On My Mind

Things that have been on my mind this week:

• Politics and feelings of impotent rage melting into fatigue.
• Quantum physics: MIT has lectures available on youtube.
• Highschool schedule for next year (they are moving to block scheduling)
• Talking to big kids about college and careers
• Complicated relationship with my teen daughter
• No matter what I do, don't do, say, or don't say - everything will always be my fault (and require lengthy therapy).
• Teenage. Girls. 
• Finding the right balance of "push" and "let be" with the big kids (mostly for our son. With our daughter, it's "let be" or get a raging demon-child).
• Getting kids to happily help out with chores.
• Feeding kids: one of the kids is underweight (like, below 1%... ). This is not a picky eater (will happily eat fruit and vegetables, fish, meat, milk... likes to try new foods). We met with an endocrinologist, GI specialist, and will be meeting with a nutritionist. So far, the diagnosis is "nado bol'she kushat'" - "eat more". GI doc gave us a pile of high-caloric food bottles/pouches. Unfortunately, all of them were pronounced to be "yuck". (I tried one - it tasted like sugary mud). 
• Food: we try to eat healthy and minimize uber-processed stuff (without totally cutting it out ). What kids eat in school - I have no idea and I try not to think about it too much. 
• They usually buy lunches
• Kids are welcome to pack their own lunches - only 1 of the kids does it on a regular basis.
• Weather: it's gotten too warm (for January). But I'm glad we had about a week of beautiful cold weather and snow, so that I got my wintery hikes and the kids were able to ice skate on the pond.

What's on your mind this week?

He Got the Boot

My husband has injured his ankle when he was on a work trip. He needs to wear a boot and he needs to minimize walking. 

It has been very painful and frustrating for him (I don't know which is worse). We are shifting and adjusting to make sure he gets the rest he needs. He is getting better about asking for help and being patient. I am getting better at delegating sit-down tasks to him while taking care of chores that require moving around. E has really been amazing - he's taken over the responsibility for taking out and brining in the garbage and recycling containers on garbage days. He made breakfast for everyone on Sunday (Belgian waffles and fruit salad - delicious!). He's been helping with dishes and random countless other things with almost no complaining. Also, E has  driver's permit, so he's been driving everywhere with my husband in the passenger seat.

I was feeling sorry for myself for a couple of days - because I felt like I had to do everything for everyone, plus there was a lot of shuttling kids from activity to activity, and some of it got very exhausting with only 1.5 drivers. Going on walks helped. What helped even more, was the realization that I wasn't required to do "everything for everyone": I do what I can, kids can help, and my husband can get his own coffee in the kitchen if he doesn't feel like waiting. 

This week is much better - both in terms of my own expectations and a drastic reduction in complaints from my husband (because he is in less pain and has gotten used to wearing the boot).

We have C's birthday coming up (I need to figure out a present... I have a couple of little things for her but I really want something she is going to be excited about...). We are planning to have a family party. We are also planning a sleepover with a couple of close friends. She is going to be 11!!!!!

What would you want as a present: Lego set or a book series?

Winter

 I went on 2 winter hikes this week. The trail through the forest was perfect - covered in snow that was packed just enough for comfortable walking but still soft and fluffy.

Kids went sledding on the nearby hill. The beauty of having big kids: they can walk there all by themselves and I am OK not supervising them when they are sledding and snowboarding.

I think our pond is frozen enough to allow ice skating. Unfortunately, we are "on the clock" - it is going to get warmer in another day, so if we want to get any ice skating done it has to be today or maybe tomorrow. We'll see if we can manage to squeeze it in... We have a lot of stuff that needs to get done today/tomorrow.

Do you ever go ice skating on local ponds or lakes?

 

Sense of Wonder

It snowed a bit last week. Not too much, but more than just a dusting. 

In the morning, when C and I were walking to the bus stop, our driveway was completely covered in a thin layer of snow - and just for a moment, I grimly thought about needing to clear it, and how I could get some exercise doing it (instead of, say, going for a walk in the park).

And then... And then I looked at it a little closer.

I believe our driveway has seen some action through the night.

 

I see a squirrel. Maybe fox. Definitely deer. There may have been a rabbit in the mix, too (I know I saw one hanging out under a tree behind our house - it must have left paw prints somewhere!).

