5 Year Strategic Plan: First Iteration

Main goal: stay alive.

Main concern 1: high-risk of breast cancer

·         Every 6-months follow-up with Breast Surgeon and mammogram or MRI

·         Possibly follow-up with oncologist

·         Possible (likely) daily tamoxifen

·         Set up trust and make a living will

o   Find an expert who can help with this…

Main concern 2: my father’s upcoming prostate biopsy and potential cancer diagnosis

·         Call parents and talk to them frequently

·         Get together with parents (outside, masked)

·         Provide advice/support as needed, find doctors as needed

Mid-level concern: physical and mental health (husband, kids, and self):

·         Get outside! (every day, if possible; with family or alone)

·         Exercise! (outdoor walks and hikes count as exercise)

·         Encourage husband and son to go on runs and bike rides together.

·         Family bike rides when whether is warmer. Solo bike rides.

·         Play board games, ping-pong with family.

·         Comedy movie nights with family!

·         Read fun books.

·         Encourage kids and husband to read for fun.

·         Fireplace! Fire pit! Woodstove! Roast potatoes and other stuff.

·         Go on hikes and explore new trails.

Low-level concern 1: children’s education

·         Have our 1^st grader read to us at least 3 times a week.

·         Math games and extra math practice (all kids) once or twice a week.

·         Science books and projects (all kids) once a month

·         Read and discuss books with 5^th and 6^th graders (just finished Dune, thinking about reading some Poe with them).

·         Virtual lectures, museum exhibits, documentaries – address each person’s interest:

o   Black holes, history (especially wars), engineering, history of ancient world

o   Insects, spiders, psychology, gymnastics, cooking

o   Biographies

o   Soccer, animals

o   Art, literature, science

Low-level concern 2: maintaining and making new friendships (everyone in the family!)

·         Outdoor masked: walks or hikes with friends

·         Virtual hangout with friends and family

·         Call aunts, uncles, and cousins.

·         Get more involved (kids, community?), volunteer (maybe?).

Global crazy-town concern 1: global pandemic dragging on for the next decade, with the virus turning more infectious and more deadly, and vaccines not being able to keep up with mutations.

·         Go on hikes in the forest

·         Read fun books (by myself and with kids)

Global crazy-town concern 2: The country and economy collapsing, Nazis taking over. Not being able to buy basic necessities.

·         Go on hikes in the forest

·         Read fun books (by myself and with kids)

·         Encourage self-reliance and resourcefulness in kids

o   Encourage cooking (help as needed)

o   Encourage foraging and fishing

o   Praise independence, sense of adventure

 

A Room of Her Own

 Our youngest child (6 years old) has moved into her own room.

She has shared a room with her older sister for… oh, I don’t even know how many years. It worked pretty well until last spring. Then they were home all the time because of the pandemic, plus everyone was getting older and more opinionated, so we got squabbles. Lots and lots of squabbles.

Over the summer, big sister moved all the toys out of their room into the attic/study (where I work) – because, I guess, being 10 means she is too old to play with dolls, Calico critters, and doll houses. It actually worked out pretty well. C spent hours last summer playing quietly in her new play-space while I did my work. When I wasn’t working, kids could build sprawling cities and roads, put together fancy LEGO houses, play “school”, and dress up the dolls. And you know what, big sister joined C and they would play together nicely, and sometimes all 3 would be busy with some construction project and my husband and I would be, like, “oh, we did something right! Look at these wonderful children playing so well together”, and then 2 minutes later “oh, never mind!” - because it would all dissolve into a horrible sibling fight.

We finally finished painting C’s room over the winter break. She wanted it all purple – we agreed on a very light shade. I was a bit worried about the final outcome, but the room looks really cute. We split apart the bunkbed (my husband’s old bunkbed that he and his siblings shared), so each girl has her own bed. Grandparents have a desk for her that they are re-painting (purple, I expect). For now, we put in my old kitchen folding table from the good old days in Chicago. There is a bookshelf that C filled with books and art stuff. Then C moved in a pile of toys and now there isn’t much room for… anything. I got to figure out some storage solutions for her...

