Of Dread and Horror

I am kind of dreading Halloween.

I am not big on decorations. I don't particularly enjoy figuring out costumes. And I certainly don't enjoy the candy overload that comes with Halloween each year. 

And while I think babies-to-elementary school kids in costumes are adorable, I am not particularly fond of teens who raid our candy bowl. Last year, they actually stole the bowl.

We have 2 teens in the house. At least one of them is full-set on going trick-or-treating with friends. I am told that "You can't stop me!"

Um, yes, I can. 

There are other ways our teens can have fun on Halloween. 

All that aside, I think I could enjoy reading a creepy book or watching a moderately scary movie (not too much gore, please) with the family. Maybe that would even make me feel less dreadful about Halloween. 

Any recommendations?

On my list (to be watched with the big kids)

• Nightmare on Elm street (I've never seen it)
• Sixth Sense 
• Alien (I've seen bits and pieces but never beginning-to-end)
• Nosferatu (the old silent film; this also would be a new one for me)
• Psycho
• Signs

For Halloween, do you welcome trick-or-treaters and give out candy? Or do you leave a bowl full of candy on your porch? Or do you turn out the lights and pretend no one is home?

Sick

Ugh.

Not feeling great.

My husband is back from his trip but he is also sick.

Objectively, all is OK and will be even better after we get over this bug.

What Plans No Plans

Didn't I just say that I was going to keep this week as easy as possible, minimizing the need to drive people to multiple activities while my husband is away? I distinctly remember making the plan to skip swimming on Tuesday, and take C to swim practice on Wednesday and Friday.

Ha. Ha-ha. This is why I hate planning.

I got an email from the swim coach on Monday - there were to be no practices on Wednesday and Friday. So. The *easy* thing to do was to skip swimming this week altogether. It is one of those things - a choice, a margin, a completely optional activity -  there is no consequence whatsoever if C skips a week of swim practice. But... I felt so bad that she would miss the entire week - she likes swimming, and she was really improving her freestyle stroke last week, and I was worried that she would forget all she has learned without a chance to practice it at least once this week. I am sighing and shaking my head as I'm writing this - why is is that I feel compelled to pretty much bend backwards for things that are kind of trivial and optional? And then I complain about feeling overwhelmed and needing to be in 5 places all at once... Seriously, no idea what's wrong with me. I mean, if it was someone else in the same situation - I would be totally like "DON'T DO IT". But, anyway, Monday afternoon, I was frantically texting people with kids doing swimming on the same day as C to try and find a ride home for her...

Bottom line: it all worked out. Tuesday we hectic, but we managed to fit it all in: E's cross-country meet, a very rushed dinner, dropping C off at swim practice on the way to E's orchestra rehearsal (a friend would be giving her a ride home), E's orchestra rehearsal.... and let's not forget a full day of work and getting dinner ready. C and H, as far as I know, did all their homework and practiced while I was away. H helped with dinner prep and did some of the dinner dishes.

How do you manage unexpected change of plans? Do you have contingencies for multiple scenarios?

That Nagging Feeling

I have a nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something important.

It's like an unpleasant tickle at the back of my brain - there must be something I am missing, some supporting piece of my life that is all wobbly and about to fall out, bringing the whole structure down.

My husband is away most of this week, so not much margin for error on my part when it comes to keeping life on-track.

My son's birthday is coming up, and his present is running late (with no estimated date of delivery). Also, I need to figure out what to do for celebratory breakfast and dinner (the birthday boy asks for the same things every year - Dutch baby for breakfast and beef stew for dinner... and while the beef strew can be made the day before as long as I manage to swing by a store to buy beef and potatoes, the Dutch baby would have to be made around 5:30 in the morning, and I am just not sure about that...). We are also having Carrot Cake Drama. We are having family over on Sunday, so I was planning to make a big carrot cake (his favorite) to celebrate E's 16. Shockingly (or not?), he also wants a cake on his actual birthday. I mean, I kind of get it... but also don't really have time to make 2 cakes. I guess I can buy something pre-made? 

It's my own fault, really. I have set a precedent with other kids' birthdays and multiple cakes because we often have multiple celebrations with just us, the extended family, and with friends - but this week is a little extra stressful with the whole solo-parenting thing. 

I think I need to simplify life as much as possible this week and, tempting as it may be, not be overly ambitious with juggling multiple pieces.

Do you have any birthday traditions that work well for you?

September 2024 Life

We are somewhat in a survival mode. Everyone is getting fed and getting to/from school and various activities; there is work, homework, laundry, and a couple of critical household tasks (like food shopping and cooking). There hasn't been much else...

