all at the same time. 

And this is not just the middle kid. The other 2 also have their moments... But nothing as challenging or rage-inducing.

Work is oscillating between completely unreasonable and slightly unreasonable. Some days are better than others. I am doing my best to keep going and keep my head above water, so to speak. 

I haven't been able to go on any hikes recently - combination of being sick, family obligations, and work madness. I need to get myself to a forest and just wonder around aimlessly for a bit...

So here are a few hopes for this month:

• Go on solo hikes!
• Read
• Hang out 1:1 with kids
• Finish giant Hogwarts 3D puzzle
• Have people over
• Write - something - anything - most evenings

Dear Reader: what are your hopes for October?

Of Dread and Horror

I am kind of dreading Halloween.

I am not big on decorations. I don't particularly enjoy figuring out costumes. And I certainly don't enjoy the candy overload that comes with Halloween each year. 

And while I think babies-to-elementary school kids in costumes are adorable, I am not particularly fond of teens who raid our candy bowl. Last year, they actually stole the bowl.

We have 2 teens in the house. At least one of them is full-set on going trick-or-treating with friends. I am told that "You can't stop me!"

Um, yes, I can. 

There are other ways our teens can have fun on Halloween. 

All that aside, I think I could enjoy reading a creepy book or watching a moderately scary movie (not too much gore, please) with the family. Maybe that would even make me feel less dreadful about Halloween. 

Any recommendations?

On my list (to be watched with the big kids)

• Nightmare on Elm street (I've never seen it)
• Sixth Sense 
• Alien (I've seen bits and pieces but never beginning-to-end)
• Nosferatu (the old silent film; this also would be a new one for me)
• Psycho
• Signs

For Halloween, do you welcome trick-or-treaters and give out candy? Or do you leave a bowl full of candy on your porch? Or do you turn out the lights and pretend no one is home?

Sick

Ugh.

Not feeling great.

My husband is back from his trip but he is also sick.

Objectively, all is OK and will be even better after we get over this bug.

What Plans No Plans

Didn't I just say that I was going to keep this week as easy as possible, minimizing the need to drive people to multiple activities while my husband is away? I distinctly remember making the plan to skip swimming on Tuesday, and take C to swim practice on Wednesday and Friday.

Ha. Ha-ha. This is why I hate planning.

I got an email from the swim coach on Monday - there were to be no practices on Wednesday and Friday. So. The *easy* thing to do was to skip swimming this week altogether. It is one of those things - a choice, a margin, a completely optional activity -  there is no consequence whatsoever if C skips a week of swim practice. But... I felt so bad that she would miss the entire week - she likes swimming, and she was really improving her freestyle stroke last week, and I was worried that she would forget all she has learned without a chance to practice it at least once this week. I am sighing and shaking my head as I'm writing this - why is is that I feel compelled to pretty much bend backwards for things that are kind of trivial and optional? And then I complain about feeling overwhelmed and needing to be in 5 places all at once... Seriously, no idea what's wrong with me. I mean, if it was someone else in the same situation - I would be totally like "DON'T DO IT". But, anyway, Monday afternoon, I was frantically texting people with kids doing swimming on the same day as C to try and find a ride home for her...

Bottom line: it all worked out. Tuesday we hectic, but we managed to fit it all in: E's cross-country meet, a very rushed dinner, dropping C off at swim practice on the way to E's orchestra rehearsal (a friend would be giving her a ride home), E's orchestra rehearsal.... and let's not forget a full day of work and getting dinner ready. C and H, as far as I know, did all their homework and practiced while I was away. H helped with dinner prep and did some of the dinner dishes.

How do you manage unexpected change of plans? Do you have contingencies for multiple scenarios?

That Nagging Feeling

I have a nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something important.

It's like an unpleasant tickle at the back of my brain - there must be something I am missing, some supporting piece of my life that is all wobbly and about to fall out, bringing the whole structure down.

My husband is away most of this week, so not much margin for error on my part when it comes to keeping life on-track.

