Aggravation

I feel like complaining.  

There are some things that really aggravate me right now. Or, as an old friend used to say, merging “aggravate” and “cause grief”: aggriviate.

People not putting stuff back (scissors, tape, books) – ugh, that really aggriviates me. This morning, I was opening a new honey jar, and I needed a pair of scissors to cut the tape around the lid. The scissors, which have a home in a very specific location in a very specific kitchen drawer were not there. Again. That made me so mad!!! (didn’t help that I haven’t had breakfast yet – I do get terribly irate when I’m hungry)

There are books lying randomly all over the house. In kids’ rooms, on the sofa, on the armchair, on the floor, on the kitchen table, on the phone table… OK, at least 2 of those are mine, so I am as guilty as the rest of my family. Still, aggravating.

Also, there is dust. Everywhere. I hate dusting. Dust aggravates me, but dusting is just not happening in the near future. Sometimes, I make the kids do it, but they leave a lot of dust behind. And they never dust under things. 

1001 dishes, bowls, cups, glasses that get used up and are left all over the place. Seriously, how many different variations on a bowl do I need to wash every day? Kids are always hungry (which is normal and good, I suppose), they always get snacks (sometimes even healthy snacks, like fruit), but they always get 1001 things dirty in the process (do they really need to get a knife, cutting board, and bowl every time they have an apple or a plum or a cheese sandwich? And then just leave it on the table, all dirty and sticky? So aggriviating.

It’s the little things that get to be super annoying. Looking back, it’s easy to laugh and say “I can’t believe THAT silly little thing made me angry. Clearly, it was the lack of chocolate in my diet that’s making me cranky.” 

A lot of the time, I can ignore the little annoying things. But every once in a while, they build up and take over and then it’s all that I can see – the things that aggravate me. 

Sometimes, complaining makes me feel slightly less aggravated.

But not always.

Pests

 My husband and I have spent the morning netting things around the yard. We netted the grapes. We netted some of the boysenberries (need to finish that up later today). 

We have a number of aggravating pests. Cat birds – these things have no shame. They are so rude! Often, they’ll sit above us on the tree while we are eating outside, yelling insults. As soon as we leave – they swoop down, looking for scraps of food, diving into bowls if any are left out. They ate all the boysenberries last year – we didn’t get to have any ripe ones at all. They don’t seem to mind ribbons that are supposed to scare away birds. They manage to get under the netting. In one word: pests.

Then, there are the deer. Just the other day, they got into the yard and ate all our lilies. They also munched on the grape leaves. Somehow, they missed the actual bunches of grapes (all they had to do was raise their head a bit… but nope, luckily, they just kept on chewing what was right in front of their noses).

Last year, we got our first bunches of grapes – we were waiting patiently for them to ripen, and finally they were ready to be picked. I said “let’s give them just one more day”. Next morning – they were gone, the netting and the vine all a tangle mess. Deer!!! I don’t think the kids have entirely forgiven me for that.

Also, there are squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, and groundhogs. For a few years, we had a giant resident groundhog. It had a hidey hole among the azaleas. We would find it climbing the mulberry tree (crazy – I know, but I have photos as proof!), getting into our compost pile, and, generally, marching around the yard like it was some fat corrupt army general. 

Our neighbors also have a groundhog, but it’s a much smaller one. Sometimes, it comes over for a visit. One morning, I found it sitting in a bucket where we dump the kitchen scraps (we left it outside). The thing was staring at me, rather shocked that I interrupted its meal. Our groundhog never did that – it was probably too fat to fit into the bucket. I think our groundhog is gone, though. We haven’t seen it since fall. Either dead or moved on to another property (maybe it got fed up with kids chasing it). 

I have fantasies of getting a big dog that will roam around the back yard and chase away the pests (yeah I know, it will also dig and poop all over the place). Or, perhaps, a very large cat would do the job? I am more likely to get a cat than a dog. Apparently, there are also “guard geese” that can chase away or warn about predators. Hmmm… 

Summer, Ice Cream, and Berries

 It’s summer break for kids while my husband and I are still working. It creates a bit of a dissonance. Because kids want to do things, go places, and we are stuck saying “Sorry! We have to work! Go play.” One of my kids has been asking if I have ever considered becoming a teacher. Because teachers can take summers off!!! (nope, don’t want to be a teacher, even if it means summers off*).

We celebrated the end of the school year last week by going to a local ice cream shop. We met up with another family and watched our kids devour their ice cream cones in a park (sticky drips, sticky hands, sticky faces… ah-h-h, childhood). Our older daughter, who usually struggles to finish desserts, was able to eat her entire “small-sized” (2 scoops! In a giant cone!) treat all by herself. I think that’s a first. When I asked if it was good, she said “It was OK… not as good as the one at the farmers market.” 