Highlights of September (so far):

• All kids started school (5th, 9th, 10th grades). They all like their teachers and classes and seem to be pretty happy overall. 
• The highschoolers have a horribly early departure - their bus comes at 6:35am. We could drive them later (like, 7am), but that would make mornings more busy and stressful for the parents - so we don't. No "parents of the year" award here.
• Two of the kids are full-on in activities (the oldest has violin lessons, youth orchestra, and cross country team; the youngest has cello lessons, soccer, and swimming).
• The middle kid is feeling left out as far as activities go - she only has piano lessons right now. But she'll be starting rock climbing team in October and I'm hoping she'll join school clubs.
• We had 2 cross country meets so far this season - I only was able to go to one of those (E did very well! He was happy with his time and I got a chance to see him with his team mates and chat with other parents. And the weather was beautiful, so all-in-all a very enjoyable way to spend Saturday morning).
• C started "proper" swimming practices after many-many years of only unstructured fun swimming. She did swim lessons before the pandemic and was ready to join the pre-team, and then things just went pear-shape and we lost momentum with swimming and just never got back to it. Which was a pity because C really liked swimming. 
• She is only doing swimming twice a week, so that she can learn proper technique and build strength. The coach initially suggested the training team with practices 4 times a week (she really wanted to do it!) - but we can't. Just can't. Twice a week is hard enough. We can see how things go and then re-evaluate as needed.
• E has a decent amount of homework. Combined with XC daily practices, races, orchestra rehearsal, daily violin practice - he is staying up later than he should to finish it up. I hope he figures out a way to manage his time and get more work done while he is at school (he has about half an hour in the morning before classes start and half an hour after school/before XC practice that he probably could put to good use... )
• We went to our local arboretum a couple of times - for a brief hike and also for a quick picnic. 
• I've been going on late evening walks with my husband a couple of times a week.
• Took my parents to an Uzbekistan restaurant for dad's birthday and went to Bell's market to stock up on Russian food (Borodinsky bread, pickled cabbage, pryaniki/ginger cakes, sweets) - this is all about an hour drive from where we live, so doesn't happen too often.

Failures (so far):

• Garden is a disaster
• Deer are eating everything (even stuff that's supposed to be toxic to deer)
• Kitchen renovation project has stalled
• Laundry room renovation has stalled
• Dark brown walls in our hall (just as you enter the house) are driving me bonkers. When we bought the house more than 10 years ago, I was like "ok, a little dark, easy enough to repaint". Well - we haven't gotten around to it yet...
• Birthday planning for my son's 16th birthday (next week!!!) - yeah, hasn't happened yet. But I'm outsourcing the friend-party to him. He can organize and figure out when to invite people over.
• Grown-up social life - non-existent.
• Vacation and travel planning - nope.
• Organizing and making our house feel more zen and less chaotic - nope.
• Weekend adventures - need more work here, planning fun outings and exploring (we did some... but it all felt kind of rushed)
• Figuring out carpool options for kids activities (we know a few families who go to the same swim place - I can probably reach out and see if we can take turns driving kids)

Coming up:

• My husband will be away in Germany next week, so solo parenting for me. I think I have most of the logistics figured out for what to skip and what to keep in terms of kid activities.
• Example: next Tuesday, skipping C's swimming (can make up on Friday), skipping high school back-to-school night (unfortunately... I was really looking forward to meeting the teachers), taking E to orchestra rehearsal (~35 min drive each way, will not be back until close to 10)
• Need to talk to a couple more people about kitchen renovation and get estimates
• This Saturday, E has a "home" XC race at his high school AND an orchestra retreat. 
• We will be going to 2 Bar/Bat Mitzvahs this month

Does it seem like this post is discombobulated and all over the place? (YES)

What are your favorite weekend adventures?

Cinderella on the Stairs, I Spy the Three Bears*

Cinderella has been on my mind lately. Not sure why.

Not my favorite story. 

Really, what is this weirdness with small feet? Is that supposed to be a measure of one's femininity? Or is it symbolic in some other way? I guess the story uses shoe size as a sort of ID kit. The glass slippers Cinderella has are so tiny that they only fit her amazingly diminutive feet. Her mean stepsisters are on the opposite side of the spectrum and have enormous feet. They are quickly identified as imposters when (even after resorting to self-mutilation) they are unable to keep Cinderella's tiny shoes on, forever losing their chance to marry the prince.

Why didn't the story go "Cinderella was a kind-hearted, hard-working girl who had unusually large feet." After the prince finds the rather large glass slipper, he can go traipsing around the countryside, searching for the girl who has feet big enough that she can walk around in those slippers without tripping over herself or loosing the shoes. When he finally comes across Cinderella's stepsisters, they will, of course, insist that the slipper is theirs. The older one will try it on - but it's clearly too big, and she stumbles and falls down the stairs, breaking her neck. The next stepsister rips the slipper off her dead sister's foot, but it is, as we well know, too big for her as well. She manages to walk in it for half a minute, her foot wobbling and sliding around the too-big slipper, and then she ungracefully trips over her own skirt and falls out of a window, plummeting to her death. Our heroine modestly steps out of the kitchen carrying the matching slipper, and after the prince's assistant runs outside to retrieve the first slipper, puts both on, waltzing around the room, and ending up in prince's arms. Kisses, roses, etc, etc. 