My son's birthday is coming up, and his present is running late (with no estimated date of delivery). Also, I need to figure out what to do for celebratory breakfast and dinner (the birthday boy asks for the same things every year - Dutch baby for breakfast and beef stew for dinner... and while the beef strew can be made the day before as long as I manage to swing by a store to buy beef and potatoes, the Dutch baby would have to be made around 5:30 in the morning, and I am just not sure about that...). We are also having Carrot Cake Drama. We are having family over on Sunday, so I was planning to make a big carrot cake (his favorite) to celebrate E's 16. Shockingly (or not?), he also wants a cake on his actual birthday. I mean, I kind of get it... but also don't really have time to make 2 cakes. I guess I can buy something pre-made? 

It's my own fault, really. I have set a precedent with other kids' birthdays and multiple cakes because we often have multiple celebrations with just us, the extended family, and with friends - but this week is a little extra stressful with the whole solo-parenting thing. 

I think I need to simplify life as much as possible this week and, tempting as it may be, not be overly ambitious with juggling multiple pieces.

Do you have any birthday traditions that work well for you?

September 2024 Life

We are somewhat in a survival mode. Everyone is getting fed and getting to/from school and various activities; there is work, homework, laundry, and a couple of critical household tasks (like food shopping and cooking). There hasn't been much else...

Highlights of September (so far):

• All kids started school (5th, 9th, 10th grades). They all like their teachers and classes and seem to be pretty happy overall. 
• The highschoolers have a horribly early departure - their bus comes at 6:35am. We could drive them later (like, 7am), but that would make mornings more busy and stressful for the parents - so we don't. No "parents of the year" award here.
• Two of the kids are full-on in activities (the oldest has violin lessons, youth orchestra, and cross country team; the youngest has cello lessons, soccer, and swimming).
• The middle kid is feeling left out as far as activities go - she only has piano lessons right now. But she'll be starting rock climbing team in October and I'm hoping she'll join school clubs.
• We had 2 cross country meets so far this season - I only was able to go to one of those (E did very well! He was happy with his time and I got a chance to see him with his team mates and chat with other parents. And the weather was beautiful, so all-in-all a very enjoyable way to spend Saturday morning).
• C started "proper" swimming practices after many-many years of only unstructured fun swimming. She did swim lessons before the pandemic and was ready to join the pre-team, and then things just went pear-shape and we lost momentum with swimming and just never got back to it. Which was a pity because C really liked swimming. 
• She is only doing swimming twice a week, so that she can learn proper technique and build strength. The coach initially suggested the training team with practices 4 times a week (she really wanted to do it!) - but we can't. Just can't. Twice a week is hard enough. We can see how things go and then re-evaluate as needed.
• E has a decent amount of homework. Combined with XC daily practices, races, orchestra rehearsal, daily violin practice - he is staying up later than he should to finish it up. I hope he figures out a way to manage his time and get more work done while he is at school (he has about half an hour in the morning before classes start and half an hour after school/before XC practice that he probably could put to good use... )
• We went to our local arboretum a couple of times - for a brief hike and also for a quick picnic. 
• I've been going on late evening walks with my husband a couple of times a week.
• Took my parents to an Uzbekistan restaurant for dad's birthday and went to Bell's market to stock up on Russian food (Borodinsky bread, pickled cabbage, pryaniki/ginger cakes, sweets) - this is all about an hour drive from where we live, so doesn't happen too often.

Failures (so far):

• Garden is a disaster
• Deer are eating everything (even stuff that's supposed to be toxic to deer)
• Kitchen renovation project has stalled
• Laundry room renovation has stalled
• Dark brown walls in our hall (just as you enter the house) are driving me bonkers. When we bought the house more than 10 years ago, I was like "ok, a little dark, easy enough to repaint". Well - we haven't gotten around to it yet...
• Birthday planning for my son's 16th birthday (next week!!!) - yeah, hasn't happened yet. But I'm outsourcing the friend-party to him. He can organize and figure out when to invite people over.
• Grown-up social life - non-existent.
• Vacation and travel planning - nope.
• Organizing and making our house feel more zen and less chaotic - nope.
• Weekend adventures - need more work here, planning fun outings and exploring (we did some... but it all felt kind of rushed)
• Figuring out carpool options for kids activities (we know a few families who go to the same swim place - I can probably reach out and see if we can take turns driving kids)

Coming up:

• My husband will be away in Germany next week, so solo parenting for me. I think I have most of the logistics figured out for what to skip and what to keep in terms of kid activities.
• Example: next Tuesday, skipping C's swimming (can make up on Friday), skipping high school back-to-school night (unfortunately... I was really looking forward to meeting the teachers), taking E to orchestra rehearsal (~35 min drive each way, will not be back until close to 10)
• Need to talk to a couple more people about kitchen renovation and get estimates
• This Saturday, E has a "home" XC race at his high school AND an orchestra retreat. 
• We will be going to 2 Bar/Bat Mitzvahs this month

Does it seem like this post is discombobulated and all over the place? (YES)

What are your favorite weekend adventures?