Was the fox tracking the deer? Or going after the squirrels? Or maybe (hopefully) hunting the rabbit?

This has made my morning - and brought back happy memories from childhood. I never went hunting (and neither did my parents) - but I loved roaming in the nearby forests and fields. I loved trying to identify and follow prints.

It has snowed more since then. It is also way below freezing, and the snow is crunching and crackling under my feet.

Isn't it amazing, that simply looking around and allowing the sense of wonder to take hold can provide such a burst of happiness?

Dear Reader: what is wonder for you?

January '25 News

 

• Big kids have midterms next week.
• There is "the plague" going through the schools - some horrible combination of illnesses that causes fever and vomiting, among other things. 
• My husband has sprained his ankle while away on business trip - he is OK but can't walk around too well.
• C has started cello lessons with a new teacher - and he gave her quite a load of work (like, 3 times more than what she is used to), so she is feeling overwhelmed.
• Our school district pool has been out of commission, which means that H's diving practices have been at a different school (much farther away!!!)
• E is driving (with a permit) - this comes in handy now that my husband is not particularly mobile. Looks like E is going to be his personal chauffer for the next couple of weeks!
• We need to figure out and plan camp schedule for the summer.
• We need to figure out and make travel plans for the summer.
• I do not like planning - so this is making me grouchy.
• H is going to see a gastroenterologist and an endocrinologist. Because she is tiny. People keep thinking that she and C (3.5 years younger) are twins. The endocrinologist might put her on hormones.... I am not thrilled about that. 
• I am also not thrilled that getting this particular human to eat has become an issue (because H is almost never hungry... except when it comes for junky candy).
• E has been missing a lot of running practices (he is in track) - first because he was sick, now because he has so much homework and studying to do before the midterms.
• Life seems OK as long as I don't look at news.
• Parenting is hard. How do I support my kids and their interests? What types of interests do I support (and should this be dictated by time commitment? financial costs? what a particular kid seems to be really into?) How much support do I provide? Where is the line between too much parental involvement and not enough?

Dear Reader: how is your January coming along? What adventures have you had? What are some things you are looking forward to this year?

Weekend Report - Jan 2025

Last weekend felt discombobulated. 

• Our 2 older kids decided to skip going to a high school dance. 
• They went to sleepovers with their friend-groups - and oh my, how that messes up the family dynamics!
• Husband hung up new window shades in H's bedroom.
• One of our kids craves constant social interaction.
• Husband and I went on a short hike - the trails were a bit icy but it was fun! We saw a gorgeous blue heron.
• I watched a few episodes of "White Collar" with kids.
• We meant to play board games but somehow never got around to it.
• My husband left for a work trip.
• I finished "The Authenticity Project" by Clara Pooley - I liked it a lot more than I expected! I was laughing aloud on multiple occasions, prompting raised eyebrows from my family. I really liked getting to know the characters - all of them flawed enough to be relatable and vulnerable enough to be likeable. However, the ending wasn't quite there... I wanted to know more about what happened to everyone ... and the romantic pairing off wasn't something I could buy into without major suspension of disbelief. That said - this was a strong, satisfying read!
• I started "Alien Clay" by Adrian Tchaikovsky. So far, so good. I tried one of his other books a while back, but couldn't stick with it ( I think it was "Children of Time"?). I am still pretty early in the book, but so far, I am really appreciating his descriptions of authoritarian regime (that, among other things, seems to attempt to control scientific progress). In general, anything with alien artifacts, "big brother", and dissidents makes me very curious.
• There was the usually flurry of chores and activities: laundry, rock climbing, cooking, Hebrew School.

I don't like feeling discombobulated. Unfortunately, the discombobulation seems to persist into the week, making me grumpy and tetchy.

Fun List Winter 2024/2025

I like living in a place that has seasons. I think I would get very bored if the weather was the same year-round. 

I do try to think about what type of activities would be fun to do during any given season.