This summer, we decided to re-join our local pool. We didn’t go at all last summer (because of you-know-what), but some of us (3/5) are now fully vaccinated and we are hoping that if we go early in the day, the pool will not be crowded. We went Saturday a little after 10 – and we were the only family there (it is a very small pool). Around 11, more people came, but it still didn’t feel crowded because they were all young families with kids hanging out in the baby pool or at the shallow end. We left around 12, feeling very happy with ourselves. Our son no longer needs to pass the deep-end test (it is only for kids under 12), our older daughter was able to pass on her first try, and the youngest is trying very hard to keep up with her siblings in and out of the water (she is going to need a few days to regain her swimming skills).

Yesterday was Father’s Day – we had a nice low-key celebration with lots of delicious food. We went to the farmers market in the morning and got some local produce. I love fresh food! The cherries are full of flavor, the strawberries and blueberries taste like actual strawberries and blueberries (instead of the weird lack of flavor in berries we sometimes get at the store, which make me wonder if I have lost my sense of taste). My husband grilled, I made fresh salads, and we had the ice cream from the market that the kids like so much (this time, we got chocolate and rhubarb-strawberry crisp flavors… so rich I can only have a tiny bit at a time).

The kids found a couple of early black raspberries in our yard (not planted, just wild-growing) – we each got to eat a berry. We are all eyeing our boysenberries, raspberries, blueberries, and wild blackberries with great anticipation… Hopefully we’ll get at least a few (birds and chipmunks like our berries, too… maybe we should net the bushes). 

Dear reader, do you have a favorite berry? When I was a kid, I was crazy about wild raspberries. Now, I think I am a little more partial to blueberries (wild are great, but I’ll take the farmed ones, too, as long as they freshly picked – or I get to pick them myself).

*I'd be awful... 

School is Out

 Today is the  last day of (virtual) school. Even though our district opened up schools, first in a hybrid mode (in the fall) and then fully Monday-Thursday (in the spring), we made the decision to stick with the virtual learning. It wasn’t all smooth sailing and it certainly wasn’t perfect. I wouldn’t want our kids to do that again any time soon… But it worked out OK. 

Our youngest (7) has finished 1st grade. She is reading chapter books! To put things into perspective, at the beginning of the school year, she was grumpily getting through the 1-line-a-page books (level D, maybe?). Reading was hard and not even close to being fun. Now – she reads in bed, in the car, on the sofa, in the hammock outside… whipping through A-Z Mysteries, Horrible Harry, Fancy Nancy, and even trying out Harry Potter. She is doing well in math, she is curious, and she has an impressive vocabulary and can express her thoughts very well.

The older daughter (10) is doing great. Especially in math. I am getting a bit concerned that she is going to be bored in her 6th grade math class next year (because our oldest is in 6th grade now and his math is not particularly challenging…) She also reads a lot. She loves Ruby Redford books. She loves to bake. She is also very, very organized (not in terms of her possessions, but inside her head). With this child, I haven’t had to ask if she missed any assignments, or forgot to turn something in, or if she has homework that still needs to be done… she is on top of all the school stuff. She is also on top of some of my stuff, which can be slightly annoying at times (she makes lists for parties and trips… I am not big on lists…).

Our oldest (12) has finished his first year of middle school! Virtual middle school was no joke… There were struggles – not academically, but in terms of staying focused (ahem, youtube) and remembering to complete and turn in assignments that were “due”. There were some classes and teachers he loved (STEM, History). He got good grades (mostly… except for one bombed babysitting assignment for Home Econ). He did OK in accelerated math – although I am not sure how much he retained… The teachers were teaching both virtual and in-class students at the same time – a situation that’s super challenging for both the teachers and the students… Still, he has learned, he persevered, and he is very excited about doing the real thing next year in 7th grade.

Now the transition to summer begins… and transitions are the worst. Kids are bickering downstairs about legos, lunch, and goodness knows what else. I am shutting my door and letting them figure it out. 

Weekend Report

 Busy, busy weekend. There was lots of yardwork, some cooking, some baking… no cleaning (who wants to scrub kitchen and bathrooms? Oops, no one).

The kids and I went to the Farmers Market. Turnips are amazing. Also, cherries – I think these may have been the best sweet cherries I’ve ever had. We tried a new ice cream vendor at the market (very rich, too sweet for me, but flavors were good). We bought some exotic bagels. We also bought some very exotic cheese. 

Kids wanted me to buy some exotic mushrooms, too, but I figured maybe next time, after I look up some recipes and have a better idea of what to look for.