Cinderella on the Stairs, I Spy the Three Bears*

Cinderella has been on my mind lately. Not sure why.

Not my favorite story. 

Really, what is this weirdness with small feet? Is that supposed to be a measure of one's femininity? Or is it symbolic in some other way? I guess the story uses shoe size as a sort of ID kit. The glass slippers Cinderella has are so tiny that they only fit her amazingly diminutive feet. Her mean stepsisters are on the opposite side of the spectrum and have enormous feet. They are quickly identified as imposters when (even after resorting to self-mutilation) they are unable to keep Cinderella's tiny shoes on, forever losing their chance to marry the prince.

Why didn't the story go "Cinderella was a kind-hearted, hard-working girl who had unusually large feet." After the prince finds the rather large glass slipper, he can go traipsing around the countryside, searching for the girl who has feet big enough that she can walk around in those slippers without tripping over herself or loosing the shoes. When he finally comes across Cinderella's stepsisters, they will, of course, insist that the slipper is theirs. The older one will try it on - but it's clearly too big, and she stumbles and falls down the stairs, breaking her neck. The next stepsister rips the slipper off her dead sister's foot, but it is, as we well know, too big for her as well. She manages to walk in it for half a minute, her foot wobbling and sliding around the too-big slipper, and then she ungracefully trips over her own skirt and falls out of a window, plummeting to her death. Our heroine modestly steps out of the kitchen carrying the matching slipper, and after the prince's assistant runs outside to retrieve the first slipper, puts both on, waltzing around the room, and ending up in prince's arms. Kisses, roses, etc, etc. 

I have other (multiple) grievances with the story in it's multiple iterations.

The prince in the Russian version of the movie has the personality of a slug. His father, the king, may be deranged (or just exceedingly odd). Cinderella's father is an idiot and a coward. Cinderella herself is oxymoronic - she seems to have a strong personality but at the same time everyone walks all over her. The only ray of sunshine in the movie is the Stepmother (Faina Ranevskaya) - she manages to play a character that is absolutely repulsive but you can't take your eyes off her. (But I didn't appreciate her until I saw the movie as an adult)

Disney version of Cinderella - ugh, what is it with the mice? Why do boy mice have no pants? I am sorry, I just can't get over that.

Oh, and by the way, let's look at the advice the Fairy Godmother keeps giving Cinderella: do not  let the prince see you as you really are! Hide behind the magic, the illusions, the lie. Be back by midnight or the prince will see the real you (and will run away crying).

Healthy start to a relationship, isn't it?

Like I said, not my favorite story.

Is there a fairy tale that just keeps rubbing you the wrong way?

*Each Peach Pear Plum by Alan Ahlberg. 

Family Values Part II (When Values Collide)

Family Values:

1. Spend time together as a family!!!!

• Eat meals together
• Cook together
• Play board games together
• Go on hikes, bike rides, kayaking
• Go sightseeing and museums 
• Travel together
• Visit grandparents, great-grandmother, and cousins

2. Have a life that's enjoyable:

• Minimize stress
• Focus on each other (1:1 time)
• Get plenty of rest (early bedtimes)
• Socialize with friends
• Alone time
• Exercise
• Go to concerts
• Travel
• Cook and eat healthy food

3. Do something useful

• Participate in our community (volunteering)
• Help out at school and synagogue
• Clean the house, do the laundry, etc

4. Encourage and support kids in school, music, sports, and other activities (and help organize stuff)

• E: running (cross country and track), violin, youth orchestra, (plus possibly school clubs)
• H: rock climbing, piano, teacher helper at Hebrew School (plus probably school clubs, maybe diving, maybe track)
• C: soccer, cello, swimming, Hebrew School (plus probably school clubs later in the year)
• School work support, homework help as needed
• Encourage kids and have conversations about college, financial aide, careers
• Help kids explore and find internships, summer jobs, etc
• Enables kids to explore the world (travel, museums, historic sites) and encourage the sense of wonder.

