Favorite Books of 2022

 Anthony Horowitz. Magpie Murders.

• It took me a while to get into the book, but then I hit a point of no return - could not put it down. I loved the structure, the book-inside-the-book puzzle. The writing was solid. The characters were great.
• Excellent plot with unexpected turns and twists.
• The book poked fun of itself in the best possible way.

Robin Benway. Far from Tree

• Nice (if a little cheesy) read about adoption, teenage pregnancy, foster care.
• It was a satisfying, feeling-inducing read.

Ruth Ware. The It Girl.

• This was a well-written book and I couldn't put it down.
• Interesting themes (creepy men, college)
• Fun read but not deep....
• Took me forever to figure out who the villain was, but at the end - wasn't surprising.

Sally Hepworth. The Good Sister.

• Well-written, page-turner fun.
• Unexpected twists... thought-provoking (sibling relationships!)
• Made me think about unreliable narrator, unreliable memories, and how 2 people may recall the same event in different ways.

Kate Quinn. Diamond Eye.

• Well-written historical fiction that feels authentic and honest.
• This was the story of the remarkable Ljudmila Pavlichenko - Soviet sniper - written with compassion and sensitivity.

Shauna Niequist. I guess I haven't Learned That Yet.

• Nonfiction... too much religion but full of brilliant and sensitive observations about life.

Arthur Clalrke. Rendezvous With Rama.

• Solid science fiction. Based in the real world, real technology.
• Can see how it influenced Avi Loeb, Expanse...
• Loved the ending! 
• Characters were 2-D and not particularly interesting.

Neal Stephenson. Termination Shock.

• Very well-written and convincing. 
• Amazing blend of current events, technology, geography, and science fiction.
• Thought-provoking, compels to check the current tech and events to see if they are real...

Not quite a favorite but worth mentioning...

Rob Hart. The Paradox Hotel.

• Time-paradox-based science fiction.
• Interesting concepts - but confusing and a bit disjointed.
• Diverse characters with interesting personal stories.

Birthday: 45

 I turned 45 a few days ago. It's a good number. If you add the digits, you get 9, a square number. If you switch the digits around, you get 54. I'll be 54 in 9 years!!! 

I treated myself to a hike in the park (even though it was a busy day at work). H made me a swiss roll cake - and it was delicious. E made me a beautiful red origami fox. C made me bookmarks (I really needed new ones because I keep losing them). I read, I gave and received hugs, I opened the present from my husband. In the evening, we all went outside to watch the meteor shower (Geminidis). It was very much the perfect ending to a fantastic day.

I feel so fortunate to be 45, to have the strength and the health to do the things I enjoy, to spend time with my family, to do the things I love doing.

Update

 I got the call from the radiologist! Phew, the biopsy results showed the mass was benign. Long exhale... So glad that right now, today, I am healthy and strong.

And in other news...

• It's raining outside
• Today is my last day of work before the break... supposed to be only working half-day but we'll see how that goes!
• Still a few more presents to wrap (good thing there are 8 nights of Hanukkah....)

Falling

In the last month, I've had 2 biopsies. First, an ultrasound-guided one. The mass that they thought corresponded to the abnormal MRI finding turned out to be a benign fluid-filled cyst. Which is great, on one hand (benign!), but that also meant that they didn't get the right spot (because the thing that came up on MRI was definitely not a cyst). 

So,  I needed the MRI-guided biopsy. The radiologist said to expect a phone call with results later this week.

I feel like a biopsy over-achiever. I should have a tally: thyroid biopsy (check), multiple ultrasound-guided breast biopsies (check), breast-surgery-biopsy combo (check), MRI-guided biopsy (check).

Now waiting for results.

Falling into anxiety. And exhaustion. And general sense that the world may collapse at any moment...

Parents and Children

 

Some musings on the theme of whether or not children owe anything to the parents...

One of the culture shocks after coming to the US in the 90's was my perception that, for many families, once children were 18, they were expected to move out and be independent. Where I grew up, it was common for children to live with parents until marriage... and sometimes even after marriage, as multi-generational families.

After nearly 30 years here, I see a lot more nuance... but still, children are expected to "take wing" around 18, although this may simply mean that the said child moves away to college that the parents are paying for. Parents, on the other hand, are expected to carry on with their lives, have hobbies, travel, not rely on their children, and be independent and self-sufficient. Is there an inherent assumption that, once grown up, children and parents are no longer connected? 