Here is my list for this winter (and progress):

• Baking cookies (not yet)
• Wintery hikes through forest (sort of? went hiking on cold days but there wasn't any snow... will do again)
• Reading in front of the fireplace (have been doing this! but would like to do some read-aloud with kids)
• Family boardgames in front of the fireplace (so far, we played Q-Bitz, Cover Your Assets, Uno... Husband and son played chess. Hope we can play Carcassonne sometime soon.)
• Cross-country skiing (not yet... unlikely)
• Take kids downhill skiing (not yet)
• Sledding (two of our kids did this! One of the kids was home sick... I hope we'll get more snow so we can all go sledding next time!)
• Museums in Philly (Barnes Foundation in December... hope to go again)

Do you have favorite things to do during the cold months?

Books: 2024 Reading Highlights

Favorite books from 2024:

Black Wind, White Snow by Charles Clover

• Nonfiction. A fascinating read on the history of Eurasionism. Sheds light on the current mentality in Russia.
• Intelligentsia in Russia: it's importance and influence.
• Made me look up poets that I haven't thought about in ages: Akhmatova, Mandelshtam.
• I can't remember the exact quote, but one of the things that caught my eye was a description of how seriously poetry was taken in Russia - you could go to jail for it, you could be executed for it.

Beyond by Stephen Walker

• Nonfiction. A well-written account of the space race - end of 1950's and beginning 1960's. I felt transported in time and space.
• While this is solidly nonfiction, the book managed to be an escape - like reading a thriller.
• It was well balanced, sympathetic to the astronauts/cosmonauts of the space race on both the US and USSR side. I learned a lot about the space programs in both countries.

What is Real by Adam Becker

• Nonfiction. Well-written, amusing, non-mathematical history of quantum theory.
• A thought-provoking and mind-bending read about quantum physics.

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

• Solid science fiction. Interesting mentions of superposition, many-worlds, and other aspects of quantum mechanics that had a nice overlap with "What is Real" - I was reading the two books at the same time.
• Themes of career vs family, what is most important, what makes us happy.... and how we often wish for "what ifs" and what we don't have.

Recursion by Blake Crouch

• A strong science fiction book, well-plotted and hard to put down.
• Mind-stretching: the mechanics of the world require some suspension of disberlief, but stick to internal logic.
• Time-travel - but not really (I liked that! I am usually not a fan of time-travel subgenre).

How to be an American Housewife by Margaret Dilloway

• I really liked this book: tender, sensitive depiction of mother-daughter relationship
• Complicated family dynamics in Japan and US - the book felt honest and real

A Line to Kill by Anthony Horowitz

• A fun meta-mystery, where Horowitz is a character in his novel and works with detective Hawthorne.

The Hunter by Tana French

• This was excellent! Well-written, compelling characters that were easy to like
• Good story, good "sense of place" - made me want to go visit...

The Sequel by Jean Hanff Korelitz

• So, so good! The writing was excellent, the main character - sympathetic while being objectively terrible. 
• A bit "meta" - on writing, publishing, etc - but didn't take itself too seriously.
• Asks an interesting question: "what kind of person would be a successful writer?" 

Other books that I enjoyed (a lot) but weren't quite as impactful and fun:

Her Majesty the Queen Investigates series (The Windsor Knot, All the Queens Men, Murder Most Royal) by SJ Bennett

• Very entertaining, pleasant, and relaxing.
• Interesting descriptions of royal life
• Doesn't take itself too seriously
• While fun to read - I have to admit, I don't remember the plot a few months after reading the books.

Persepolis Rising by James S.A. Corey

• Solid science fiction - it was good to see familiar characters and themes from previous books in the Expanse series.
• Relevant themes that made me think of political situation of today - as should be with good sci-fi.

Happy 2025!

It's been quite a winter break - lots of ups and downs. Overall, it was great - we spent a lot of time with family and friends, walked and explored, read, watched movies, played board games.

It's good to be home - even though we've been slammed with piled up laundry and a general state of disarray. 

Life is a mish-mash of happiness, heartbreak, sadness, frustration, fury, curiosity, wonder, and so much more: the only thing missing is balance (I wish!).

Now the kids are all back to school and my husband is sequestered in a different room, working. It feels so unexpectedly peaceful.

Dear readers: Happy 2025! It's a good  number - it is divisible by 5 (one of my favorite numbers) - and the sum of last 2 digits is 7 (another favorite... got to love prime numbers!). Totally meaningless, of course, but hey - I am going to enjoy writing 2025 all year long!