The problem with the above values is that all too often they contradict each other. For example, eating meals together does not go too well with multiple kids being in multiple schools, sports, music, etc. 

Example: Tuesday afternoon.

4:45 - warm up dinner while finishing up work

4:50 - tell the girls to set the table - I'm still working

4:55 - girls did NOT set the tables; I am annoyed

4:57 - E called - he is done with cross country practice; ladle the soup for C and H and ask them to serve themselves chicken and squash.

5pm - go pick up E from cross country practice.

5:15pm - back with E; girls are done eating (except - did they actually eat much? no idea)

5:20 - sit down to eat with E; girls join us and we chat about the day for a few minutes

5:25 - tell C to get into her swim suit and get her stuff ready

5:35 - leave with C for swim practice; husband gets home (he'll be taking E to youth orchestra rehearsal this evening).

So.... yes, kids got to and/from their activities. Everyone got fed (more or less). But things were rushed (why is it that work explodes at 4:30 pm and there are 1000 things to do?) and I felt frazzled. We didn't really get a chance to all sit down and talk at the table... it was more of conversations snippets here and there. So while some of the values are being upheld, other values are broken (including "minimize stress").

Perhaps I should print out my current Values List and do tally marks - just to see what we actually get to implement and how often... Perhaps the Values will need a personality adjustment. Or perhaps I will need to change the way I do things. 

How do you resolve conflicting priorities and values? Do you have a hierarchy of values?

September 2024 - Do Not Press Fast Forward

Today was the first day of school for C (5th grade) and H (9th grade). I feel like there is the "now" - first day of school, full of excitement and joy. And then it's as if someone presses "fast forward" button - all of a sudden, we will be half way through the year... and then fast-forward some more and the school year will be over, and I will no longer have an elementary school kid.

I do not want the fast-forward version of life. I want to dwell in the moment, I want to have a chance to get bored of the now, I want to hold on to my kids' childhoods. I want to pay attention to every step during the morning walk to the school bus. I want to remember what the kids are excited about when they come home from school.

I want my life to be more like a Tarkovsky film - moody, a bit dark, retrospective, and elevating the mundane objects to the level of out-of-these-world beauty by simply noticing them. I don't want my life to be like Mission Impossible movies that feel like they fly by so fast (action, action, action) you barely had a chance to understand the plot or get to know the characters.

(My kids an I just watched one of the relatively recent MI movies a couple of weekends ago - very entertaining).

(I am yet to watch Stalker with kids... Back in grad school days, my husband fell asleep 10 minutes into it...)

If your life was a movie, what would it be? Who would you want to direct it?

(Addams) Family Values Part I

I love that movie :)

School and all the fall activities are about to start up and we are trying to finalize the schedules and make sure that we can make things work.

The endless options for music, clubs, sports, and hobbies made me pause and re-think what's important to our family, what's feasible, and what would be the optimal level of activities

Some people (kids) need more scheduled activities and some people (kids) need more unstructured down time. Some people can't deal with free time and feel the need to schedule every minute of it. Others (myself included) absolutely need to have free time to process all the stuff that happened during the day and not have to rush to the next activity. Some people feel that if they keep their kids super busy, they'll have less time to get in trouble and less time to waste on screens. None of it is wrong... but we all have our rhythms and needs and values.

Growing up, I did music lessons, which included twice-a-week piano lessons + 2x week music theory + weekly music literature + weekly choir. (It was all a part of Music School, a pretty typical thing for the  USSR, where I went 2-3 times a week after regular school for all those lessons; I could get there on my own - there was an activity bus from the army base and when I got to ~4th grade, I just took a regular bus). I did not play any sports. Occasionally, I joined knitting/sewing/arts clubs through my school. What did I do with the rest of my time? Oh my goodness: I read, I went on long meandering walks through the local hills and forests, I spent time with friends, I daydreamed... I had a ton of unstructured time. I needed it and I loved having that kind of freedom. 

My husband did multiple school sports once he got to high school. He took swim lessons as a kid. He took piano lessons. He played in band. He participated in school clubs. He did a lot, but most of it was at or through the school. He also had plenty of time to bike around with his siblings, explore, help his parents with yardwork. So I would say a pretty good balanced of structured/unstructured time throughout his childhood but more structured as he got to be high school age).