Also, my study looks like a junk room (because lots of toys and random boxes are all over the place here – how did this happen?) and needs a major cleaning.

C is doing virtual school in her room now… We’ll have to work out whether it is best if she still does school work next to us (we set up workspaces for her both in my study and our bedroom where my husband works, so we can take turns being parents-on-duty and still get some work done) or if she’ll do most of her work in her room and comes to parent-on-duty when she has questions.

I am curious to see if in a few weeks the girls would decide they miss each other terribly and decide to do a sleepover…

Winter Break 2020 Highlights

• Walks. My favorites were walks to the nearby park with my son. We went on days that were slightly below freezing, so we could explore the trails without sinking into mud. It felt so good, like discovering new worlds. One of our hikes was a couple of days after it snowed, so that was extra fun. We followed footprints and paw prints, and even skiing tracks. I love winter. Not the slushy mess that’s underfoot right now (because rain and above-freezing weather – ridiculous….) but the real thing – with snow in the trees, brisk air, blue skies. We also went on family neighbourhood walks and ogled at people’s houses (there are some pretty cool houses with unusual styles!)

• Outdoor fire pit. We had a stretch of cold-but-nice evenings, so my husband had fire going. We roasted potatoes and ate dinner in front of the fire to stay warm. The whole thing was kind of like pretending to rough it in the winter woods but then going back into the house and sleeping in our nice warm beds. Oh, and kids made s’mores. As far as I am concerned, nothing beats a potato right out of the hot coals, but to each their own, I suppose.

• Indoor fireplace. And snuggling with books, or playing board games in front of the fireplace.

• Ping-pong: we got ourselves a small ping-pong table for Hanukkah. Husband and son are really into it! We have it in the living room for the time being, so can enjoy the fireplace and play ping-pong at the same time.

•  Food. I baked a lot of sourdough bread. Daughter baked a cake. We also made multiple batches of cookies (oatmeal/raisin/chocolate chip and ginger snap). Husband cooked lamb. He also made his amazing beans in the cast-iron pot (not on top of the wood stove this time, just on our regular gas range). We had food exchange with my parents. They sent “vinigret” (beet salad), cow tongue (I haven’t had it in years! Delicious! Kids loved it but said they would never mention eating tongue to their classmates), and cake.

•  Movies. We all had some extra screen-time (because holidays! Vacation!) Kids watched Elf, Son of Bigfoot, and Star Wars original trilogy. Husband and I watched True Lies and Buffy. We all watched Wolfblood.

•  Kids had zoom and skype fun with their friends. Son and his best friend were designing something (a computer, I think?) and talking about their holidays and gifts. Older daughter and her friends are working on doing a remake of “just add magic” – so they were putting together a script and practicing their roles. And also just talking on the phone (for hours). Youngest daughter (she is 6) got to hang out with her older sister’s friends on Skype (but she was grumpy that she didn’t get to see her own friends).

•  We went on a masked hike with friends to a new park (new trails!!!). It was good to see friends and our kids are similar age and get along really well. Good thing about winter hikes – masks keep your face warm!

• Husband and son replaced split-rail fence and got started on building a wood-shed.

•  Dancing. The kids and I had a spontaneous dance party while waiting for the ball to drop on New Years Eve. They got some good moves, especially the 6 year old!!!

•  No work!!! No school!!! Sleeping in until 9 (first time since our son was born >12 years ago)!!!

 

TV Shows

My husband and I watch TV shows almost every night.

I used to be more of a movie person - I liked the format where a story unfolded over the course of about 2 hours and then it was done. 

These days, the <1 hour per episode works so much better... because we are tired and can't stay focused late in the evening (after kids are in bed) for >2 h. I've been really enjoying long story arcs, too, where you get used to the characters and get to know them, and character growth can be awesome. Also, streaming (we have you-know-what_prime) is awesome because we control the time (ie, can watch whenever we want to), there are no commercials, and, for older shows, the story unfolds much faster without all that pesky waiting for the new season.