The 7-year old, after staring at the mushrooms very intently, asked (super-serious, furrowed brow and all): “Are these all edible?” There was an awkward pause, then the mushroom guy nodded and said “I wouldn’t sell the other kind”. Kids seemed satisfied with the response.

We planted a couple of cucumber plants from my dad. We also put up a trellis-like thingy in the garden because Hannah beans have sprouted and will need support.

Peas are almost done. Lettuce is still going, and so is kale (although something – slugs? – keeps chewing up the leaves).

Kids got me to play “Hero Quest” board game that the grandparents brought over a few weeks ago. Not my thing. The possibility of being killed by goblins or demons is super stressful. I need to get over myself – really, what a wimp, it’s only a game – and I think I could learn to enjoy it once I get over this stupid anxiety. (The avatar death-anxiety is probably why I never got into video games except for Myst-like stuff, where you don’t die).

Sunday night, I felt so tired I could barely move. Ugh, I need more sleep.

Escapism and Non-Fiction

 I want chickens and fresh eggs. I also really want to have a giant orchard with apple, pear, and apricot trees. And I would love some blueberry, gooseberry, and red currant bushes. And while we are at it, lets add raspberry to the list, too. I really want to be able to go out to the garden and pick a nice fat cabbage. And cucumbers. And, oh, lets throw in a goat, too, because they can munch on shrubs and weeds, you could milk it, and goats are cute. Stinky, but cute. And you can use their poo in the garden.

As they say in Russia, “hotet’ ne vredno”. Which translates, approximately as “no harm in wanting things”, delivered with a healthy dose of sarcasm and, possibly, a derisive snort somewhere in there, too.

I don’t particularly like gardening  – it’s hard, hard work and I prefer to spend my leisure time with a book (yes, I am lazy like that). Also, I like the freedom to travel and see new places any time I feel like it, which is very hard to do if you have an abundant garden (which requires lots so hard work) and chickens, goats and other animals (which also require lots of hard work). 

When I read, I usually prefer fiction, because I want an opportunity to escape and be someplace else for a little while (especially when I am stressed and tired). I want to be transported somewhere different, I want to be solving mysteries and discovering things full of wonder. 

I am discovering that, sometimes, nonfiction can be just as good at providing an escape. Because I am reading Barbara Kingsolver’s “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” – and yes, it’s a little preachy in places, and I find myself rolling my eyes every so often, but I can’t wait to be able to pick up the book whenever I have a few minutes to spare. I am ear-marking the pages so that I can go back and read fun stuff to my kids. I am making my husband check how expensive it would be to mail-order chicks (no, I am not actually buying chicks – this is just pure daydreaming and escapism). I am looking up local farms where I can buy fresh produce. I am nodding my head excitedly when I go through pages and pages about why it’s better to buy local produce that’s in season and why store-bought tomatoes taste like… nothing. 

I am in a good spot for this book– our family cooks most meals, we try to stick to simple healthy ingredients, we go to the farmers market almost every week, and we do our best to buy what’s in-season. We grow a couple of things in our garden – but that’s not a serious source of food for us, more like fun snacks or supplements for the salad (we did get really nice lettuce and kale this year). Kingsolver meets me where I am, and then she invites me to come along for a ride to see if I can do just a little more. And it is so much fun! 

Have you ever had chickens? How much work is it? (No, I am not getting chickens. Definitely, not getting chickens, no way).

Alive

 I’ve been thinking about death. It’s not that I particularly want to think about it. I’ve been looking for uplifting, feel-good books to read. And I happened upon, in close succession: Welcome to the Pine Away Motel and Cabins (by Katarina Bivald) and A Man Called Ove (Fredrick Backman). And what is it about Swedish authors and death fixation? I mean, the books (especially Backman’s) are great, and they are somehow uplifting and hopeful, in spite of (or because of?) being very much about death, dying, suffering, and eternal darkness (no, not really, but it is Swedish winter in Backman’s book and Bivald’s book is set in Oregon, and it is overcast a lot… so yeah, cold and dark or cold and rainy).

And then, my son and I watched The Arrival (based on “The Story of Your Life” by Ted Chiang). More death, futility, and the future is set in stone, so what’s the point of it all? And yet, somehow, there is a sense of hope and wonder.

I’ve been thinking about life – because thinking about death kind of forces you to think about life, too. 

Death is inevitable. We all know it’s coming.

As Backman wrote in “The Man Called Ove”: 

Death is a strange thing. People live their whole lives as if it does not exist, and yet it’s often one of the great motivations for living. Some of us, in time, become so conscious of it that we live harder, more obstinately, with more fury. Some need its constant presence to even be aware of its antithesis. Others become so preoccupied with it that they go into the waiting room long before it has announced its arrival.