Our kids did ~2 activities each when they were early elementary school age. Less when they were preschool age. Our goal was to do one art-related activity (in our case, it was always music) and one sport per kid. 

As the kids got older (currently: 5th grade, 9th grade, 10th grade), there are clubs and school sports that they started adding on. It's wonderful when these activities are through the school (only pickup is required for those activities... and sometimes there are activity buses). It is more difficult when they want to do things that are outside of school that require a commitment to getting them there and back (sometimes multiple times a week)

We want to support their interest but we also want to keep our sanity (because having to drive to 3 different places every evening is not feasible for us). 

And here we (finally) come to values. Over the years, I haven't given much thought to what our family values are (or should be). We just sort of did our things and meandered from day to day without thinking too deeply about the meaning of life, or anything like that. 

Here's what came to mind when I asked myself - what are our current family values?

1. Spend time together as a family!!!!

2. Have a life that's enjoyable

3. Do something useful

I feel like these are going to be very much a work-in-progress. Where would I fit the more personal values (like integrity, sense of adventure, willingness to try new things...)?

To be continued....

What are your family values? How do they define your day-to-day life?

Last Week of Summer Break

I was going to name this post "Last Week of Summer" but then I remembered that summer, technically, goes into September.

However, this is the last week that the kids are on summer break. Here's what's happening:

E: work (only a couple of days this week), XC training (daily), violin (lesson + daily practice), schoolwork (he is still working through Frankenstein), working on his model (WWII battleship), researching 3D printer (he is saving up to buy one), chores around the house.

H: piano (lesson + daily practice), schoolwork (finishing up the required reading and write-up), daily chores.

C: cello (lesson + daily practice), schoolwork (finishing up school math and doing some extra math workbooks), reading, a new puzzle, chores.

Self: work, cook, laundry, read.

Husband: work, cook, clean, read. 

I try to get all the kids outside. They go to the pool. They have a list of chores they need to get through before they get to have screentime. There is still way too much screentime but I also feel like this is their last week of break and they should get their fill of "doing nothing" (but I still feel guilty - even though I know it's ridiculous).

Goals for this week: play outside with kids even if it's just 20 minutes, go for a walk, play board games, be efficient at work.

Goals for this weekend: not sure yet!

Energy Levels

Every time I go to the doctor and they ask me if I have any complaints, I say: "Fatigue." And they say: "Oh good, so nothing has changed!" I've been feeling tired for so long that I can't tell if it's normal or something I should worry about.

When kids were little and sleep was interrupted - it made perfect sense that I would feel tired most days.

When the pandemic happened and I was stressed out - it made sense that I would feel tired.

Kids are older now and many things are easier, but there is still a lot of anxiety (kid-related, work-related, life-related, health-related). We also have fairly busy lives (work, house chores, kid-related activities, making sure everyone is fed and clothed, etc) - but nothing too extreme. 

I just always feel  tired and sleepy. By 6 pm, I feel so completely drained and exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open. Once I get to 8 or 9 pm, I typically feel slightly better. It just seems like I have some weird energy "collapse" around 6 pm. Which is a problem because a lot of kids activities are happening around then... 

I need to do something to improve my energy levels; I need to resolve both the 6-pm collapse and the general fatigue that I feel all the time. 

Maybe I can try and figure out a way to get more sleep. I mean I think I get around 7.5-8 h most nights but maybe that's an overestimation? I need to track this....

Maybe I could build in more exercise into my day (typically, exercising = going on walks) - hard to do right now because work is so crazy and then we've got the the usual cooking/cleaning/driving kids to activities stuff. But I need to try, even if it's 20 minutes of playing badminton with kids...

It could be age- and hormone-related. Not much could be done there except adjusting expectations.

I should probably get my thyroid levels checked.

Dear Reader, what's your energy level like? Is there anything special that you do to combat fatigue?

Weekend Report

I think this last weekend was a good balance of time spent with family and friends and time spent doing nothing.