 Husband and I have somewhat different tastes. I love science fiction. He loves comedy. Part of the fun is findings shows we both enjoy. I couldn't watch Sopranos (too violent... too stressful) and he refused to watch The Expanse (too sci-fi). I had to quit watching The Marvelous Mrs Maisel (too anxiety-inducing and I missed half the jokes). We both loved The Americans, The Tick, True Blood, Sneaky Pete, White Collar, Monk, The Man in the High Castle.

We are watching Buffy right now - we are on season 5. I've seen random episodes during re-runs in the early 2000's, but I don't think I've ever seen the entire thing beginning to end. I am kind of surprised that husband likes it - but I guess there is enough comic relief stuff for him. I am not even sure why I like it (character growth, maybe?) - but we are having fun watching it, even though there are some cringe moments and some of the characters are so annoying (Xander!) I have no idea why they are part of the show.

I still enjoy movies on occasion - like a family movie night (extra fun if I get to share one of my old favorites with kids), but the TV shows have definitely become our default relaxing grown-up time. I really like watching shows with my husband - somehow, watching alone just isn't as much fun. Because, hey, we get to smirk at each other, and raise eyebrows and give each other meaningful nods, or do eye-rolls during cheesy moments.

Kids smuggled their way in during a couple of early season 1 Buffy episodes, but I think they are too young for the show (ages 6, 10, and 12). Kids were super-grumpy to be banned from watching Buffy but I think I found a decent substitute that is more kid-friendly: Wolfblood. We saw the first 6 episodes and the kids seem to like it, and husband and I had fun watching it, too.

Please share any recommendations for TV shows, especially kid-friendly stuff for the 6-12 range!

Today, January 6, 2021

 I get a really uncomfortable anxious feeling when TV is on non-stop, especially when no one is actively watching anything. It’s even worse if I wake up to TV being on first thing in the morning.

I notice it when we spend time with extended family – they like watching sports and sometimes just leave the thing on. They also give green light to kids turning on and watching TV as soon as they wake up. And I go into a hyperventilation mode.

It took me a while to figure out what was going on. It wasn’t like it was anything bad on TV – just baseball, or football, or cartoons. Yet I was having such a disproportionately negative reaction to it – it really truly freaked me out.

Do I have a strong dislike of sports? OK, maybe, but not really. I even watched a football game once with my husband last year – no panic attacks, quite on contrary it was quite fun (although I kept bugging my husband and kids with 1001 questions because I had no clue what was going on).

Do I have a strong dislike of cartoons? Yes, Disney makes me gag, but, seriously, it’s not that.

It’s deeper.

Tension. Stress. Uncertainty.

I remember, as a young child, one day when my parents were glued to TV. I felt ignored and lonely. I was hoping to watch a cartoon (Thumbelina!) but it was cancelled, and instead, my parents were sitting in front of the stupid TV and asking me to please be quiet. There was this palpable tension in the air. Whatever was on TV seemed extremely boring, but, clearly, very important to my parents. There were people talking, talking, talking. And my parents, staring, tense, and anxious. Brezhnev died. It was not clear who was going to come to power next. It was not clear what sort of a turn life in USSR was going to take. If things would go back to the time of Khruschev or Stalin, or if it would be something else entirely.

As a teenager, I remember watching TV with my parents when Lithuania, then Latvia, then Estonia declared independence. I remember scary stories of OMON (soviet special militsia unit).

I remember being glued to TV when GKChP took over during the putch, promising (threatening) to send army to bring Latvia back. Then watching TV as Soviet Union as fell apart. Then, a year or two later, watching squabbles for power in Moscow, involving army tanks going through the streets. I remember, watching in disbelief, the government building being fired at.

Yes, we had TV going non-stop. Because that was the only way to get at least some idea as to what was going on.

Fast-forward a bit, then a bit more. 9/11. TV on all the time.

So well yeah, no kidding: waking up to blaring TV freaks me out. Because TV on means something bad is happening, that I have no control over the situation, and all I can do is just watch.

I am going to go and turn TV on. Because mob is in Washington DC, storming the Capitol.

This is just like Russia. This is just like the USSR. All I can do is turn the TV on and watch in horror and powerlessness. I have no idea what I am going to tell our kids.

