Family Stuff

We are at a (relatively) good spot with the kids (tfu-tfu).

We've had lots of good conversations! They ask interesting questions. They are thoughtful. They are funny. And for now, they seem to be very interested in sharing their thoughts and listening to our opinion about things. I have no idea how long this will last - the older two are on the brink of teenage-dom. Isn't that when kids think the parents are out of touch with reality and get annoyed by everything we say?

I already get the whole "mom, you are SO last-century! No one uses phone to call - everyone texts!" and "mom, we are the only family that doesn't eat xyz, all the Americans do this!". But it is, for now, all said rather fondly - and not meant to offend.

Meals together are now so much less stressful than 5 years ago. Everyone is able to feed themselves! We have conversations! We tell jokes! Kids still tend to talk over each other and don't always have the patience to listen to their siblings. Not sure if that will ever change...

We haven't been out eating in a restaurant in years. Even before the pandemic, it felt stressful to go out with 3 young-ish kids, so we mostly avoided it. Maybe we should try it (while there is a lull in local covid cases) - this would feel like a totally novel experience.

Speaking of family and siblings... my mom is afraid to talk to her sister (who currently lives in the US). Because of the war in Ukraine. My parents have been very much horrified by what Putin has been doing. My mom never liked him (because of his KGB connection) - good instincts. My dad, on the other hand, had some respect for Putin - until now. So, my parents are very firmly in anti-Putin camp. My mom is not sure what her sister's take on the situation is. She (my aunt) has lived in Kharkiv for many years, and so did my grandparents. They had a horrible time with anti-Semitism while there. So did my dad's best friend (who ended up moving to Belarus because of all the issues he was having).

So, my mom is terrified that she and her sister are going to end up on the opposite sides of the barricade, so to speak.

Mom's sister-in-law and my cousin are in Taganrog, Russia. It's a small city not far from Ukraine. They've been in touch through WhatsApp, but I feel like we need to have some sort of backup communication plan in case Russia declares WhatsApp off-limits, or Meta decides to shut off WhatsApp for Russian citizens. They never talk about politics - just basic things, like are you OK and is everyone healthy. We have no idea what their opinions are - and we wouldn't want to put them at risk in any way, therefore, we watch what we say (and they watch what they say).

How do you work around any in-family political disagreements? Avoid the subject altogether, disown family members with offending viewpoints, politely nod and smile while wishing you could strangle the other person?

Weekend Report

Things have been tough and I have been tired and demoralized.

Last week was a blur of activities. I stayed afloat (didn't forget to do anything important) - but barely.

This weekend:

Saturday

• H had gymnastics and C had her first spring soccer game.
• E had to finish up some homework.
• We drove to see family in rural PA for a birthday part and stayed overnight at the grandparents house.
• It was great to see family. The weather was beautiful and we went for a walk.

Sunday

• Hike at the Hawk Mountain. We didn't see any hawks, but saw quite a few turkey vultures and a bald eagle.
• Kids had fun hiking (because it was beautiful and because their cousins were there).
• Got back home and got started on regular chores and week prep.
• Talked to E about summer plans (he can research various volunteer, summer camp, and job options for himself).

Forsythias are blooming. Daffodils have opened around the yard. Our trees are about to sprout leaves and flowers. I should be happier and more excited about spring . Instead, all I want is to hide under the blanket and eat chocolate. 

Dark Thoughts

 I am glad I am alive.

What I have is this moment.

I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. But that hasn't changed - we never know if there will be a tomorrow. We just assume that we will get to have another day, and then another, and then another.

We have our home, we have food, we have water. There are no bombs falling on our heads. (not yet)

We don't have to hide in bomb shelters. (there are no bomb shelters around here)

We don't have to evacuate. 

There is a terrible war in Ukraine. People are dying. Everything is being destroyed. 

There is a terrible situation in Russia - the impending economic collapse may be worse than what happened after the collapse of the USSR. Will the fall of economy bring about hatred and violence? That was a rhetorical question.

My son has asked me what we would do if the nuclear strike was coming.

I am angry and heartbroken that (thanks, Putin) he needs to think about that.

I told him that we would get our family together, eat good food, tell stories, play games, and laugh.

I am telling myself to "always look on the bright side of life..."

• Today, right now, we are alive and well.
• If there is a nuclear war, we will no longer need to worry about global warming.

Termination Shock

 Neal Stephenson, Termination Shock.

It made me look up facts, and geographic locations, and events, and technologies. Stephenson is amazing at taking what we have today and extending it a step or two further.

I don't always agree with his protagonists. But that only makes reading more interesting.

This was something that rang true:

"..he had arrived at the conclusion that political stability anywhere was an illusion that only a simpleton would believe in. That (invoking, here, a version of the anthropic principle) such simpletons only believed they were right when and if they just happened to live in places that were temporarily stable. And that it was better to live somewhere obviously dangerous, because it kept you on your toes."

Except I don't particularly want to be kept on my toes, so I'd rather live in a place that is temporarily stable, even if it is only an illusion.

Stephenson was very, very convincing in describing the reactions of China and India to the weather-changing technologies in the book. 

