Work has been hard and overwhelming. There is just not enough time during the day to get everything done. I feel stressed and frustrated.
I wish I could relax and enjoy the summer. I wish I could go to the pool with the kids without constantly thinking about the manuscript I am writing, and the scientific platform I am responsible for, and publication planning that I've been just told I'll be the lead on. There is a constant hum of demands - from work, from children, from community.
I wish I could have leisurely evenings, playing games with my family and reading books. Instead, I am constantly stressed and unpleasant to be around.
I can't relax because there is just so much work that needs to get done. I can't work in the evenings, my brain is just not functional. Plus, people want food, laundry needs to be done, kids have activities, etc, etc. I haven't been able to work much in the early mornings because of helping kids get ready for camp, driving kids to camp, and just random household-related tasks that seem to come up every morning. And it feels like there are simply not enough uninterrupted hours during the day.
I was unable to sleep last night - just thinking, thinking, thinking about all the things that I am responsible for, all the tasks I need to be on top of. I was just lying awake and feeling like everything was spinning out of control.
There are no solutions, except for sucking it up. There are so many things that are important to me that I am just not doing because of the work situation, and that makes me feel bad, and then I feel more stressed, and then I am even less productive, which leads to even more stress. I haven't been exercising. I haven't been taking care of the garden. I keep forgetting to wash out and refill the hummingbird feeders. I haven't been spending quality time with kids - because of work overwhelm and because I've been craving solitude (that's what happens when I am stressed). I've been so so impatient with my family.
This is not sustainable.
Ohhhhh Natasha, I feel this so hard. Sometimes, when I find myself in a downward spiral I need boundaries. With everything. Boundaries at work, boundaries at home, and with my larger network of friends. When I am stressed I either a) cry or b)retreat or c) both a and b. That's just how I deal.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm spiraling down I usually notice how it literally is a vicious cycle that goes around and around. No boundaries at wrk lead to stressed me, that reflects on kids and husband, further gives me guilt, and robs me of sleep. One thing (besides SSRIs) that work for me is actually start small and just do it- that small action kind of gets out out of the spiral.
Thank you - yes to all. Boundaries, crying, retreating, and just getting started on something even if it feels small. This all helps and most of all the fact that you just made me feel less alone in this! Thank you!
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