Update

 I feel like celebrating.

The lump turned out to be yet another cyst. So I am good (for now).

The economy may collapse.

The pandemic is raging on without an end in sight.

And yet...

And yet, like my grandparents used to say (and they should know... they lived through World War 2, communism, totalitarian governments, collapse of the USSR, moving to a capitalist society, and numerous other upheavals): the most important thing is for everyone to be alive and healthy. The rest - we will figure it out.

Dear reader: how do you celebrate good news? I feel like I should do something special... 

Lump and Other News

 While on vacation in Vermont, I found a lump on my right side. I have a mammogram and an ultrasound appointment tomorrow. I am nervous (to put it mildly...); I go back and forth from super-anxiety to completely forgetting about it and back to super-anxiety.

As usual, I keep jumping to worse-case-scenarios. I keep thinking... if I get to be alive for another 5 years, my youngest would be 12... In 10 years, our kids will be 17, 21, and 22. There are no guarantees in life - I know I need to enjoy and treasure every day I get. Still, I am terrified of dying and leaving my family vulnerable.

I've had lumps before. Cysts, mostly. Also, a fibroadenoma. But my mind goes to dark, dark places...

In other news: 2 kids are doing soccer camp and are really enjoying it. One kid has a sleepover at my parents.

Next week, we are going to the beach with my husband's family. It's going to be a lot of people sharing 1 house, 1 kitchen, etc, etc. It's stressful to think about, but I thin the kids will have a blast (there will be 8 kids in all, ranging from 3 to 12).

I signed up our gymnastics-loving child for gymnastics lessons in the fall (I told her she will need to wear a mask). The other 2 will probably do soccer. 

We need to get school supplies. I hope to take kids to our local paper-goods store so that they can pick out folders, binders, pencils, and notebooks. If there is anything we can't find there - I'll order it on Amazon.

There are a ton of school-related events in late August... I am excited for our kids who will be starting 2nd, 6th, and 7th grades.

Dear reader, have you ever had an abnormal mammogram? A biopsy? How do you deal with the wait time?

 

Vermont Vacation Report (Brief)

 

• We went kayaking on a beautiful lake.
• We picked and ate wild blueberries.
• We went hiking.
• We picked and then ate wild mushrooms! 
• For complete transparency: I didn't pick any mushrooms but I carried some home. We were out on a walk with  my cousin and his family near the house we rented and there were mushrooms all over the place (but we didn't think to bring any bags or containers with us, so we all ended up carrying piles of mushrooms). 
• My cousin was teaching my kids about edible/inedible mushroom and then he did all the necessary clean-up and cooking.
• We went on a farm and kids played with and petted horses, cows, chickens, donkey, etc, etc.
• We got ice cream.
• We tried lots of local pies, breads, and cookies.
• We went exploring nearby towns and villages (driving through, or walking in the streets).
• We bought LOTS of Vermont maple syrup.
• We checked out ski lifts and learned that they doubled as bike lifts in the summer: mountain biking!!! (Not that I want to try it, but neat!)

It is good to be home... 

Going to Vermont!

 We are leaving for Vermont tomorrow.

As usual:

• We are not packed yet

• We don’t have any specific plans as to what we will be doing there

• We still need to clean up the house (because it’s always better to come back to a somewhat tidy house)

What I did this week? Besides work and shuttling kids to and from camp? Well, funny you should ask… I went to the stores 2 times! I bought (and then returned) hiking boots (too small!). I bought a new skirt, a new dress, a new rain jacket, and spent 10 minutes ogling at stuff at Williams and Sonoma.

I also spent way too much time shopping on-line for birthday presents for H (she needed a desk chair, a backpack, a computer case/binder, a calculator, a daily planner, and a water bottle), random kitchen storage jars (a couple will be for H – she likes this sort of thing), and new soccer cleats for the 2 kids who play soccer. 

At some point this summer, I am going to need to shop for clothing for all 3 kids (because they grow… and their stuff wears out… and I barely bought any clothing for them since the pandemic started…). Meh. 

Shopping is stressful. 

Trips are stressful, too. But usually worth and the work and stress it takes to get ready, pack, and unpack. Plus, this time, H made a list of all the things we need to pack. 

Camp & Adventure

 The kids are in half-day summer camp this week. E is doing golf. C and H are in “Team Games”. They seem to like it well enough (they were bursting with stories about the games they played and kids they met). I am very excited for them – they get to try new things and meet new people. 

I wish there were summer camps for grown-ups (are there?). I would love to try something new for a week: learn how to play gaga, or tennis, or maybe even volleyball. Even if it’s just for a couple of hours each day… But that is exactly the problem, isn’t it? Where do I get those extra 2 hours? Between work, household stuff, kids… I guess it could be done if I took some time off work.

It’s not like I am bored. I have plenty to do (both chores and fun stuff). I have at least some daily leisure time (typically in the evening) – I chose to spend it reading books, or watching movies, or playing the piano. I go on walks – sometimes with kids, sometimes by myself. I go on bike rides. 

It’s just that… I am kind of in the mood for something exciting… something new, something (a little bit) outside the comfort zone.

I feel like a hobbit who is considering going on an adventure: sounds dangerous, so perhaps better stay home… but also sounds fun and exciting… but what about breakfast, elevenses, and lunch?

Dear reader, what is your favorite adventure?

Parenting is Hard Part 2

Parenting is hard.

I am that parent that had to carry a screaming child out of a restaurant.

I am that parent that walked with a stony face on a hiking trail, one kid in a baby carrier, the other one hanging on to my hand and screaming because they were mad at me for refusing to carry them on top of their younger sibling.

I am that parent whose kid ripped their shoes and socks off and ran down the street while I was unloading the other kid and all the stuff from the car.