Russia was completely missing from the picture. I suspect he did it on purpose but I am not sure why. United States was described as a mess and a laughingstock of the world - but there were no details (but we can fill in the blanks, so to speak).

Verdict: liked it a lot.

Weekend Report

 War in Ukraine.

It puts things into perspective, doesn't it. 

We complain that we were so traumatized by our kids having to stay home from school for months at at time, having to isolate, not being able hang out with our friends.

I did not have to leave my home. I did not have to live in bomb shelters. I did not have the uncertainty of not knowing where I was going to end up tomorrow. I did not feel in imminent danger of death, losing my kids, or losing my country. I did not feel unsafe to the point of having to get out of the country.

I do not want to minimize the suffering the the covid pandemic has brought on. But war - that's a whole other level.

May we never know.

This weekend:

• Our son had his first ever sleepover at his friends place. He had a blast.
• I did some work
• I read junky stuff - just to escape reality
• Laundry, cooking
• Started watching season 2 of His Dark Materials with kids
• Girls had gymnastics on Saturday
• Read the news. Read people's opinions about war. Tried to figure our what the perspective of people was in Russia (hard to tell - I don't know how much people are censored and how much is just naked propaganda - that there is a general sense of discontent among some, while others are blaming the US for causing the war).
• Sad, sad, sad.

News: the Good, the Bad, and the Sad

I had a mammogram and ultrasound yesterday - part of a regular check-up. I always get very anxious in the days before the imaging. Because you never know what they are going to find.

I am happy to say - there was nothing new. 

Weight off my shoulders. At least for a few months, and then I'll get to look forward to the next thing (I get mammogram or MRI every 6 months because of the high risk for breast cancer).

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Ukraine and Russia - I don't know how to express the horror, the sadness, and the hopelessness I am feeling. My grandparents lived in Kharkiv for more than 10 years. I have very fond memories of going to the nearby store to get fresh bread and eggs for my grandmother, getting ice cream from a street vendor  (best vanilla ice cream I ever had), going to the zoo (they had these amazing sugar candies on a stick, in the shape of a rooster, that you could suck on for hours), the circus (at age 4, I sobbed uncontrollably when I saw clowns perform because they were breaking a piano as part of their joke act), the parks. I loved getting on the subway there - it was all granite and marble (and lots of patriotic images) - that same subway that people are using as a bomb shelter now. This is insanity. It's like watching an old World War II movie, except this is happening now.

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One of my dad's cousins, Big Rosa, passed away recently. Just a little over a year after Little Rosa.

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Our school district is doing away with mask requirements starting next week. I am OK with that - the covid numbers are down in our area and our entire family is vaccinated. Kids say they still pan to wear masks in crowded hallways. 

I feel like I should take advantage of this moment and plan activities that may become undesirable once the next covid wave hits. Like going to a museum, or a movie theater, or the concert hall. Or the middle school musical - I think we'll do that next week. (I do hope there will be no more major covid waves... yes, stupid to hope for something so unlikely).

No Words

 War.

Russia and Ukraine.

No words.

I don't know what to trust.

Because this is going to be an information war, as much as the physical war with tanks and bombs.

I know enough to know that I can't trust my eyes or ears: what I read, what I see, what I hear - that's all going to vary wildly depending on the source of information. And everything can be faked - or angled "just so" to create a specific message.

I don't understand what Russia's angle is - are they "liberating" Ukraine from the control of the "decadent West"? And then what? I get it that they didn't want NATO in Ukraine - that's like having the enemy in your neighbor's back yard - I just didn't think Putin would actually go for full-blown freaking war. I don't understand what the long-term objective would be - world domination? Or am I missing a critical piece of information there that's not accessible to me because I am in the US?

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There are some that are saying that only the military targets will be hit.

There are some that are saying that the Ukranian forces and preparing footage of civilian casualties and destruction - ahead of the actual Russian attacks.

There are some that are saying that people in Donetsk have been living with casualties and destruction (because of the Ukranian forces) for years and no one has cared.

There are some saying that there will be provocations, where Ukranians, dressed as Russian Army, will be creating chaos and disseminating videos to the rest of the world, making Russia look bad.

There are some that are saying that Russia is going to install its own puppet government in Ukraine.

There are some that are saying that Russia is just doing what the US has been doing in Latin America.

There are some that are saying that the Ukranians shouldn't care if they end up with Russia-controlled government. Because they hadn't cared about having US-controlled government.

There are some that are saying that this is the time when agricultural work should be starting in the fields... which now may or may not be possible because of the war.

My husband says "This is World War 3".

Will Russia stop at Ukraine? Will it go into Poland? Romania?

Are we having the Russia/China alliance against the West? 

Also - Ukraine is big. Western Ukraine is NOT going to be just sitting back and doing nothing.... Historically, Western Ukraine seems to be very nationalistic - sometimes in a scary way (or is this the propaganda I absorbed as a kid in the USSR?) It brings to mind places like Eastern Washington. People with guns (supplied by the US?) who will be prepared to fight guerilla war for decades if Russia takes over the government. 

There are some who are worried about once again living in a dictatorial state, behind an iron curtain. There are some who are shrugging and appearing to not care.

I hate this. I hate war. 

There is nothing I can do.

There is not much (good) that the US can do. Because we are a mess.