We had H's friends over for a sleepover. Generally, I find sleepovers overwhelming and try to avoid them. However, they are all 14 and require minimal supervision (and they are all really good easy-going kids). Besides providing the food, I pretty much did nothing and went to sleep while they stayed up until 3 am watching movies and chatting. The next morning, my son had to get up super early for his XC practice and I had a very nice time hanging out with him and making waffles while the girls slept. After they all woke up, ate, and got ready (and this took a while), I drove them to the nearby mall and left them there. I then spent a very nice couple of hours relaxing at home, doing a couple of chores, and chatting with my husband. I went to pick up the very happy girls, brought them back to our place, and then they got picked up. 

After the girls left, I went on a sort of archeological dig - we have numerous drawers (and shelves, and cabinets) that we just sort of shove stuff into and then forget all about it. So, somewhat randomly, I decided to take a look at 3 drawers in our dining room.

I found: kids old artwork, old baseball photos from 2015, old photos from day camp from around the same time (the kids loved the photos and seeing familiar faces), old irrelevant bills and statements that we can get rid of, paperwork from when we bought our house in 2014 (keeping that), piles of Hannukah and Shabbat candles, piles of hair pieces, Halloween decoration, command hooks that I forgot we had. 

On Sunday, I went on a bike ride with my husband and our youngest daughter. I meant to do a short and easy ride (instead of an entire loop around the park that would force me to do go down hills I am really uncomfortable with), so was going to stop after about 30 min and turn back. My husband wanted to go all the way around,  and C decided that she wanted to go with him. So we separated - I turned back and they went around the loop - they go much faster than me (is it kind of pathetic that I can't keep up with the 10 year-old? Probably, but ah well...) and we planned to meet up again at the park entrance. I got there first (not surprising because I turned back at approximately 1/3 mark along the loop) and had a very nice time hanging out by the stream and people-watching for about 10 minutes. 

Later on Sunday, I drove the girls to visit their friends (who used to be our next-door neighbors but had to move) for a couple of hours. We also had friends over for dinner - so that was a pretty full day. 

I think those short stretches of alone time spent letting my mind wonder while watching hummingbirds, or looking at the stream, or just sitting outside, helped with making the weekend feel calm and relaxed. Spending time with friends was fun and energizing. And biking was a decent exercise (even though I went easy on myself) - so there, I even got some exercise in!

Do you host sleepovers? Do you let your kids go to sleepovers?

Weekend Plans vs the Need for Nothingness

The August weekends have been booked up with plans. It's mostly social stuff - getting together with friends, celebrating people's birthdays, a sleepover, a trip to the mall with H's friend group. I am slightly concerned that I am going to feel completely run down and burnt out by the end of the month. 

I've been really enjoying getting together with people and catching up o with friends that I haven't seen for months. I've really enjoyed getting to know new people and having interesting discussions. Being with people can be energizing. However... I also crave quiet and solitude, because that's what I need to re-charge and keep my sanity.

The balance of doing lots of things and doing nothing has been difficult. I find that I really need both - I am just not sure how much of each! 

How do you balance the need to be alone with the need to see friends? 

August Feelings

We have a few more weeks before school starts! There are no more camps for kids. I have mixed feelings about end-of-summer. On one hand, I'm really looking forward to:

• having a very quiet house while I'm working... 
• and not finding the kitchen a complete disaster zone every time I come down to get a glass of water. 
• and not finding a gazillion dirty bowls, cups, and utensils all over the place.
• and not having kids complain about their chores
• and not having to constantly tell kids to get off the screens and go finish their chores
• and oh, my, not having constantly hungry children complaining that there is not enough food (there is tons of food! just not junk food!)

At the same time, I want to make sure to Make The Most Of the Summer!

• Go on family bike ride
• Go to the park
• Go kayaking
• Take the kids to the library and let them browse or wonder around town while I work
• Have leisurely breakfasts with the family
• Play board games

In the meantime, work is hellishly stressful and I barely have time to breath. I feel exhausted - can barely function after 7 pm. Something is leaking near our freezer, pushing up the kitchen floor tiles (we just noticed that today... but our ice maker in the freezer has been acting weird for months now so we think that's the culprit). The house is messy and dusty. So, major anxiety all around.

Deep breaths....

Dear Reader, how is your end-of-summer going? What is the source of calm and what is the source of anxiety?

Planning, Lack of

So... I try to stay on top of things. Birthday. Events. Kids activities. That sort of thing.

I use a couple of systems, including automated email reminders, on-line calendar, and a physical calendar to keep track of, you know, life and stuff. Except sometimes I think I can remember it all and don't bother looking or updating my calendar....