I am a parent of a kid who climbed on the roof (well, one of those entrance overhang things) while I was helping their sibling get changed after a swim lessons. [I was really surprised no one called the pool management. Or police. Dear Reader, if you see children doing something stupid and unsafe please feel free to yell at them. I feel like if this happened in Russia, the kid would have been yelled at by a grumpy granny. That said, my friends used to climb roofs all the time…]

On the other hand...

I am a parent of a kid who would rather run next to their friend to make them feel better than win a race.

I am a parent of a kid who has an amazing sense of direction and makes sure I don't get lost.

I am a parent of kids who are curious, friendly, and imaginative.

I am a parent of kids who are excited to try new things.

I am a parent who enjoys spending time with the kids.

I am a parent who needs some uninterrupted time to work and do personal things and gets grumpy when kids run in and ask questions every 2 minutes (even when I am in my sacred space – on the toilet!!!).

Parenting is hard (much harder than I anticipated). It is also fun (much more fun than I expected). It is also breathtakingly amazing to see the kids grow. The kids are so beautiful. The kids are so frustrating when they question (my) authority and fight with each other.

Conclusion:

Parenting is hard. I don’t have any answers. Kids are amazing. No one has any answers. We are all doing our best. It may or may not be enough.

Parenting is Hard Part I

It is a well-known but often forgotten fact that parenting is hard. 

If you see our kids quietly browsing books at the library, or obediently following us from point A to point B, please know that it’s but a snippet of reality. If you are ever tempted to be amazed at how obedient and well-behaved our kids are – ha – it’s just an illusion. The stars have aligned just right and at that very moment the kids were indeed on their best behaviour. Our kids are not amazingly obedient or quiet most of the time.

If you see our kids throwing temper tantrums, wining, making demands – please know that’s just a snippet of reality. Our kids are not bratty screaming horrors most of the time. 

If you see me scolding my kids (aka yelling) – please don’t give me a stink eye. Sometimes the kids do unsafe things that freak me out, sometimes I lose my temper because I’ve been sleep deprived, sometimes there are things going on that are not obvious to innocent bystanders.

If you see my kids being polite, helpful, kind, and sweet – please don’t ask me how I did it. Because I didn’t do anything. Or if I did – I have no idea what it was.

Parenting is hard. I have no idea if I am doing it right or wrong. Actually, there are probably a great many things I am doing wrong. I am doing my best – at any given moment in time. I don’t think there is any sort of overall universal parenting wisdom or sage advice that exists… we all have to figure it out, make mistakes, and just hope for the best.

If you think you have a recipe for raising perfect kids – you are so, so wrong. If something works for your family (sleep training, paying for grades, limiting screen time, always being consistent with consequences, giving kids responsibilities) – great, but I guarantee it’s not going to work for everyone. 

Unsolicited parenting advice can be so aggravating. 

Actually, unsolicited opinions on parenting can be equally aggravating.

And yet, sometimes, it can be so, so hard to NOT give unsolicited advice or opinion.... Funny, that....

A Week at the Shore

I am not big on beach vacations. I don’t particularly like sitting in the sun. I don’t love the clean-up after being out in the sand and salt water.

But I do love the feel of the sand under my feet. And I like being in the water (although I tend to get smacked around by waves and swallow what feels like half the Atlantic Ocean). I like walking along the water, in the shallows. I love, love, love digging for sand crabs (it’s all catch-and-release). 

I love watching our kids – jumping in the waves, boogie boarding, catching things (sand crabs, hermit crabs, regular crabs), collecting shells, building sand castles and giant moats.

They caught 52 sand crabs in just about an hour – poor things were all stuffed into a rather small pink bucket with some sand and water. I think they were very happy when they were finally released back into the wild. They also caught quite a few hermit crabs and tried to have a race – but the hermit crabs would not cooperate and all went in different direction.

We also went kayaking and biking. And we had a movie day (“Hook” was excellent – I love Robin Williams). And we went to a bakery, and to a candy store, and to a giant farmers market.

It was a busy week at the shore. I am so glad I am back home.

By the way. Dear reader, if you or your kids tend to get cold in the water and begin to shake uncontrollably after about 10 minutes – wetsuits work really, really well! The water was probably around 69F? So not frigid, but not super warm, either. With wetsuits on, all 3 of our kids (even the ones super sensitive to cold) were able to stay in the water for over an hour. 

Taste of Childhood

 Last week, we stopped by my parents’ house for a quick visit. My dad is doing an amazing job with his garden. There is a jungle of cucumber and tomato plants. Beautiful peas. A ton of dill. Not a weed in sight.

The star of the week, however, was gooseberry.

It started as a mail order error. We ordered a few trees and berry plants from a nursery we’ve been using for the past 5 years. We got everything plus 2 tiny gooseberry plants. We didn’t particularly want gooseberries because they can be carriers for a fungus that kills pine trees, and we have a ton of pine trees around. So, we offered the gooseberry plants to my parents (who don’t have any pines in their yard or nearby).

Three years later, my parents have divided and planted gooseberry bushes all around their yard. For the past couple of months, the kids and I have been eyeing the little green globes attached to those thorny stems – are they ready yet? How about now?

Finally, my dad picked the berries – still not fully ripe, but the birds were beginning to devour them. And oh my, the flavor.

I am not sure how long it has been since I’ve had fresh gooseberries. Possibly, not since we came to the US 27 years ago? They are not popular here, same as black and red currants (mmmm I love red currants). 

Kids loved them, too. 

They are tart, with a flavor that makes me think “fresh!” and “spring!”. I remember my mom brining gooseberries home from the farmers’ market when I was a child – a whole big bag, and we would sort through them, and eat, and eat, and eat. They were some of the earlier berries – earlier than raspberries and blueberries.

Delicious.