Down

Feeling down. Multiple causes include politics, the twisting of the facts by politicians, the chaos caused by the current president, the unbelievable corruption and conflict of interest promoted by the president and his cronies that no one seems to question. 

I've been in the US since 1994. I've been a US citizen since 2000. There are some things I do not like about American values and lifestyle: obsession with sports, obsession with wealth, Disney, fast food, awful bread, awful produce that has no flavor - strawberries, I'm looking at  you!

There are some things I love about the US: accessibility, opportunities, freedom to express ideas, freedom to pursue your passion, diversity, medical care (not talking about the cost, just the quality and what's available), dental care (again, just talking about quality and what's available), opportunities for scientific research in academia, toilet paper in public bathrooms, soap (or hand sanitizer) in public bathrooms, well-maintained parks.

Accessibility in the US is amazing. Buildings have elevators. There are access ramps. Public transportation is accessible to wheelchairs. Crosswalk signals have voice-over. We take these things for granted. If you have a couple of hours - read White on Black by Ruben Gallego. It's short. 

Soon after we moved into our current home, I went shopping at a nearby produce market with 3 very young kids. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a minivan parked diagonally across multiple parking spots. My initial thought - "what a jerk!" As I was getting the kids out of the car seats and strapping the youngest one to myself (the good old days of Ergobaby), I saw one of the doors of the minivan slide open. I wanted to see who had the nerve to take up 3 spots, so I stood there to gawk. 

Like I said - the minivan door slid open. A ramp slid down. All automatic, with no person in sight. Then, there was a lady half-reclined in a motorized wheelchair, zooming out of the store, groceries in the basket of her chair. I barely had time to register the whole thing - but it looked like she only was able to use one of her hands. She zoomed - there is no other way to describe it - through the parking lot, and up the ramp. A minute later, the minivan pulled out and drove away.

I stood there and felt so happy. 

My initial annoyance turned to understanding - she needed to park that way, or there would not have been enough room for the ramp.

Most of us are happy to help someone in a wheelchair, or with limited eyesight, or anyone who clearly needs a bit of extra help to make it in the world that's often not designed to meet their needs.

But oh boy, was I happy to see that lady needing absolutely no help whatsoever. In fact, I suspect if I was  to offer my assistance, under those circumstances, I would have been run over.

Yes, we all need some help sometimes, and yes, it is important to be able to ask for help and receive it. But most of us value our independence, our ability to get things done, our autonomy.

Food for thought: If our current administration dismantles diversity, inclusivity, etc - what's going to happen to accessibility? What's going to happen to the right to human dignity? 

Sleepovers, NYC, and R&R

Well, this was quite a weekend.

It was actually quite relaxing - I really didn't do much. But my family did a lot!

My husband took H to NYC. They went to see "Death Becomes Her", went out for sushi, went to  museums, took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty, and came back home exhausted but happy.

In the meantime, C had a sleepover at my parents' house and spent most of the next day hanging out with them and visiting the nearby farm to pet the goats. After she came home, we drove to pick up pizza and Ethan (who had an all-day rehearsal on Saturday for the upcoming highschool musical - he is playing in "the  pit" with other musicians) and then E's friends came for a sleepover. It was weird how little I needed to do besides making sure there was pizza and something healthy (vegetables! grapes!) to eat. E took care of snacks and desserts. 

Having a bunch of boys who sound like grown-up men in the house is a little cognitive-dissonance-inducing (I've known most of these kids since early elementary school). I pretty much left them be - C and I played board games and worked on a new puzzle. The next morning, E and I made breakfast for everyone, and then the boys chatted for a while (I tried hard not to eavesdrop... except it's hard in our house - the sound carries exceptionally well). There was a discussion of how to get around parental time limits on phones - until E realized that I was within the hearing range of that, and then they proceeded to unconvincingly say how that was not possible with E's outdated model of a phone. There was some talk of girls and dating (I stuffed my ears with cotton or went to read a book with C - one of those things). 

After all the boys left, we had some time to do chores, watch a bit of Pride and Prejudice with C, have in-depth conversations about running with E, work on the puzzle some more, read... And then C went to a friend's house for yet another sleepover. We had terrible wind but luckily did not loose power. My husband and H came home, after train delays and awful traffic because of wind damage. 

I had lots of alone time this weekend, while C was at my parents', H and husband were in NYC, and E was at the rehearsal. It was weird - I didn't have to do anything or be anywhere... I almost took a nap but decided the time would be best spent reading and daydreaming. I barely cooked this weekend. I mused on the change in dynamics when one or more children were not around at night.

On Monday afternoon, my husband and I went for a walk in the park - it was chilly but felt good to get some exercise and catch up.

In the meantime - I feel exhausted by the constant escalating insanity that's our current government. The only way I can stay sane is block out the real-world news and events. But it's a really bad idea to ignore the real-world news and events. But if I keep up with news, I feel hopeless and depressed and can't function as a caring parent. 

How do you set boundaries between being a citizen, a parent, a friend? How do you maintain your integrity?

February Pumpkin and Things

I missed my regular posting time yesterday. I wasn't even that busy - I guess just a combination of procrastination and nothing too exciting happening.

Today is Valentine's Day. Kids got cute cards plus a bit of cash from their grandparents. My husband (with the help of H) got me a couple of cute items from a local store that's shutting down (everything is on sale). I didn't get anything for anyone... I kind of forgot. I kind of forget every year.

I am just not a celebrating-kind-of-person, I guess?

But - because it's Friday and because kids are off from school - I decided to make pumpkin bread this morning. It's in the oven and almost ready to come out. So we have at least a sort-of-celebratory thing to eat. Although I don't know if pumpkin bread really cuts it for Valentine's Day - but we happen to have lots of frozen pumpkin puree...