I have other (multiple) grievances with the story in it's multiple iterations.

The prince in the Russian version of the movie has the personality of a slug. His father, the king, may be deranged (or just exceedingly odd). Cinderella's father is an idiot and a coward. Cinderella herself is oxymoronic - she seems to have a strong personality but at the same time everyone walks all over her. The only ray of sunshine in the movie is the Stepmother (Faina Ranevskaya) - she manages to play a character that is absolutely repulsive but you can't take your eyes off her. (But I didn't appreciate her until I saw the movie as an adult)

Disney version of Cinderella - ugh, what is it with the mice? Why do boy mice have no pants? I am sorry, I just can't get over that.

Oh, and by the way, let's look at the advice the Fairy Godmother keeps giving Cinderella: do not  let the prince see you as you really are! Hide behind the magic, the illusions, the lie. Be back by midnight or the prince will see the real you (and will run away crying).

Healthy start to a relationship, isn't it?

Like I said, not my favorite story.

Is there a fairy tale that just keeps rubbing you the wrong way?

*Each Peach Pear Plum by Alan Ahlberg. 

Family Values Part II (When Values Collide)

Family Values:

1. Spend time together as a family!!!!

• Eat meals together
• Cook together
• Play board games together
• Go on hikes, bike rides, kayaking
• Go sightseeing and museums 
• Travel together
• Visit grandparents, great-grandmother, and cousins

2. Have a life that's enjoyable:

• Minimize stress
• Focus on each other (1:1 time)
• Get plenty of rest (early bedtimes)
• Socialize with friends
• Alone time
• Exercise
• Go to concerts
• Travel
• Cook and eat healthy food

3. Do something useful

• Participate in our community (volunteering)
• Help out at school and synagogue
• Clean the house, do the laundry, etc

4. Encourage and support kids in school, music, sports, and other activities (and help organize stuff)

• E: running (cross country and track), violin, youth orchestra, (plus possibly school clubs)
• H: rock climbing, piano, teacher helper at Hebrew School (plus probably school clubs, maybe diving, maybe track)
• C: soccer, cello, swimming, Hebrew School (plus probably school clubs later in the year)
• School work support, homework help as needed
• Encourage kids and have conversations about college, financial aide, careers
• Help kids explore and find internships, summer jobs, etc
• Enables kids to explore the world (travel, museums, historic sites) and encourage the sense of wonder.

The problem with the above values is that all too often they contradict each other. For example, eating meals together does not go too well with multiple kids being in multiple schools, sports, music, etc. 

Example: Tuesday afternoon.

4:45 - warm up dinner while finishing up work

4:50 - tell the girls to set the table - I'm still working

4:55 - girls did NOT set the tables; I am annoyed

4:57 - E called - he is done with cross country practice; ladle the soup for C and H and ask them to serve themselves chicken and squash.

5pm - go pick up E from cross country practice.

5:15pm - back with E; girls are done eating (except - did they actually eat much? no idea)

5:20 - sit down to eat with E; girls join us and we chat about the day for a few minutes

5:25 - tell C to get into her swim suit and get her stuff ready

5:35 - leave with C for swim practice; husband gets home (he'll be taking E to youth orchestra rehearsal this evening).

So.... yes, kids got to and/from their activities. Everyone got fed (more or less). But things were rushed (why is it that work explodes at 4:30 pm and there are 1000 things to do?) and I felt frazzled. We didn't really get a chance to all sit down and talk at the table... it was more of conversations snippets here and there. So while some of the values are being upheld, other values are broken (including "minimize stress").

Perhaps I should print out my current Values List and do tally marks - just to see what we actually get to implement and how often... Perhaps the Values will need a personality adjustment. Or perhaps I will need to change the way I do things. 

How do you resolve conflicting priorities and values? Do you have a hierarchy of values?

September 2024 - Do Not Press Fast Forward

Today was the first day of school for C (5th grade) and H (9th grade). I feel like there is the "now" - first day of school, full of excitement and joy. And then it's as if someone presses "fast forward" button - all of a sudden, we will be half way through the year... and then fast-forward some more and the school year will be over, and I will no longer have an elementary school kid.

I do not want the fast-forward version of life. I want to dwell in the moment, I want to have a chance to get bored of the now, I want to hold on to my kids' childhoods. I want to pay attention to every step during the morning walk to the school bus. I want to remember what the kids are excited about when they come home from school.

I want my life to be more like a Tarkovsky film - moody, a bit dark, retrospective, and elevating the mundane objects to the level of out-of-these-world beauty by simply noticing them. I don't want my life to be like Mission Impossible movies that feel like they fly by so fast (action, action, action) you barely had a chance to understand the plot or get to know the characters.

(My kids an I just watched one of the relatively recent MI movies a couple of weekends ago - very entertaining).

(I am yet to watch Stalker with kids... Back in grad school days, my husband fell asleep 10 minutes into it...)

If your life was a movie, what would it be? Who would you want to direct it?