The real question is – am I going to live life as much as I can, do things, be ALIVE? Or am I going to be, like Backman puts it, in the death’s waiting room, always waiting, always fearful?

I tend to do the latter – I dwell on death and how it will rob me of my kids (and my kids of me). Because (as we all know) in a blink of an eye, it could all be snatched away.

Thinking about death makes me remember that I really like being alive. I want to make sure I don’t forget it. Because it is easy to forget – with all the stress, anxieties, temper tantrums, sleep deprivation, health problems and the rest of the normal life stuff – it is so, so easy to forget that I need to enjoy this. That I need to be alive.

Dear reader – you are alive. Look around. Breathe in, breathe out. Our world is a sad, messed up place. Our world is a beautiful place full of wonder and possibilities. Shalom. May peace be with you.

Summer Hopes

 I am not calling this blog post “Summer Plans” because we all know what can happen to plans… that’s right, they go down the drain!!!

Our summer is shaping up. We are getting together with friends in late June to go to the shore. We are going to Vermont for a week in July (just our family). We are getting together with my husband’s family in early August for a week-long stay at the beach. Two kids are signed up for soccer camp. There is a good chance that all 3 kids will stay with their grandparents for a week (“camp grandma and grandpa”).

I am trying to figure out what type of activities we are OK with and what stuff we are going to try and avoid. 

We will do hikes, beach (away from crowds), biking, outdoor ice cream shops, berry picking, outdoor get-togethers with friends. I am hoping to be able to take kids to the library and bookshops, if the community covid-19 spread is low. We will keep going to our local outdoor farmers market. 

I would like to take our older daughter clothing shopping (she needs to try stuff on to make sure it fits!) and kitchen/bath stuff shopping (but we will not go into super-busy stores). I’d like to take all 3 kids to the local Lego store (if it’s not too busy…). I would like to take our son clothing shopping (because he is almost a teenager and is becoming more opinionated about style/color, etc).

We will do our best to avoid crowded places, indoor dining, amusement parks, concert halls, movie theaters, and busy shopping malls.

I think my husband and I need to do something special, just the two of us. Our family is not big on romance stuff and I can’t say it’s something I really want to do. I do believe we need it, though – something for just the two of us. Something enjoyable and relaxing to make us feel special and connected. 

(Don’t want to go out for dinner, don’t want to go on walks…)

Dear reader, do you have any suggestion for romantic (but not too romantic) things to do for 2 introverts?

Memorial Day Weekend Report

We were hoping to be somewhere else for the Memorial Day weekend. Like, anywhere but not home. I think all of us felt the need to go someplace new. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out (for multiple very reasonable reasons). 

We still managed a decent long weekend, even though the weather was cold and rainy for the most part. We tried to do something each day.

Saturday. We went to Colonial Plantation at the near-by park, complete with dressed-up volunteers talking about history, a historic gun exhibit, and farm animals. Farm animals were a hit. Kids loved petting the horse and the ox. The turkey was hilarious (very self-important and gobbling non-stop). The pig and the piglets were cute. There were also free-roaming sheep, a few chickens, domestic geese, and a black cat.

Guns were somewhat less interesting. There was also a “sortie” – where the house-owners were defending their home, all that with lots of shouting, guns firing, smoke rising, etc, etc. All the kids commented that guns were loud and they didn’t like that. Our son wants to go to a battle re-enactment (there are a bunch happening in our area) – perhaps I should make sure to pack ear plugs.

The 1700’s kitchen was awesome… both my husband and I loved the giant walk-in fireplace (with a bread oven!). Perhaps one day, we will buy a historic property with a fireplace like that (we actually went to see one, years ago, but it was out of our price range at the time, and the size of the property was beyond what we could manage… but maybe someday…)

Sunday. Husband took the kids fishing. They were gone for hours! I was worried but I also absolutely loved being able to do stuff without interruptions (it’s been a VERY long time since I’ve been home alone). I practiced the piano – and no one came to tell me it was their turn now, or that they didn’t like the piece I was playing. They finally came home – frozen, wet, and with no fish. But they had fun.

Monday. We had lunch with my parents at our place. The weather was perfect and the back yard was beautiful.

Somewhere in-between those things: we read (a lot… kids tore through at least 2 books each and I got half-way through The Man Called Ove and finished Echo Wife), kids watched a movie, kids fought and nagged and argued, we lost our temper, I played duets with E (piano+violin), we recorded the girls piano programs for the Piano Guild (multiple takes, some tears, so glad that’s done and uploaded!), we baked (H baked cookies and I baked beet bread and carrot muffins), and I went on a solo late-night walk in the dark.

Not bad for a stay-at-home weekend.