Well, it shouldn't come as a huge surprise that I can't keep it all in my head and I absolutely need to pay more attention to my calendars. Earlier in the week, I saw an email reminder that my father-in-law's birthday was coming up. So yesterday, I kept reminding my husband to call his father so that we could all wish him happy birthday. The funny thing is, it wasn't actually his birthday yet - that would be tomorrow. It is even funnier that I sounded so sure of myself that I managed to convince my husband to make that phone call.... chaos ensued. 

I mean, the actual birthday is clearly marked on my calendar - I just didn't pay attention.

This coming Saturday we were hoping to go on a family outing, maybe kayaking or biking.. Because the next few weekends are going to be busy and then the school starts, etc, etc. And we had an absolutely beautifully open Saturday.. or so I thought. Ha. My son is going to his teacher's wedding ceremony. This Saturday. Again - it is on my calendar (and has been for months), I just thought that I remembered things well enough so that I didn't look at it! I couldn't sleep last night because I was a) disappointed that our plans wouldn't work, b) he has no gift, and c) he needs new decent-looking pants to attend the wedding.

Dear Reader, are you a planner? Or do you outsource it to someone else?

Recharging

I've been watching a fair amount of the Olympics this summer. I am not super into team sports (soccer, volleyball, basketball) but I really love the individual sports. Not sure what that says about me, but I'm sure it means something :)

I've been absolutely soaking up the emotions and the excitement that's oozing out of the TV screen. (Perhaps my life is a little lacking in intensity, be it joy or disappointment.) I've been feeling so drained - for months - and seemingly unable to feel much of anything. I feel like my emotional reserves are filling up now, feeding off the Olympic frenzied victories, world records, athletes' determination and perseverance, and the joy of the games.

This morning, C and I spent half an hour sitting in an isolated spot at a nearby stream: talking, coming up with fun things to do this month, and thinking about what exciting things we could do this fall. I felt such peace and joy. I feel so much closer to an equilibrium now.

How do you recharge and regain balance? 

Second Half Of July

 

Weather: mostly hot, humid, and unpleasant.

Work: let's not talk about that.

Camps: our youngest, C, had 2 weeks of camps.

• Colonial Homestead 18th Century STEM - mostly outdoors, lots of hands-on activities, playing in the stream, farm animals, friends from last year. Rated excellent.
• School District Camp: Tennis in the morning and "Cupcake Wars" in the afternoon (they make and decorate cupcakes). She loved it. 

No camps for the older 2 kids but they stayed pretty busy:

• H has painted and re-arranged her room. She is doing some school work, and practicing piano.
• H and C have been going to the pool after C's camp.
• E has been working a few days a week (lifeguard at the pool). He has daily cross country training. He is working on his war ship model and is learning a new (and super difficult) violin piece.

Fun stuff: 

• Celebrating H's 14th birthday with a lemon cake and a tea/popover party with grandparents. We'll celebrate more with the other part of the family when we are at the beach (probably will take her and all the cousins to a water park). She is planning to have friends over for a sleepover sometime in August.
• Kayaking/tubing down the Brandywine river.
• Playing Hero's Quest (I have to admit that I am not really enjoying this one... too stressful and too much strategy - but the kids love it).
• Pool - very refreshing to go for a swim at the end of the day.
• J started ripping out shelves in the laundry room (as a first step in the remodel process) - I think he was having fun doing it!
• H and C both had friends over (on different days).
• Farmers Market - love getting fresh produce there

Dreadful stuff: work-related stress; oppressive heat and humidity; running out of glasses (how do kids use up so many glasses in a day?); complaining from kids (mostly about chores or about having to turn off the TV).

Screen Time:

• Some evenings, kids play Harry Potter Legacy 
• H is watching Reign, E is watching Reacher, and C is watching H2O (they take turns).
• Family TV show: we are trying "Northern Exposure" - only a few episodes in, not sure if we'll stick with it.
• Family movie night: Dial M for Murder - everyone loved it!
• We try to limit screen time...  Currently, we ask H to limit herself to 3 episodes a day (about 2.5 h?). This is less of an issue with C and E because they are home less.
• We have minimal screen time on the weekend - this is time for family adventures and games.

Garden: a complete disaster. All the local wildlife stops by and eats whatever they can.