I started reading The Wanderers by Meg Howrey. I am only a few pages in - love the concept of PIG: Polite, Interested, Good-natured :) I'll be thinking about it every time I get a call from the leadership team at my current company.

This weekend:

• E is planning to have his friends over for a sleepover
• My husband is taking H to NYC
• C is having 2 sleepovers: one night at her grandparents, one night at her friend's house.
• Kids have a 4-day weekend: they are off school both Friday and Monday.
• I am off on Monday - this came as a bit of a shock because I completely forgot we got President's day off!

Things to look forward to:

• Reading
• Board games with C
• Reading aloud to C
• Practicing piano
• Maybe going on a walk 
• C has a chemistry set and an electric circuit set - maybe we can open those up!
• Thinking, daydreaming

What are you looking forward to this weekend?

Weekend Report

 Oof, how is it Tuesday already?

Weekend flew by. C's friends came over for a sleepover on Saturday. Everything went well - they didn't even stay up all that late (maybe 11?) - they played, they talked, they watched a movie... We did Chinese takeout for dinner, per C's request. I made a chocolate cake with sour cream icing again :). We took it easy on Sunday... 

I shouldn't feel so exhausted.

I think this is more of a mental load thing than actual physical fatigue.

I haven't been going on walks.

I have been reading: Before the Coffee Gets Cold. (love it).

Next weekend: E's friends are coming over for a sleepover. My husband and H are going to NYC, so C and I may be doing something together (games? puzzles?) while the boys do their own thing.

How was your weekend? Did you do sleepovers as a kid? This was a totally alien concept to me...

Anger Management

Yesterday, when I was picking up my son after track practice, he hesitated before getting into the car.

"Mom? ...Are you angry?"

I didn't realize I looked angry. 

I explained that I wasn't angry with him (he was relieved). I was furious with the reality that we have a self-absorbed baboon leading the country, making one idiotic "executive order" after another, and that the government (and all of us, let's be honest) - are just stepping aside.  I was specifically furious with Bill Cassidy, a physician, who understands the harm that can come from all the anti-vaccination agenda. He still voted for Kennedy to head the Department of  Health. Isn't there Hippocratic Oath that all doctors take? Or was that thrown out together with justice and fairness? If he took that oath, how can he, in all honesty, vote to install someone that he will know be in position (and of mindset) to cause irreparable harm to our society, our children? 

I am ashamed to be an American.

I am ashamed of our society. I am ashamed of how self-absorbed and inconsiderate we are. I am ashamed of the woman with the MAGA hat on, who was blocking the parking lot at H's rock climbing gym the other day, just sitting in her car (I guess she was making the parking lot great again???) - there were parking spots, even handicapped parking spots, that she could have pulled into.....

I am ashamed that we are doing the opposite of Tikkun Olam (repairing the world). We are hurting the world.

Political stability is not to be taken for granted.

Will the United States collapse and cease to exist?

Who is benefitting from the current chaos in the US government?

As citizens, should we be managing our anger while witnessing the hostile takeover of the government? One of my husband's colleagues said this was like the Cultural Revolution.

Dear readers: I am going to ask for 3 things.

1. Please maintain your integrity. Don't go along with something you know is wrong, or is a lie, just because it's easier.

2. Write poetry - make fun of the current regime.

3. Do not look away. When your neighbors are being deported, when your friends' children are being discriminated against, when those who dare to speak up are arrested - DO. NOT. LOOK. AWAY.

February Birthday and Other News

My youngest child just turned 11.

I swear, the birthdays are the most stressful things ever! Somehow, we end up with multiple celebrations and cakes. Last weekend, we celebrated with family (grandparents, cousins, aunt and uncle). Yesterday, we celebrated because it was her actual birthday: we did an interview, asking her about her favorite things and the like, she opened presents from parents and siblings, we had a dance party, and there was a piece of cake leftover from Saturday that we stuck a candle into. Next weekend, we'll be celebrating with friends. I don't know how this happened - I got talked into hosting a sleepover. It's only 3 friends, so I am hoping that it will all be relatively tame.

It's sometimes hard, finding that balance between making the day special for the birthday kid while not becoming completely overwhelmed and going bonkers. I have to admit, yesterday I had maybe 10 minutes of bonkers time, because a) needed to make a special dinner that C requested, b) needed to work, c) needed to pick up E after a school rehearsal, and d) needed to take 2 kids to 2 different music lessons - so of course everything was happening all at once and I lost my temper with my husband because at 5:30 pm, I was running around like a chicken without a head and he wasn't there to help out (he was in the bedroom, working). He still has the boot so he can't drive or run around doing errands, so I don't know exactly what I wanted from him (emotional support, I guess?) - I felt pretty bad afterwards about loosing my temper. Note to self - tell husband ahead of time how he can help. Also, prep dinner stuff way ahead of time instead of leaving it for the last minute and getting all stressed out about fish not cooking fast enough.

Other than that, everything was good - kids behaved (maybe because they saw I would explode if they gave me a hard time), birthday girl was thrilled about her special breakfast (she was really hoping I would make an apple souffle for her - and I did!), she liked the fish I made for dinner (Brussel sprouts were a bit of a fail, but sweet potato that she asked for wasfine). We made it 5 min late to the piano lesson and on-time for cello lesson.

In other news: 

• E's county orchestra had a concert on Sunday (program included Capriccio Espagnol by Rimsky-Korsakov - such a fun piece). 
• It's warm outside - so I am reluctant to go to the park because everything is going to be mud and puddles.
• H has been invited to join the highschool Envirothon Team.
• My husband made plans to take H to NYC in a little over a week - hopefully his foot will be better by then.
• While husband and H are in NYC, the plan is to host E's friends for a sleepover

Do you have any birthday traditions?