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Children did not ask to be born... parents bring them into this world, raise them (to the best of their abilities), feed them, educate them... One could argue that these are all "gifts" we give to our children, and when you give gifts, you shouldn't expect anything in return. Let's assume that the parents are not horrible abusive individuals, but regular mortals who do their best but often make mistakes. Should grown children have an obligation to do anything for the parents? Or is it completely peachy if they never want to speak to the parents again? 

Maybe because I am so lucky to have amazing loving parents who would do anything for me, the idea that I can just... forget about them and drop them once they are no longer useful makes me want to cry.

I "owe" everything to my parents. It feels me with dread that someday I will not have them anymore.

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On the flip side, if you are a parent , should you still "owe" to your kids to support them, help them, do anything for them when they are 20? 30? How about 15? Is there an age where you say "my dearest child, I no longer owe you... anything" or are we responsible for our children forever? 

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I do my best to provide a good, safe environment where my kids can learn necessary skills and values (integrity and grit) in order to survive, and I want to instill belief that they can get through anything. I do my best to have fun with kids, to make good memories and solid foundation for their future lives. I want them to know they are loved and valued (always and forever). We don't know what the future holds, but I hope that if they have dark moments, they'll be able to reach back to their childhood and use the happiness and all the good stuff to give them strength.

I really want my kids to become decent human beings. I love them and I want them to be happy - but I absolutely expect them to not be selfish little pricks who think the world owes them something. I wouldn't want them to feel like they are responsible for my happiness or well-being, and I don't expect them to support me in my old age (but some help would be nice).

I am not sure where this is all going...  Relationships are complicated. Families are complicated. I want to have a family that, year after year, is able to have fun together... even if there are disagreements (politics! money!), even if we annoy each other... I want to be there for my kids and I want them to be there for me.

 

Medical Stuff

I had a biopsy yesterday. Waiting for results... 

Quick recap: there was an abnormal finding during an MRI scan (I get those once a year because I'm high risk for breast cancer) and the original radiologist recommended a biopsy. However, the radiologists at my practice did not think the mass was suspicious (it looked like it's been there for a couple of years). The surgeon (who did my surgery back in 2020) thought that it would be a good idea to do a biopsy anyway, just to be on the safe side.

They were able to use ultrasound to find something that looked like the right size and the right place to match the MRI findings. They can't be 100% sure they biopsied the right thing, though, because that mass "collapsed", suggesting it's a cyst, and cysts don't look like that thing they saw on MRI. 

• I am immensely glad that the medicine and technology are so advanced - the whole biopsy procedure took just a few minutes and I was at the office for less than 2 hours. There was minimal discomfort and no pain. I was able to get back to work and back to regular life 
• If needed (and if insurance covers it), there is an option of additional MRI.
• There is also an option for MRI-guided biopsy, if needed.
• I am very impressed that I can get all these follow-ups, tests, scans. Yes, they take time - but it is so important to catch cancer early.
• Thinking of all the friends who have cancer: there are new treatments being developed, new ways of minimizing side effects, there is so much research (both in academia and by big pharma) that aims to extend lives and maximize the quality of life.

 

Halloween

Yesterday, H had her first lesson of 2nd session of rock climbing. She was bouncing off the walls. I don't know if it's the actual climbing or all the Halloween candy that's making her so hyper...

Halloween was... OK. I don't know, I just don't get particularly excited about costumes, candy, or wondering around in the dark with a bunch of hyper kids. We had 2 clowns and Kate from the Mysterious Benedict Society. 

To be honest, putting together (very last minute, as always) a clown costume for our youngest was pretty fun. H did her face paint. (I wonder if I can convince our kids to put together a clown show of some sort for Thanksgiving....)

I was trying to convince our 14-year old that he was too old for this... he didn't buy into it.

About 20 minutes into our trick-or-treating, the rain started to drip. But the kids wanted to keep going... so we did.

Random (rhetoric) questions:

• Why do we have to dress up on a specific day? Why can't we dress up in costumes whenever we want to?
• Why do kids like candy so much?
• Would they dress up for Halloween and walk around the neighborhood if there was no candy involved?
• Will I remember the Halloween stuff fondly? Will I miss the hubbub? Will I be relieved once the kids no longer want to do it? Will I regret not doing more while they are still little-ish?