Dear Reader: What were your July highlights? What was fun? What was dreadful?

About Summer Camps

Day Camps

Here is what we look for:

• Reasonably priced
• Convenient location (ie, close to home)
• Kids are enthusiastic about it
• Bonus if it's an outdoorsy camp with lots of time out in nature

In theory, day camps are a fantastic option because kids are busy and parents can work. In the evening and on the weekends, parents + kids can spend quality time together and do fun stuff.

In reality, many day camps are not covering full work day (ours seem to all be 9 to 3). Parents have to do drop off/pick up, which eats into the work time. After kids get home, they may (depending on a kid) cause  interruptions and require attention, which again takes away from work time. This is less so with older kids, which is why we haven't been doing "extended day" (not all camps offer that option). 

Overall, the camps are working out well this summer. But there are some things I would like to improve on.

Honestly, by the time we get to that theoretical "evening quality family time", I am in no mood for games or conversations... Sometimes I have work to finish up (because interruptions, see above). Sometimes, I am just plain tired. I feel annoyed with myself for not using our time together better. Part of my general sense of discontent is the stressful work situation I mentioned before. Part of it is lack of planning. 

Sleepaway Camps.

We haven't sent our kids to overnight camps. They say they want to go but... a few reasons why we haven't done it:

• Expense
• Pain-in-the-butt prep (labeling everything? stuff that the kids might not own and we would have to buy?) - it just looks like an overwhelming amount of prep work has to be done before the actual camp. Plus getting them to the camp if it's far away.
• There are only a few years left before the kids are grown up and will be away on their own... I kind of want to spend time with them while I can.
• Most of their friends are not doing sleepaway camps so there is less pressure all around to do that.
• My husband and I were not big on sleepaway camps when we were kids (he has never done it; I went to a sleepaway camp once when I was 15 - I loved it).

Considering that I've spent too much time during the last couple of weeks feeling stressed, grumpy, and craving an escape into books... maybe sleepaway camps would be a good option in the near future.... Like, for a week. I think it will be good for them and I think they will like it (especially if they can do stuff they are interested in). And they can do their own packing/labeling and whatnot! It would certainly give husband and I a break while providing some awesome experiences for the kids.. 

July Updates: Stress, Kids, Homework

Work-related stuff is still insane, both in terms of the work load and being thrown into new projects that I am completely unprepared for or have a good understanding of. Yet, I am supposed to be responsible for these projects. I feel a little bit calmer (for now) - one thing was sent to the client yesterday and I feel like I am beginning to gain perspective and have a better idea about what questions to ask. (Hopefully the client doesn't totally hate the slide decks we sent her... Ugh, that is entirely possible - no one on the team was entirely sure about what she was looking for...).

On the home front, one of my kids had a sleepover at my parents house. It's amazing how much things shift when only 2 kids are home! Yesterday evening felt so much easier to manage. Husband and I went for a late evening walk - it was warm and humid but not outright terrible. The girls played Hogwarts Legacy for a bit and then got themselves to bed at a reasonable time while we were out.

One of my highschoolers is already done with her math work, and about half way through the required book. The other one - not so much... I am trying to work out how much nagging/reminding is needed from me so that he doesn't leave it all until the last week before school. I want him to get back into the habit of studying every day - like spending maybe about an hour on school-related stuff. I am getting a lot of pushback on that... It's not like he does nothing all day - he has running in the mornings, works ~3 days a week, practices violin... But there is also a lot of wasted time.

What's your work/life balance looking like these days?

Birthday Painting

H is 14!

She painted her bedroom last week. All by herself. 

She taped everything over 2 days, and then  spent another 2 days painting. Her bedroom is not small... I am impressed but not surprised.

My husband and I, it takes us forever to complete projects like that. I think when we were painting our bedroom, it was probably weeks? Maybe more?

Of course, we also have to work, cook, clean, and take care of kids.

Still... H can be very efficient and hard-working (when it is something that she wants to do). She wanted to have her room all nice and ready for her 14th birthday.

We helped her swap beds - instead of a twin size bed that used to be her father's when he was a kid (it's part of a bunk set that also works as individual beds), she now has a full-size bed that used to be her grandmother's when she was a teenager.

She is still trying to figure out how to position everything in her room and what decorations are needed to achieve the "Boho" style she wants.