Sad News

My dad’s cousin, Rozochka, passed away. Rozochka means “little rose” and is a variation on her name Rosa. My dad has another cousin named Rosa, referred to by everyone in the family as “Big Rosa”. Because she is quite tall and stately. Rozochka, on the other hand, was tiny (like, 5’2 in heels?).

Rozochka was my grandfather’s favorite niece, which created all sort of odd frictions in the family. His sister lived nearby soon after Rozochka was born (or maybe they lived with my grandfather’s parents for a time?) and my grandpa used to babysit Rozochka. He was 14 or 15 at the time, and he would take Rozochka on walks, with her sitting on his shoulders. The passerby would utter in surprise “such a young father” – which absolutely delighted my grandfather.

Which reminds me…  When I was 16, that first summer after we came to the US in 1994, I used to take care of my second-cousin’s daughter, Lenochka, while my cousin was helping my parents with all sorts of immigrant stuff. Lenochka was 2 years old and absolutely adorable – plump cheeks and curls and all. I loved playing with her and taking her to a nearby playground. When people saw us together, they would ask in shocked voices “Oh my God, is this your daughter?” I thought it was kind of annoying and somewhat ridiculous – I mean, come on, I am just a kid, can’t you tell (I wished I looked older, but I knew I could have easily passed for a 14-year old). It wasn’t until I went to high school in the fall, where there were pregnant girls and girls who already had a child, that I realized it wasn’t all that weird for people to wonder...

Back to Rozochka. She helped us a lot that first year. She taught us about grocery shopping and coupon clipping. She taught us about Salvation Army and took us there to get some clothing and kitchen stuff. She and her husband drove us around whenever we needed to get places (because public transport in that town was less than optimal and we didn’t have a car). She helped us get set up and settled in the US. She was a strong person, a brave person. She took care of people, including her mentally ill brother who lived with her for many years until he passed away. I will remember her, and I will tell our kids about her, and G-d willing, I will tell our grandchildren about her, too.

Favorite Books 2020

Samantha Ellis, How to be a Heroine. 

Reading this book reminded me of conversations I had with friends in college. It made me want to call my best friend and talk about books (I did! It was fun!). It made me want to talk about books with all the people I know (didn't work out so well... not all of my friends are as obsessed with books). It made me want to have tea and a long conversation with Samantha Ellis and ask her a million questions. The salt thing for the "evil eye" - my parents used to put a packet of salt under my crib mattress. 

Amor Towle, A Gentleman in Moscow 

Loved it. Want to buy this book (I borrowed a copy from our library) and read it again, slowly. This is a kind of a book I could pick up and open on a random page and just jump into it. 

Fredrik Backman, Britt-Marie Was Here 

So well-written. Funny and sad at the same time. 

Kate Quinn, The Alice Network and The Huntress 

Really liked both books, especially The Huntress. The romance line at the end of the Alice Network felt kind of unnecessary (like, hey, the target audience is women, so that means must slap on romance and happily ever after?). I am going to need to read more on the Night Witches... 

Cath Crowley, Words in Deep Blue 

Really well-done YA that felt honest. 

Lara Prescott, The Secrets We Kept 

Amazing: intelligent and sensitive. Intersection of history, literature, espionage, politics, and love story. 

Katarina Bivald, The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend 

I loved the characters... feel-goody and cozy book to read in front of the fireplace. 

Cambria Brockman, Tell Me Everything. 

This was an excellent thriller - I couldn't put it down. Interesting exploration of college friendships, an excellent tie in of beginning and end (things that didn't quite add up in the beginning of the books all of a sudden made perfect sense), good mix of expected with unexpcted. 

 Amazing new finds: 

Martha Wells - I freaking loved Murderbot Diaries!!! So entertaining. 

Ted Chiang - I read his collection of short stories "Exhaltation" - this is the science fiction I love... This is WHY I love science fiction. Those stories reminded me of the stuff I grew up with! I didn't love every single story in the collection, but I really liked them all, and I am am absolutely getting more of his books at the library.