Worry

I have a tendency to worry. It's a family tradition, you could say.

As a kid, I worried that my parents would worry. I also worried about my parents. I hated it if they were late getting home. There were no cell phones back then (so last century, I know). In the 90's, when we lived in Latvia, we didn't have any phone at all - so there was no way to get in touch and let someone know if you you missed a bus or if were just catching up with a friend and lost track of time.

In Latvia, when I was a teenager, it was jut my mom and me. Dad was, for the most part, with his parents in Belarus (there were weird residency and visa issues that resulted in forced separation for my parents). I remember waiting for her to come home from work in the evenings. Our kitchen window on the 4th floor looked out on the road that lead to the bus stop. I could see, once the bus arrived from the nearby town, a gaggle of people walking purposefully down the street. When my mother wasn't among them, I would begin to worry and pace. Back and forth, kitchen window to the opposite room window. Where was she - chatting with friends? Missed the bus? Or maybe she was hurt, or ill, or something even worse.

The mind wonders to dark places. 

I remind myself that "bad news travel fast" - my fathers' words. If something is truly wrong, I would already know.

I keep telling myself - she is probably just late, she probably missed the bus, she probably ran into a friend and chatting merrily, and will be home on the next bus.

I would get mad - and think to myself about all the angry words I would throw at her when she finally does come home. How dare she make me so worried?

I would get scared, and think to myself - "G-d, please, just let her come home safe. I will not scold her, I will just be so thankful to have her home, safe."

Because I knew how awful, how powerless it made me feel - to worry about someone, I did my best to be on time, to come home when I promised, to not make my parents go through the worry.

Of course they still worried, plenty of times. Probably about stuff that I thought was trivial, about situations that I did not feel warranted any worry at all.

When I moved away to college, it felt amazing to have the freedom where I didn't have to worry about someone waiting for me at home, worried. Does that make sense?

Freedom

We live in a suburb but very close to a small town. The town is cute, very pedestrian-friendly, and, in general, is a good place for teens. If only there were sidewalks going into town... or bike lanes... Our kids are completely dependent on us driving them into town. They can't go to an ice cream place, buy a treat, or meet up with friends in town without help from parents.

Or so we thought.

Our 14 (almost 15) year old has figured out a relatively safe way to bike into town. It involves riding on residential side streets, getting across a stream to the middle school property, then crossing over a very busy road (but there is a light) into a park, then crossing over that same busy road again at a different light a little farther down to get to the start of a sidewalk, then riding along the busy road but on a sidewalk, then getting on smaller side roads going into town.

Before you yell at me - I know you are not supposed to ride your bike on a sidewalk. But it would not be safe riding a bike along that busy road I mentioned. Sidewalk is only marginally safer, but still... And it is almost never that people actually walk in that section of the sidewalk (it starts, rather abruptly, near a merge with a major highway).

I was nervous and I made him promise that he would call, or text, as soon as he got to his friend's house.

He didn't.

For about 30 min, I was a nervous wreck. Then I finally called his friend's mom - sounding, I am sure, absolutely frantic. 

He got there just fine, he was playing baseball with friends.

I was so mad.

I was so glad that he was OK.

He eventually did call (hours later), and he felt pretty bad that he forgot to let me know he got to town safe and sound.

I am glad that there is a way my kids can experience independence and responsibility.

My son will not be biking into town in the next week or two - as a consequence of him NOT being responsible and NOT calling when he was supposed to.

But after this mini time-out... I am going to be thrilled if he does it on a regular basis (and calls me as soon as he gets there). Because he should have this freedom: to plan things, to feel independent, to be growing up. 

The funny thing was - I asked him if he had a good time... It was OK - it was good to see his friends, but it wasn't great because baseball was not particularly fun. I get a feeling that actually the process of getting into town was more fun than being in town with his friends.

End of Summer

Our daughter had her Bat Mitzvah last Saturday.

She did a fantastic job - she was poised, confident, and mature. I am so proud of her. I am so happy that the family, friends, and congregation were able to support her.

We try to stay as laid-back as possible when it comes to events and celebrations - because it's too easy to get stressed out over little things and miss the important stuff. It's good when people come together and celebrate life. 

And yet, I had to remind myself, multiple times - there is no Bat Mitzvah police (BMP). The food is not fancy enough? One of my kids' hair is a bit on the wild side? Ah well, it's not like the BMP is going to come after us. X, y, and z were not perfect? Good thing there is no BMP. 

We all had fun. There was dancing. There were games. And prizes. Honestly, I was very nervous about the games - I am not good at organizing people and telling them what to do. I should not have worried. Our 13-year old daughter organized and lead the games - and oh boy, she is good at getting people to do things!

Summer is wrapping up at a speed of light (300,000 km/s). We still  need to get a number of things for school (pencils! glue sticks! dry erasers!). Kids need some school-appropriate clothing (that's going to be a challenge... especially for the 9th grader who only wants to wear sports shorts and old t-shirts).

There are back-to-school activities coming up next week. I think we are actually going to skip everything except the high school open house. Because 1) that's the only one that's in the evening and 2) 4th and 8th graders already have a good feel for their schools and know how to find their way.

We are going to try and squeeze in a few more fun things.

 A trip to a new playground with friends.

A family bike ride.

A few more outings at the pool.

A trip to the bookstore.

A trip to the music store (to get saxophone fixed up and rent a cello for C)

And then the school starts.